lent blog 2013

[ecuworrier]

just a couple of minutes here...

today is rapidly descending into chaos of uncertainties and shoulds and shouldn'ts and do's and not dones...

it is cold... my efforts to do the no heating thing have been successful in miniature... heating goes off before i get in... in truth though it is the wind chill that is cold something of the ambience... what we see is the various people huddled in doorways looking thoroughly miserable.... there are so many though it is so easy to walk past them there is so little as well as so much we can do... it feels though too heavy a burden to stop for someone who is drug crazed is.... a few weeks ago when it really was cold i was chatting with a friend when suddenly this person wandered into the street and stood aimlessly while a car honked its horn... i noticed they were not well clothed and had startlingly no socks.... the wandered off into and along the road clearly disorientated... homeless? not necessarily so quite a lot of people are housed but poverty stricken... i confess after praying i lost interest...

it can take a single significant moment to completely change one's fortunes... for some it may be something like winning the lottery life will never be the same again.....  life has become so complex though it is small wonder that folks particularly those who are isolated or have great friends who don't take a practical interest .. that is when things start to slide or go wrong.... there are so many bills endless unforeseen circumstances....

quite a shocking example was shared on the radio recently... Jamie Bulger's father was interviewed... now it is clear that ok no idea what he was like before the murder of his child but however many years on he is a wreck and he graphically described the day in effect he cannot trust in life again... one hopes and prays GOD will Grace into him but until something rescues him he is in a state of anxiety and a wreck.... life fallen apart ... it was shocking to listen to him helpless afraid .... so many folks i have spoken to have just ended up there... one minute managing the next... buff the no guarantees of life ....there but for the Grace of GOD.... if GOD is that GOD then please GOD be a bit about like everywhere for everyone

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

the theme of old mother hubbard and her cupboard continues to my sense of anxiety...

i just haven't been shopping for much! part of a sense of problem has been my desire to have an actual day of fasting and that has not quite materialised either... the bread i bought a few days ago ... reduced at a modest 69p has kept me going in sandwiches and i have added on the hoof budget food and multivitamens.... as well as food provided at some of the places i have been... in some ways it feels like i have been fasting .. you may know this feeling you don't eat one day so you lose the habit the next... food is suddenly not very important to your senses... or your routine of habits right now i have just run out of milk as well and i am not that bothered though i have had two bouts of cafe church and tea at a prayer meeting... i have even lost some weight... but i have not had a committed period of fasting as such ... though GOD has been prompting me i have not been quite responding.... like now and i mean in the bigger picture... earlier i asked GOD which cafe church GOD gave me a clear picture but i find myself going in a seperate direction but as i set off i see someone i know looking vacant and in a hurry... they do not see me and i don't distract them i saw them very recently... and i knew it was a GOD appointment... they have a new set of life circumstances and i pray they find it easier quickly Lord!? somehow though i continue and go where i thought for cafe church/// you see GOD was clear but i was not.... the actual picture pans out eventually you see if i had gone with GOD in the first place then a significant difference would have been that i would have milk bu tjhe time i have the picture it's too late i can't afford the milk but i can the orange.... i would have been able to buy milk AND orange to go with my 3 day old sandwich wolfed down cos... i feel hungry!... do you know what i am feeling pretty repulsed by treats at the minute!... saying that at one place there was some cake a really nice chocolate cake there were 3 pieces i ate 2 of them savouring the fruit adornment it was a very highclass cake indeed... later on there were several people wondering how to share the last piece ... i am offered some ... i now feel some sense of shame!.... on the streets in the cold.... instead of coffee someone suggests chips.... not far away there is a fastfood place... they come back with portions i have refused one but scoff with the rest - it hits a spot... one warms up immediately and feels ready to go .... though later i sit and find the ghastiliness of chip fat sitting occasionally burping a rancid odour... short term solutions to long term problems!

recently i was included in a celebration... the venue chosen is a pub and it was awful but educational.... full of young people and a few clusters of young of many years out on respective night outs.... it was truely chaotic... but i recognised one or two of the faces as people who work in shops.... normally i see them in uniforms here they were in civvies.... were they having a good time? my companions annoyed me a little by complaining about too many townies ... they respectively remininisced about uni days and the social landscape of going out according to their experiences ... their complaint was the atmosphere was polluted by the wrong social mix... me i was just noticing that the night out celebration was well.... i remember the excitement of anticipation.... someone tagged the night out as the great adventure of unknown and meeting the unexpected and hoping for the real deal to come along perhaps? to contrast with the predictability and boredom of the day .... were my modestly incomed acquaintances enjoying themselves.... not that i could see.... a number of folks had dressed up (older)  and my heart went out to them... most of the younger folks probably had dressed up... but i was left a little unsure  if they had////  i have to say that tjhose i knew were modestly incomed did not quite make complete fools of themselves... like getting ridiculously drunk... i did wonder though about how it was that they too like us were simply in the wrong environmnet.... it's hard to say which of the young were poor but it was clear that some of the security staff were....  on the ball they were which was good ... but hey all i am saying with this is ... what wasted lives wasted opportunities what though opportunities for the GOSPEL to work wonders! and me.... sitting back looking on and yes praying in various ways.... i felt there were a number of opportunities for me to take initiative.... i wanted to and.... i said to GOD GOD had to put them right in front of me like ....so when GOD obliged in sheered moments i.... well ......  i tell you i wanted to ... what i did do though was .... GOD sorted out an amazing cart of opportunities and one of our party started to tell me about something that panned out into a GOD opportunity!  wow thanks GOD!

i feel a bit like that me asking GOD ... and then GOD saying what ... and then me asking GOD again .... and pause... again ... and again.... like what ? a child continues till the adult changes the answer to one the child wants... feels like i been doin that a bit.... or is it i didn't quite.... understand or respond? anyhows the way things panned out is a bit like... hey you know what now i see why i should not have or should have in the first place and then GOD pulls out the wildcard... i am not very happy with my personal perfomance!!! i am not convinced i am listening properly Lord please help me out!

i said i had done double espresso cafe church... and actually had done

hmm i have just written some stuff on this and you know what GOD wanted me to press the undo button i was a little bemused cos surely all that would happen would be that the last digit? wow! imagine my surprise when the whole paragraph or so nothing more nothing less vanished before my eyes!



this was the second effort....   when GOD does something it's up to GOD what GOD's purpose is it's not for us to do things out of context... it's not about us more humility please Lord

the Kingdom of GOD is here and now


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

frantic arrival at a hundred miles an hour haven't been able to get on on monday and then just not been able to get here.... take breath! have only a few minutes....


so perhaps working backwards.... i feel Blessed and totally exhilerated and yes GOD is in the house! amidst chaos!....  i've been doing some creative stuff though when one feels at groundhogday with the rudiments one does wonder what is creative..  or when is creative? it certainly makes one thoroughly admire the more accomplished exponents ....l one learns that everyone is talking something through the process... i feel very Blessed someone has landed me a bit of kit that is kindov essential... it is the standard proffessional model apparently.... i fully intend to pay for it .... but it's thoroughly amazing that it spontaneously arrived taking out the kerfaffle that is me trying to acquire said item by going to the shops.... 'how much?!!!!' aghast oh mmm and then pondering for ever..... and GOD was busy yesterday for sure... even though i was thoroughly irritated to a degree of falling out......    there is a lesson here.... not just that GOD IS GOOD!... but that human hangups and human frailties and human apologetics and excuses are not the place to leave things as i write i feel good that i can say these things and feel the importance!....  i have had a wince of time amongst some very newagey folks of all sorts of belief systems and practices..earlier in the year GOD got me to read some OT..... do not fear other gods or other peoples gods... when i read it how important it felt ... it felt as important to remember that in christian community as any place else.... my new agey associates come from all sorts of faith backgrounds i feel at home with the catholic folks who have flocked out of church and religious practice.... into all sorts of places... i am conscious that bible based tribes will argue that there is not enough bible study amidst bells and smells... i never quite understand what that means when folks are pretty hard hearted narrow minded and hardly giving off any sense of  Jesus though quite often there is a faintest whiff of HolySpirit! ioh how enlightened the church would be if Discernment were the number one sought 'gift'.... you see if we were all doin it with integrity and self conscious humility how amazing would be the transformation instead of the have your cake and eat it and everyone looking to everyone else as much as Paul must have encountered prophesy... clarity of vision of GOD clarity of speech interpreter of the Christ.... 

does GOD make mistakes? i find myself drawn into a discussion with an ex catholic (if one ever is an ex).... the discussion comes aobut cos i asked GOD for guidance and the result i share that .... someone of a very different sense of philosophy finds my talking Jesus gets up their nose still... does GOD mistakes ... in the moment ... i am not doing very well... so where is GOD in me then?... GOD never makes mistakes... to highlight the point something comes to light .... i went shopping and asked GOD's guidance ... we came away with something i would never have bought... and it stood in it's packet for some time ... something no-one would have bought... before it got opened and then .... we were all surprised!.....  yum! and Praise the Lord!...

i am told that GOD does the mistakes... and yes i agree with that but it is late in the night alone that the problem with the question is the value assessment of human experience and expedience what we are culturally and socially trained for finding a right and wrong outcome to decision making.... i say the problem witjh the question ... it was thye problem in the moment of conversation with not quite getting or seeking what it was about... it felt like a trick .... and i felt that i had fallen for it.... and somewhere i had!...  wisdom with speaking to GOD and going with GOD's Grace is not part of the mix of the scientific revolution of tear things apart and see what happens next... i was sufficiently rattled so that ... oh dear someone under the skin... we do it to eachother... we disassociate and put down.... the language we use... we are like circling scorpions ... we are rivals where no rivalry is relevant we are who we are and it's ok that way.....  it's like the velodrome ... those bizarre racing formats where the cyclists are all scrunched into competitive stillness who will break first? will the other be able to win?.... there is no prize there is no first past the post or last we are all there together in the confluence of our journeys and there we are defensive and gnashing of teeth... sometimes i can really lose sight of my identity...

yesterday also though i offered to pray for someone and sat with them hand on their shoulder and prayed... it was the first time.... hands on prayer...  they felt crook they did they ... we were both conscentrating on other things... outcome? well some Holy Spirit went busy somewhere for sure... though they said they felt worse... they have had various ailments in the time i have known them... with GOD's Grace they will let me pray some more.... i was in ordinary life and offered to pray for someone who had an injury that had some side effects i had known them a while they seemed to be antireligious... after i prayed with rather a lot of distractions including the unexpected arrival of a christian who i have never to memory crossed paths with in church who seemed ambivalent about what they were seeing? dunno.....  i was surprised to find tha the person i was praying for in fact did have belief and background in church i was treated to a wedding photo ....and more conversation about the role of church in their life... they had married a very non christian... i was not on a where did it all go wrong fact finding mission....  GOD doesn't make mistakes! amazing

i have a long late walk home.... it is cold i am drunk(ish) the poor are everywhere without me thinking too much about it... in fact several of the poor (begging poor) must be tucked up in doors or in safe warm places cos the only folks i see obviously so are some bedraggled unprepared... i am asked for money a couple of times on both occasions i say GOD BLESS YOU! and one of them responds in kind.. i am a little bemused by this..... it is cold... living hand to mouth amidst the midst of plenty and the many debts and many wastages...

i am adding in the poorly person as poor though they would not count themselves as poor as such but poorliness is a matter of experience of daily life.... is chronic poorliness easier to fix than chronic poverty? is chronic poverty easier to fix than chronic poorliness.. chronic poverty is surely fixable just with wadloads of dosh.... wads of whatever is in short supply maintaining a persistent misery.... happiness and joy .... but if you are the only person with wadloads of dosh is it the right thing... is wadloads of dosh just a symptom of something else..


gonna pause here


here is been listening to some Jesus Culture .... am less than usually enamoured what i like about Kim Walker beyond what i don't really see.... is that she tells this story of when the church she was in did that call for folks who wanted to join wojrship ministry.... she says GOD told her not to so she didn't ... i like that

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

i appear to have lost some structure on the poor though remain very anxious about money...:

earlier something little talked about comes into the public domain as folks get their letters for council tax bills.... no more can one not pay council tax for being too poor everyone is in it together..... where i live the amount is not huge but take that out of a struggling person's budget and suddenly and statlingly that and many other rising costs becomes exhorbitant.... we are all in this together..... surely that should mean the most affected is where the knees of the kneeling kneel alongside?..... in the evangelical circles i live in .. the tiny mention in Acts of that joyous early church that sells and shares that meets the needs of those in need..... albeit one has an impression of them caring primarily for the faithful ... and even that has teething problems if the story of Stephen is to be believed....  i don't get how folks can get terribly excited about the notion of the early chuirch but in real life do very little to emulate that ... i don't get the modern christian... is it that the protected upbringing has them spending time that they would otherwise be learning about life reading and watching telly so the most response one can ever expect to get is a few tears on occasion or a heart warming experience... of couse i am exagerating ... but seriously what is a christian in contemporary times?.... the whole in things together milarky how would we take that seriously if in truth the political establisjhment instead of it's cosying in with the rich kids actually did the give up everything and sit with the poor

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

yeah! able to get in .... not for the first time this week delayed!

who are the poor of spirit? earlier i was part of that interesting conversation... about pr christians and theri collective reputations.... how do you know how the world views christians? well why don't you ask them.... one church owner? did, and surveyed the staff of a cafe nearby where 'their' congregants congregated after church.... they then reported the findings to  the congregants....it was a shock to them.. is this a surprise ? .... surely the best view of christians is of those who are captive audiences to theri behaviour....   they;'re mean they don;t tip they make ridiculous demands and have unfair expectations on ... their captive servants..... add in thre story about a christian conference venue where a nearby hotel refused to take delegates because of their mean spirited demanding behaviour leaving the staff more upset than blessed.... the storytller concludes ... it's because they believe they are kings /// that's how they are taught methinks..... has something got lost in translation? leaving a boorish aftertaste//// this the Gospel? can anyone join? are the poor just those that don't kinda want to ?

the Gospel is not phjilosophy it is a process and transformation and who is there to see it? why the whole world of course.....

 recently we were treated to the preview return of one of our fold.... when i sees them walking along me i make a mad dash for it .... i later hear they have declared themselves a 'new person' me i am thinking i don;t care.... me i;ll glacly settle for not being in even the same town as them..... seems though that a significant part of what hasn't changed is theri insistence on telling you how special they are with lasshings of a  complete disregard for the hard labours of people around them.... being told that they have time for you ... is kindov true in a way that you'd rather not have it is true... sometimes we has to swallow what GOD gives or does....  so who is the poor of spirit here?
i should be pleased surely to be closeted with company that i can only be in a hurry not to be around... that feels invasive is controling is juvenile a slob  takes everything for granted and leaves an imprint of something unmistakeably not GOD is ...  i am asked if i am pleased to see their return.... i can only feel ... a great sense of grief that the period of their absence has been a wonderful breath of fresh air and is it about to ....?

 is it true that some christians are far more important than others and the rest of us are roundly conned?....  well the world certainly does a lot of things that way.... like in orwells animal farm? (which i haven't read but feels a convenient parallele)  that this is the way to be....well the expliction of the church according to Paul would suggest by common consent that that is the case.... 
.             well there is that thing about serving others ....  how annoying is that though... who do we serve... what actually does service mean? who does GOD love? well clearly there is evidence of GOD loving the lovable oh and the statused but what about those who are in suffering or embarrassing or unpleasant to be around i mean GOD!!!??? where is the evidence? that they are loved by GOD?....   those totally ignored by those that are clearly loved by GOD because of the evidence of their blessing should surely be ignored too surely? is it that difficult to work out?

but the poor of spirit... are we the put upon? are we the gladly surrendering to thge domestic service of the grand duke/duchess should we refuse to be served or to serve? but who is the poor in spirit then? those blessed by GOD or those in need of Blessing?

earlier this week i had an interesting experinece... i had a meeting with someone i thought to share reading of  scripture... they had been pretty firm about what they wanted me to read.. i had a suggestion of my own... for some reason i was totally underwhelmed more exciting was the scripture that they said they were reading with someone else... already the format they suggested of reading verses here and there was not quite doing it for me... anyway i was protesting and wasn't quite sure why i was protesting... so when i turned up ... i felt like well a sense of blank what did GOD say to you ....  i had failed to read the text....i explained:... well to be honest i had attempted to read and completely failed to recall anything except that i had tried to find out on the internet a bit about context and failed and ... i found myself in a situation of compromise .. i was being told off about not having read scripture... what!!!??? i had turned up for the meeting...  in fact i get asked a direct question... do i believe that the bible is the word of GOD... i have to reply and answer that in terms of the actual as asked question the answer has to be no... i am disappointed to be talking to someone who proffesses a desire to learn ... apparently that is why we are seated there... but is completely off on one regarding just about everything.... there is much i find not very GOD about this whole engagement.... they seem to be determined that i read the scripture for next week... it is true that i had not asked GOD about whether to read or not read ... and i say i will do that much but i emphasise that they should not presume to know what GOD has to say on the matter... i am sensing something very ungodly going on here  something very hidden and quite is well what would the right word be ... oppressive it feels is just a part of something more going on....  we part ... i am both furious and flustered... me i want to stay put and finish my drink... i read bible .. it does not quite take off... i go outside for a fag... GOD is all for Blessing me though... someone offers a kind word... i am in the cold but oddly i do not feel at all cold... a nearby church organ starts playing ... there is something heavenly in the moment... someone comes along a complete stranger and i chat with them.... i have a curious conversation with them where they seem to be eulogising on Henry 8th as a saint.... for burning down the wealthy monastries.... they have already had a go at the pope now passed for their part in the holocaust.... well i am talking to someone who is from the sectarian west  and the conversation ends with a me feeling a huge desire to pray Blessing for them.... the person welcomes the idea hopes for that Blessing.... they go off........ and i see them shortly later alone looking rather sad..... i have cheered up and am now feeling Blessed can i though feel more Blessed? what about them as i avert gaze and leave?....

how we view eachother .... ourselves... GOD

GOD HELP US ALL!

oh this was rather intriguing:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21630874

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

i'm having a terrible time trying to get in... have some catchups to bring in but not now...

yesterday ... got on the bus was not sure where i was going well i thought i did has to be said it was an effort to get out of the house... it was pretty late would have missed church probs you can see i am pretty keen... 'I will show you where to get off'... oh! and so i got off what was the plan... well it was to approach the door of the church offices to read the word 'you' on a nearby flyer then to get on another bus i got off again as bidden it was not the church i thought i was going to .. i was sure i was meeting up with a friend who i hoped to meet... i go into the church ... i'm not the biggest fan of the church for what i perceive as it's culture terribly trendy... something about the lighting made me think ooh i am in the red light district of heaven? i so wanted to share that .. my friend was nowhere to be seen .. i say that but i did see someone who looked like them walking arms around a woman .. maybe it was them or at least an appointment to pray... i felt bewildered church had finished everyone was chatting i could tell it was a good night i could feel the Holy Spirit... i found a mutual friend and asked if frined was there .. they had not seen them i was reintroduced to a relative of theirs who i had had a conversation with ages ago... they were staring at me and did not want to talk.... now what ? saw someone they wanted to go out for a fag so i went out with them after a pause there was a sudden enquiry about what had been going on with gay marriage... i explained about the free vote in parliament ... they were delighted they are not gay but they believe there should not be in a problem they were about to leave when i talked about Steve Chalke's apparent  epiphany they were thrilled and amazed .. maybe all the evangelicals i thought probs not without some kicking and screaming remembering the recent mutterings i certainly know some folks who are pretty active opponents... i shared that i felt that Chalke had found a peace comparing the different times i had heard him speak on the matter they were thrilled... and me well GOD BLESS! i shouted as they left... two more people had come out to smoke... one commented on that i had said GOD BLESS! approvingly so i fell into conversation with them... someone having a lot of stuff they were uncomfortable with ... they had found themselves told off for trying to dance oh LORD! they had with them a portable instrument they had brought to play in the middle of the service... though not invited to do so.... i explained that e very church has house rules of some sort... at the same time thinking it didn't seem right or fair surely if someone has the Holy Spirit on them they can do what they liked? to me it did seem harsh.... all this stage managing only some folks got prayed for to be creative everyone else was what prayed for to attend? the person i was speaking to had felt they were supposed to be prayed for but felt that no-one really wanted to pray for them and when they had been prayed for it was brief pretty hands off go away and don't come back stuff! i offered to pray just standing besides them and it was a long session with many challenges and many stories... i felt really priveleged! and glad i felt really GOD appointed ... went to look for friend in pub there was hardly anyone there ... must have been a good evening then?... what had been the topic? something about fully surrendering to Jesus  Praise the Lord!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

recently met up with a street beggar i had hardly seen for a while.... can you pray for...xxx ? i am told they had died last week ... (my street beggar friend is an ex catholic)... only lost 5 friends this year so far.... last year lost 16 by this time.... it seems an astonishing number of friends and associates to lose ... ther is a big sense of community amongst a big ad hoc social grouping of what to call them down and outters with a mix of love and hate and out of control and community spirit that the homeless the were homeless the not quite .... the proportions of dunno epidemic?

epidemic of deaths outskirts of a war zone..... some though are familiar with death.. ex service men shocked out of existence the ability to return heros... no they have been picking up the bits of their friends out of the water off the tank whatever.... the failure of the Gospel to manifest... i feel that for these places on the street and me am i doing much better ... wearying?

i  spout out what comes to mind and that is some comments on the radio about deaths in custody .... that on occasions the physical condition of drugs and alcohol self abusers self harmers...and alcoholics is so poor they cannot withstand the stress and are somehow unrecoverable.... death in custody means they get measured and notated... person in crisis out of control out of depths...  sound stark? who else is forced to have an opinion one way or another...  death elsewhere...

. we addicts are we ever looked on that way? self abusers self harmers....
 i look at my friend i wasn't intending to give a nannystate lecture... but it is a stark reality.... self harming solutions brings...????  i feel a grunged out despair... we do things to give a short term feel good and all it does is mask and disguise with a temporary sense of well being.... hey why should  we not have it so good too?.... the feeling without the solution? the feeling without the resolution.... it's hard to take that the Gospel is a total solution ... we really think that there are other options and hey we ain't got it right or we never gonna get it right?

a recent story in the press was about the death of someone that the vicar noted on facebook someone who didn't seem to be known by anyone but he was an ex marine and from the facebook posting came 200 marines to the funeral ... we are his family said one...



my friend talks about they are working.... they have explained before that what the state pays is not enough... so they are forced to beg... they have an energetic social life and they are usually spotted drunk though lucid ... but they are incapacitated by alcohol dependence....

i am pleased to hear that my friend has recultured their enthusiasm for a small church i have not been to a small church plant from abroad that has rolled it's sleeves up! and meets embraces the poor! Praise the Lord!....   this one goes to church but explains that they cannot go to church if they don't have the fare for the bus... emphesema they explain yup smoking..... i say nothing i am surprised it hadn't occured to me .....

we have had many conversations about the drink and many wearied and enthusiastic easy prayers... for me it's a wonderful miracle that they go to a church where they feel refilled frefreshed... GOD has got folks to want to go with them ... ie folks who want to go to chuirch... hey we are not talking religious righteous church goers we are talking folks that actually ask my friend to take them with them! Praise the Lord!...

[ecuworrier]

yesterday the radio highlighted a topic .... it feels like there is an avalanche and i just baulk at the personal opportunism of some high profile correspondents to ignore or gloss over these issues like the real meat of political correspondence is .. the ones who really care ie have a sense of public service at their heart must be wretching.... we are all being fooled and being made fools of it's like when will the straw break the camel's back? we are innundated with issues... trickle down effect....   today we have the issue of sexual impropriety in the exchelons of high office and influence ... hey this is really BIG... i despair though that all that time gets used with political issue hey ok of our time... but why is the economy ditched by the lib dems.. while they get to grips with hey what it is to be a liberal in 2013?

but hey yesterday it hardly got a mention... the erosion of legal aid for divorce and housing issues...
it was explained that legal aid was one of the post war equilibriations of society along with the nhs and welfare... legal aid  then gave access to the law courts of 80% of the population that otherwise would not have it.... without a written constitution protecting the 'rights' of the citizen seems we are on a hiding to nothing.....

hey cheer up Jesus Loves you ... and your neighbour too?

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

here aree some efforts i did earlier  to try and keep up when the they are not dated but hey... it's all relative?

ok now here we is today.... have just beein to my regular church... it was kinda like i could be here all the time... right up to the pastor and guest leave?... i am reminded of the plutocracy that resides endemically the endemic power structures that do not behave like an image of GOD .... it's like they have not been paying attention to the guest speaker actually they were not there for those particular words... the word gossip... all the little secret conversations that go on punctuated by sideways glances to the person concerned or even the person who ... notices.......   which is like what is going on now.... but GOD is showing me ... how GOD sees me how they squint their view of  the world completely are completely  different places ... i pick up some unholy stuff with them too still they belong to the plutocracy and me well... the tying up and stringing up with their spirit ... others don't see but far from a laid back sense of security and peace.... one is on guard (not everyone) but who are my friends here? who are GOD's friends.... i know why i can't feel safe here why others don't get ... it's become a church for friends of friends and one wonders why they seem to have so few friends though occasional relatives...
 
 Good news though they the church have found a new slave that does the things what the one who died does... similarly somebody who has had a rough sleeping background... as they brush past me ... me i am thinking of the Acts passage about Stephen.... being moved from one role to another and being prayed for the annointing for an administrative role ie human organisational one ....GOD's promise of providence on human rules time.... i love this they pray for annointing and GOD gives gifts a wide ruled perspective... signs and wonders wisdom.. a treasure to be around.... one does however wonder what happened at the church once GOD had switvched roles for Stephen once again... remember he was a deacon but that teaching prostheletising whatever you would have it calledis pretty powerful ... before he goes on to the end for which he is most importantly remembered... the origin of all that teaching material courtesy of a few letters written over all that time?.... my reverie kindof looks at what it would be like if the setting up people the sounddesk people etc did all that... i have become distracted actually what is bugging me is our guest speaker....   
 
i have heard them take this line before ... i didn't believe them then and somehow i don't believe them now either... they are reading Jesus throuhgh Paul's eyes... Jesus never said every action is started by a thought... does that sound more like nouvelle cuisine of the all important pop psychology maybe even drawn from cogito ergo sum? it kindov does to me....   the point being is if we hold our thoughts captive (Paul) so our actions conform to those of ... the mind of Christ ...then we will be ok... to me this is a convoluting way of coming back to the same thing.... ie why don't we search out GOD's HEart for us in the first place ... that WHOLE GOODNESS of GOD thing why do we not search to have the relationship that Jesus has which is direct relationship with GOD that all makes sense to me... i don't get the speaker's take and i am disappointed in them... it is that thing about the expertise of Paul... the speaker even changes what Jesus actually does say that actions come out of our heart... heart goes to mind and then action? no Jesus is saying that our actions come out of our heart's position and that may indeed byp0ass our minds... now that makes sense to me and i lose confidence or interest in the speaker... now why wouyld a bible scholar do that? i wonder why they distort Jesus to make Paul's case... thge spirit of the bible the spirit of the speaker imposed the spirit imposed on the speaker perhaps....( i am reminded of a youtube comment made by someone about Bethel they were complaining about the spirit of Bill Johnson (figurehead leader) and when i read it i felt that they had a point....) why am i here.... i explained to someone that last time they came i could not remember what they had said but i did remember the presence of the Holy Spirit that happened once they had in fact stopped talking and asking for the Holy Spirit.... that was something else!!! ... something they did say though that spoke to me was that thing about how we view others in the church.... in secret... does this count this clatter of keyboard? of course it does! and that is why i am saying help to GOD on all this... what is going on that i am being affected by?... GOD what is your purpose with this? bring your revelation.... please Lord Your Peace Your Victory! Your Outpouring... something else the speaker managed to say was: to talk about thieves homosexuals pphiles and murderers.... all in one breath... was i impressed with that?... a thought that we were all murderers kindof cheered me up... but i was glad for as i always am the outward expression of theology by the people who write books and shape the
thinking... who take thoughts captive ... the speaker had already said something about the listener not intellectualising what they were saying... and actually by the time the Holy Spirit time came they had lost me completely ... i said to GOD can we do this at home .... GOD said yes
 
where are the poor here... well the poor are busy happy to have something to do ... and the poor have otherwise to fall into line with the power brokers who to be fair sometimes receive GOD's revelation.... on my way i stopped for a beggar and ivited them to come to church for tea and coffee and refreshments if not for church.... they explained that they were not comfortable with church... even though they did through their circumstances receive what churches had to offer.... they had a very clear position one of discomfort... and they had a church based background that started all this.... they were afraid and somehow somewhere in theri spirit on the run.... i prayed for them openly ... and now i am thinking hey you know what what about Jesus direct in all this....
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struggles to make space and docking denied...
 
so here we are afterall.....
 
loads ofthings crammed in before managing to get from a to b... just one step forward for every ....
 
cos i coiiuldnt get in start browsing... news stories of poverty rain down one way or another.....   the change in law concerning squatter's rights gives all power back to the landowners.... it is an interesting aspect of law i feel that actually gave squatters some rights in the first place....  a benevolence? a freedom from abuse of those who had nowhere else to go?   an opportunist's acquisitive ? squatting rights ... i have known various folks over the years that have made albeit temporary home in empty propertys usually with others i have known folks who lived in buildings with permission from the owners.... rough and ready to a desire to create a place like home .... i have also met folks who squat and are less than polite drug addicts alcohol dependents and their friends and their exploiters....
 
is it the rawness of need or the boundaries... i would never do that therefore i shall do this instead that offends... the housing need can only push up prices can only help the housing market but what about folks who can't afford or can't manage... or don't want to play ball.... as increasingly individuals are taking to cars if they have them... folks being worn out... earlier a squatter spoke eloquently about the options facing them.... not squatting... they were a student previously living as au pair but the family unable to manage any more financially .... they felt they had options cos of their social circle of friends had sofas for surfin.... i liked that they were acutely aware that others in their group were not so fortunate....    home is about resources and it is also about social community... the commodification of domestic arrangements has caused breakdown of neighbourhood communities fragmentation of the political meanings of what the role of government should be.... or what community should mean.... the all in this together means what for people who are not housetrained socially trained to be anything but stress to sit next to ....
 
 
 
i had a conversation recently with someone from a different country i'd heard them speaking on this before... they are working in a factory here in the uk listening to them you'd think they have nothing good to say about the english work colleagues... but i have heard this before a building site worker who cannot believe how many teabreaks english workers take.... the work environment is the populated by the semiskilled.... what of the standards of application? my companion is clearly shocked.... this wouldn't happeon the continent!   nowhere in europe!....  so no pride either? no management or supervision?  the unsatisfied working the soulless earning a living... money at the end of the day soul destroyed... i remember the chinese factory worker suicides when one is on this assembly line one is somehow in a vortex of no other place to go.....  this is a far cry from like working for a living... where is the life...


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

i feel quite emotional still..... it's an odd one this....  for years the world has been divided well pretty much so with the notion of  revolutionaries and sympathies come naturally to some and are unthinkable to others kindov troubled in with the black and white of socialism/communism etc and the who's side are you on if you dare speak out against the friends of your nation!.... but those who have who speak the fluency of idealism .... you see it's so often a debate about chains and breaking chains and yokes .... and long listening has left me with the obvious disinterest of a ruling elite in the plight of the poor... and issue of is it right or not... is the ruling elite generating suffering for the poor or are the poor just there cos well life's not fair don't expect it to be.... 

i feel emotional you geussed it we are talking the death of Hugo Chavez.. and so there i am thinking somehow oh no and somehow thinking hey he gets in the news from time to time controversially through the odd peculiar statement.... and you know what....that outpouring of grief has caught my breath and i try to find out about him a bit more.... and am surprised at how little i know... you see what has attracted my interest is the revolutionary interest in the poor.... a claim by someone that he had helped the poor that he had brought down the rich poor divide and redistributed wealth in his country.... i was interested to see he had been a bit of a revolutionary himself joining the military and attemtping a coup but he was pretty determined it seems and with that determination there is a vibrant result....

i didn't used to be a fan of the revolutionaries Fidel castro was the enemy (according to all the rhetoric i had ever heard) Che gevara was dead... what did he do then?.....   but for a long while now i have been intrigued in well .... the poor suffer badly when there is no-one to help them ... i have been intrigued with the church's response at time to merrily turn a blind eye at times to we have to make a stand in the here and now..... injustice.... who cares.... there is a book there is a film it's called the motorcycle diaries.... and it is the story of a journey of a middleclass medical student from middle class buenos aires to help out at a mission many miles away.... it is the story of Che Geuvara....  and it is his sotry of coming of age.... and there is a critical moment where to be honest he could well have gone to the Gospel but he could not sit by and watch what happened throughout america what he had seen and the church was hardly behaving like Jesus as he was shocked at the the leprosy mission by the people devoted by GOD... he became a man of action and was someone who didn't survive the conlict and yet he remains a suymbol of hope for freedom.... you see he had 3 choices.... to go with his heart to give his heart to GOD or to smother it for an easy existence... i mean how can we not cry at the story he tells just a tiny handful of incidents but defining moments of endemic inequalities accross several countries....  and yet these people become the enemy and everyone works terribly hard not to change anything .....

i am glad that they manned up while i am not advocating violence by any means no me i believe in the Gospel but so do the people who do nothing ....

and it is in recent past that some passionate people have become elected across countries in  South America the first indigenous person a flux of women leaders ... ..people with a passion of what is wrong needs fixing for the endemically poor.... the endemically politically disenfranchised...

i just wish we had more imagination over here and more recognition that things needs fixing.. and i hope the love affair of breaking chains continues.... there's ways and there is wasys...

the expectation of the Gospel is high some of the disciples expect a taking up of arms and is that not just what Jesus calls for? ... only we don't quite get what that means when it does not involve lots of bloodshed... i mean seriously now what is the difference between Jesus and not doing anything at all? even when it hurts to


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,
 

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/hugo-chavezs-death-is-a-body-blow-for-the-poor-and-oppressed-throughout-latin-america-8521834.html?origin=internalSearch

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

stuff that's presented as good news often masks the truth....

earlier this week a story broke with speculation of a potential breakthrough and cure for HIV when a baby with HIV was treated with drugs the day of their birth and found to be completely clear of HIV in New Mexico US.... the billboards excitedly reflected this event as a breakthrough.... well maybe in the rich west a few babies maybe rescued in this way and Praise the Lord if this is the case .... but Lord! really do we have to focus euphoria on the saving of one life while so many poor do not have access to the basic levels of medication the world over?

on the other hand should i really be so miserable about the saving of one life?  recently someone was talking excitedly about how they had gone to a christian conference... 'impartation ' ... for Healing? they said breathlessly... well i hope i didn't dampen their enthusiasm Lord!.... all i could think of was ... how many impartation conferences had i been to (ok not as many as many!) how many conferences did i now show little interest in attending?... but hey i was on a bit of a roll... you know am i huddled in disillusionment? was i just feeding back my own experience where i have been excited? was i missing out and narked... you see i could of gone to that conference.... well if i had known about it apparently i had been emailed? or had i just gone yawn ..... i was saying i was on a bit of a roll.... the person who was telling about this was in fact also telling about they had been poorly throughout the conference i asked if they had been prayed for..... and said they should have asked for their money back..... gottago

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21714645
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-20226345

Mahalia Jackson rose to great heights in the world.. and she came from poverty overcrowded household strict disciplinarian aunt replacing mother.... i spent some time once chasing some youtube clips and i was startled by how an aroma of poverty is somehow perpetuated something of the little poor girl remains with her throughout her life...

i do get irritated... quite often we get sidetracked by folks who have made it good from startling beginnings and they sometimes they say themselves they are evidence it can be done... i guess i am irritated with myself at this moment with the whole thing of the ooh factor folks overcoming the odds so you cheer them on... my expoerience in real life has been the tough made good remain tough and ain't given nothin away...  that escape from poverty.... so the theory goes you too can and therefore the poor have only themselves to blame for the plight they are in ... contrast that to the poor are the victims in other words everyone would be rich if it weren't for the rich and the rich themselves are responsible.... i idly think of the real life faces of those i walked by on the poor hill yesterday the adults grunge life dictated lives unlived lives broken before they begun those lives broken before a 'better' life course came along... our dreams.... not long ago i listened to someone on the theme of negativity and Spirituality we are completely able not to think those thoughts we just take them captive ... hey that's nice have you too sat in one of those seminars where a bright middle class addition to humanity gets paid to have you sit through with disbelief or perhaps a little experiment or two lasts about 2 hours... hey am i being negative here? the Gospel is what has brought about any change i can value.. the realisation not a thought thing but a life experience thing that somehow the head eventually gets the message on... when GOD calls out it's the message that call on the Name of the Lord and you will be saved or rescued it's GOD that actually does the transforming bit so why is it we on the whole are such rubbish students.. where do we put our attention? when the chips are down? the Gospel is there but who will be 'MY MESSENGER' oh we sing and read stuff and hear the mutterings behind us of yyesss! and tomorrow is like well like the day before the morrow of new life! we were treated to a new addition to our pr;ayer meeting... and my heart sank .... hi hi i was pleased to see and oh!?? we were treated to a great religious philosopher full of Paul full of something quite dark talking about love and yes they ascribe transformation to GOD and the humility of experience but oh brother!... you don't usually decide so quickly when you are offered a lift... remarked my lift er.. i wanted to flee from the place the new addition was not in a hurry to leave.... everything about this person bothered mne even when they agreed with me! and i was not quite beyond recognising that i could see stuff that was.. i use the word dark quite loosely... i don't want to criticise... denominationalism had been apparently a theme on this person's heart and suddenly .. out came ...'i don't want to criticise .... but and off they were again... to the extent that treasure of the night someone who had taken some similar line was in effect telling them off you can't criticise someone else's belief... hey great news... i had to remark that it was great to hear them say that remembering a time when.....

i check out some stuff idling ... you know i have kindov run out of inspiration for what i am actually doing and then well someone has come and annoyed me so i am gonna stay ...  the pair of us caught in a poverty trap of aggro and community breakdown.... an doodle i do... that's when hey it's a epidemic theme .... kid's in this country who grow up in care... become unplaceable ... kids who grow up in care .. at risk ... kids who grow up in care have no limited support at the vulnerable age of young adulthood.... the various crises with care.. brutality the care scare thing with the ghastly man saville... and are enough kids up in care... and guess what here is a new solution being piloted one county council wants to recruit foster parents who are more better equipped than the norm so they target police prisonofficers and social workers.... hey i think this pretty good thinking on the one hand .. on the other hand i am thinking when do these good folks who have all this skills they exercise at work suddenly get  chill out time scheduled in their days?  so what do we do with a problem like Maria?.... shouldn't we all then be equipped?.... 


well this is what the nuns of the convent of rogers and hammerstien thought....

....

i am so glad there is gradually creeping out studies with numbers on the effects of long term damage that occurs home community school for kids  .. that more recently all we hear about is those who were er done a favour? by being systematically bullied and what did happen to the bullies? that events like sexual abuse neglect physical emotional psychological spiritual abuse create life prisons.... the sentencing of offenders remains disproportionate in comparison... just on a scale of tooth for a tooth would be appropriate surely ... but no the bible sets out some disproportionalities of it's own when it comes to notions of sentencing....

the unwantedness the unpreparedness of it all the wantonness oh here we go unresolved but spilling over into....  the problems

but hey where does fixing come in as a natural part of community structures... or is it that the normality of community structures is that some thrive some do not and some is beautiful and given all the aah factor and some just aint...  if this is not how it's meant to be then Lord what is? bring it to pass please.. in the Name of Jesus

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

in the middle of town help! completely out of communication... the old ways of knowing when and where collapse with a bit of weather and now here i am thinking help... hey but how many poor folks do you know who don't have mobile phones! i am feelin left out... am i missin out on somethin... meanwhile all around me stuff just vanishes! and me i is chasing my tail apparently for want of somethin better to do with the moment...

... time and place matter ... and i keep finding myself in the same place ... and am i doin what i think i am doin? well no! but is GOD doin what GOD wants doin well yep!... i ask GOD if GOD help me do what i ... i want some sort of deadline for accomplishment and you know what GOD says yes will help and you know what? me i wander off and do somethin else! never quite managing this sense of accomplishment.... hey maybe that is what i am doin right now sort of!... but hey i ain't got to where i is feels needzs to be or so i think? i was telling someone the story of a journey of some weeks to get somethin done and how GOD engineered things.. right on time showing me that GOD was on the case manoevering others and bringing GOD's best.. over the weekend i find myself being reflected back to... sounds like you are fighting with GOD when you need to ... well yes !  sometimes we needs to have a good scrap to move forwards... there is something about the stillness the sullenness of silence the scariness of moments ticking by leaving you behind ... there is only one... tick ticktick... only one tick tock tick tock... one chance to make things happen?.... or even one moment gone by?.... GOD and happenings what if we miss the moment... there is something about the discipline of being on time? of being in time that i feel that i lacks.... me i am more like the Dali picture of something just falling off it's framework slow pliable slide... is this life is this New Life?  GOD?

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,