2012 lent blog

[ecuworrier]

ok some GOD adventures..

am on my way someplace and happen upon a busker ... i have met him before comparitaviely refined singing i stop a while to listen... i'm on my way like i say and start ambling along in time to the music that i know a bit.. when suddenly there is a kerfuffle... there is another busker who i have also met from times gone by who is aggressively confronting busker#1 they are pretty much nose to nose .. and i find it a little odd cos busker 2 was busking busily a short distance away.. the problem is not entirely clear but something about noise! i turn to face them calling on Jesus nothing appears to be happening so i amble towards them facing busker #2 saying Jesus and Bless you over and over again... as i am quite close b#2 looks at me the contortions of anger fade and a very different expression appears... and the anger dies down and b#2 leaves .. i don't engage with b#1 who is put out but going back to their singing....  both are musicians with different aspects of the same genre the one i know from long ago is put on my heart and has been for a while they seem so far out far away struggling to exist with what they have or see as their identity a passion for music family unit breakdown and the usual far out and farawayness that affects sensitive people taking them outside of the mainstream but not quite managing to give them a living... GOD has been highlighting this person...

on my way here..... i have already upset this person's other half who i spot in some unlikely clothing i compare them to a well known politician i guess that i think they are that way inclined and am amused that they cannot imagine this politician with that kind of clothes... but indeed some electioneering sported that politician... well i think it's funny!... but anywatsa  i am walking along the road and i spot them walking towards me and i suddenly see a pair of hands like reach out like a child's hands both sides of me... as we are face to face... i tell them of the vision like a child running and wanting to give them a hug... they are very touched and ask for a hug from me... oh !.. they have had a wearisome time and now they are touched by GOD and smiling and laughing...how GOD is GOD!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

oh and yesterday had a rather fabulous prayer group session with friends and words peeling off and a lift home! and just chilled out for the rest of the day at home no no church!

[ecuworrier]

changeable weather ... grumpy drift feeds of well it feels like a mix of north atlantic and autumn and me am feeling well it's been a gribbly day... and more not prayed for not praying... my peace disrupted by some ridiculous thing that ... well i was cross and there was nothing i could do about it!... need to be reminded relax GOD IS in control.. and it's been a weird one well in earthly terms yup!

 it's been a bit weird being within houses with aspects of 'other spiritualities' it's been good though the good and generous folks...  i know there is a sort of fine line for chirstians they believe should not be crossed but it is a pretty invisible line except in the mind... where should one's mind be set for certain... recent conversation:  an evangelist describes an encounter with a church servant .. evangelist asks : what happens after death? the church servant answers: don't know... evangelist is certain and gives the 'proof' church servant takes the 'evidence' to examine with their small group ... evangelist thinks church servant doesn't understand anything... my companions nod in agreement and i pipe up ... hey that's a good answer ~(church servant gave)...  evangelist elaborates on the 'proof' they had that they gave.... something about it doesn't sit readily with me 1~) the pompousness of ...  hey surely born again christians should be all in the know and being all in the know appreciates where others are at ? like imagine GOD sitting shrieking with laughter at the stupidity of the child or adult or their grandmother who just does not geddit... but hey doesn't this demand to know what is or is not Born Again and what is one Born again at? or into.... to have that certainty about religious take on scripture surely means one has been born again into religion?

me i take the evidence and do so logically... it's based on those folks who has come back from the dead.... and has pictures of hell to tell.... i am i confess uneasy with this ... and yes there is some other stuff on the same subject yet to be cogitated on i confess ... what my logic tells me is that these folks have been Healed so why would Jesus Heal them to tell the good folks on earth about ... Jesus Heals! surely oh and really anything else GOD wants to get them to say... got no objection to that... to yodel that these stories show a truth about hell... to me signifies some folks has a belief in hell .... me i has a belief in Jesus Heals and i want to see more... frightening folks to death by giving them life and death options just does not do it for me!... whenever someone says 'the bible says' has me running for the hills!  i don't care what i want to know is what Jesus is doing now can do and will do...  so come on Jesus show something more please in the Holy Name of Jesus!

GOD BLESS!

[ecuworrier]

olk so if i don't think mucho of the evangelist's efforts what of my own///

well.... it feels rather like this all happened a bit by accident,,, it started fine.... you see this treasure hunting milarkey resonates on and on.... like you finish a shift when well one or both have had quite enough excitement for one day.... however look at your sheets there's always something not quite crossed off.... usually some names well it has been with us.... the day after our last effort i found myself at a gig.... and there was an acquaintance of mine and.... there they were sporting a garment from my trhting partners sheet and they had the same name an unusual one from that same sheet.... my eyes went wide .... i was dying to tell them ... well they had left before i had the chance.... and then they turned up again at another time another place .... and by the third time this had happened oh brother well this time i got the chance to speak to them again... amazingly they again had same garment so i ventured the peculiar tale of said sheet.... together we backtracked to the when i saw them first time ... and there was a kindov pause.... turns out we had trhunted the day before and this person had had an important event that they were involved with where they were leading some other folks who had been meeting to prepare for this on a regular basis leading up to the event,,,, this person had had a peculiar lead up to the event filled with challenging stuff and was filled with some apprehension about the actual event as well as how it was going to go for the others... and much to their surprise it went really well.... they said i could tell my trh partner that.... at that point we were at a bus stop waiting for their bus to come ... i asked them if there was anything they needed prayer for ,,, and they thought then said what about you ..... i was a little surprised by that and started to tell the self described agnostic about well i was trying to say that hey as a christian its part of my life to offer prayer and rabbitted on about the process of trhi-ng and then... well started talking about Jesus like what Jesus did and talked about Jesus standing there and Healing the five thousand that really we should be doing that as christians and like that's what we .... did i say we will be one day? the bus came the person gratefully lept onto it and me i was feeling seriously bemused......  to have a conversation left at that point...... i looked for GOD who was beaming down... as i relate this here i can only say ...  er was that my prayer request?  what was coming up for me was hey well look this trhunting thing is really cool but there must be a closer place to Jesus and GOD the Father surely? as well as trying to say hey you know what christians is not really qyute at where/// well the potenial the potentiate of GOD is... well you know i have had conversations with this person before.... so i guess GOD is on theri case....   am i mad? though.... after the bus had gone i continued my walk along this road and had an uncomfortable recollection of evangelising once before.... a few years previously and it was pretty close to after seeing the Lonnie Frisbee video and i met one of my then nonchristian pals and they were really open to hearing what i had to say and there i was in a rare moment of full flow when this third person came along and inexplicably wacked them so hard they nearly fell over... then walked away and whacked the next person they met and ran away.... it was a very weird moment indeed and it left me feeling well....  embarrassed? really well and utterly confused.... i prayed for the Healing of their injury but hey! though i did flow out some GOD lateral for a friend of theri flat mate....  ok so am walking down this same street with the memory and striding along amidst the miscellany of the folks who were about was someone clearly not having a good day and having plenty to shout at everyone about and wave theri guitar in an aggressive and confrontational fashion ... they were out of it ok and as i passed them i started to pray and continued to pray as prayer was apparently having well what sort of effect? actually it was sort of having effect of sorts... though when they decided to take on the traffic as well i was begining to wonder ... eventually they seemed to continue theri journey peaceful well as far as i watched anyway... oh dear!!  this just feels complete contrast to me the talking about the bible a few minutes previous.....oh dear

i do feel though challenged...

since then i was sitting with another associate we were talking about freedom what does freedom mean and that immediately made me think of the way i hear christians going on about freewill.... again we have chatted previously.... freewill like it was only ever going to get us into serious trouble and yet Jesus is all about freedom the Gospel is about setting free aND IN EFFECT LETTING LOVE LIVE....  like in the Kingdom of Heaven is nigh the Day of Favour of the Lord seems to me all about is about setting free from bondage well for me Freedom was not something to be feared ,,,, i felt i had a sense that it was a really GOOD thing outside of the cultural religious teaching which all goes to make us feel really bad about not conforming and smug but out of touch for those that confom (just musing here again) and relational human mind heart entrapments.... my associate at one point pointed out that words don't do it.... they compared a neat and borrowed analogy about a map not being the same as the territory.... i liked that.,... i especially  jghad a bit of a sigh moment in that.... i had kindov wandered into that place and there i was to my own ears sounding like a religious nut.... yup words don't do it ,,,,, words is not the same as GOD;s Territory ..... hey i like that!   i went back to quote CSI mysteriously i feel..... yup i said people sometimes lie ==and as my associate had already observed they can[t do more than draw maps with their words .... whgich should be sufficient actually?.... at the end of the day the journey is our own....==but the evidence never does .......   do i suddenly feel in the way or what?/////  interestingly as soon as we start comparing ourselves to others on the basis of our inadequacies..... or theirs we make it all about ourselves our entrapments our inadequacies.... really we need to start getting on with GOD..,..  rather more than i appear at present.....

and as for this week's treasure hunting bizarrely or not it's been moved twice already

GOD rounds the circle.... what with all the confusion of what happens where.... earlier i find myself backtracking to pop into a church with an open door.... someone is there not unusual /// earlier that day they had thought of me and sent a message of love via somebody who had popped in from my church.... and here i was to exchange messages of love and Jesus' Love in person before that happend ... i like that it is something of GOD's LOVE in tghat! but GOD is somehow like that!  ... andnow look forward to discover whether the messenger manages  to deliver the greeting


GOD MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!!!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

hmmm ..on the way on the other side of the road a couple plus baby buggy plus baby are walking... i lift my hand to wave they are oblivious OR are avoiding to catch my eye....  i don't pursue the effort... but watch the oblivious or studious avoidance.... they are from my church...  they left went to faraway places had a baby and are now attempting to return to our place... i know our pastor will be pleased, who misses one of them...  me well i did not know they had left! till it was mentioned they had ... had a party and all sorts... me i feel totally like well they haven't really said goodbye.... so if they turns up again well it will just be like they haven't been for a while.... however it has been that the one who is missed has popped up on the street from time to time and always friendly to say hi... nice cos we have absolutely nothing in common except that GOD has us in the same place....   though at some point ... well it was like i say we has nothing in common.... it is interesting though cos the one has been at our church for a while and folks know them from before they were married... seems those who knows the one from before then have a very fond view of them ... me i is as i confess... kindov less enthusiastic... sure i recognise the Holy Spirit when i see it and that is GOOD ... i also feel somewhat bemused by well they come from a charismatic family with a vibrant kind of background in terms of exposure and therefore experience.. and me i look on and can't help feeling well where did it all go ... like well anywhere? i know they are bemused and disappointed even by their experience within our locality... and me well i thinks ... does this sound like a bitching to you well it sure sounds like it to me!.... the other one meanwhile is someone who i might have far more in common with than i found that i do.... leaving me feeling decidedly aghast actually there is a small group with the same well credentials in terms of their declared interests but seriously this is really peculiar! the cultural and voice perspectives of folks in the church on issues that actually are important and matter..... in the world that is.... the other one actually comes from another church that i like the folks from if anything them that i know i can relate well with cos of their interest in issues that are of importance and matter their ways are somehow very different! but here modelled into marriage and all that we are in a view of religious perspectives and peculiarity stuff that i really do not relate with... and so the sight of two christians walking along with a buggy brings about that interesting perspective and that is that odd anxiety and over protectivity they exhibit and so it is no particular surprise to find a circumstance whereby they might actually be avoiding me and me i could not care less about the new baby with so many worries born new for this pair.... and that is how it is .. as we have an avalanch of new life in the form of babies born into the fold and folks is seriously worried about keeping them in the fold... well there you has it all this new life and serious anxieties about not just the physical but the Spiritual protection of the good folks what is increasing the church numbers while  carefully avoiding the unclean and the 'unsavory' lest....

another chapter in the life of the church!

this week we did our treasure hunt... i was really fed up ... i had had to stay at home for two days but then it did kindov make sense... when well they had been previously but they had missed something.....?????  well just as well turns out cos when the latest gas engineer had to repeat all the checks they found a gas leak .. only a tiny one but nevertheless a leak and guess where? right at the place where i smoke! wow GOD! not spotted previously? was it there previously...

well our treasure hunt was different again.... i was time pressed which is not the best way to do stuff.... and we kindof went for coffee first after we had completed our lists.... playing with balls of wool? our locations were a little odd... we ended up in the area without actually venturing into the actual well very official building... i let my trh accomplice do the being led.... but still we found some folks to pray for ... we ended up at the other of two locations... and i was very aware of the busyness of folks passing through.... so i said to GOD ok get the ones you want to pray for to stop... so GOD did... a non believer... a believer verrry sceptical about church with some dramaztic life experiences.....  a someone i have previously met doing street stuff elsewhere!... who says they doesn't believe  but they went on and on seemingly rebutting prayers.... but quite a chatter..... and then i said to GOD and GOD got us to move on ...

and i had to borrow some money to pay for a taxi to take me someplace fastasposs ... to discover a regular bus actually goes that way!

hey ho

GOD is GOOD in MYSTERIOUS WAYS!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

dripping wet..and apparently determined to do this... listening to something letting off steam apparently... it's a great gurgling noise..

earlier today dozed off i'd been threatening to do it without actually achieving this and so when one wakes suddenly out of a dream.... and well oh no been asleep ... guess i am still in that drowsy state hours later you know that drowsiness of early morning just 5 minutes more... it's quite pleasant really

some time ago:....  one knows one is thought of as a holy person when somebody asks one to interpret their dream..  oh no! i protest complete ignorance on the matter as well as a primal uneasiness... we have recently both been treated to the story of Joseph and his apparent prophetic success in the matter ... hallmark of his prophetic gifting and special GOD LOVED GOD CHOSEN status... and now i am being asked if i will do the honours... i have a suspicion that i am going to have to listen to this dream no matter what...  but gives me a platform to express and explain my complete reluctance in the matter .. well ... me well after listening to two of the more spiritually thought of people attempt uninvited to interpret a dream i once had with such unlikely conclusions and afterall it was my dream and i knew exactly what it meant i had just explained it they weren't interested in my explanation they weren't even listening ... i later get asked if i have asked soandso who has a reputation for interpreting dreams.... i have just told them i understand my dream .... so whywouldi? add to their er interferences? ....and privately am thinking ..i would be rather reluctant to approach soandso on any matter Spiritual ....  and maybe i have the kind of bias from my background that renders me perfectly suspicious of the universal declaration of interpretation of dreams that some people believe is out there courtesy of some of the readers of Messrs Freud, Jung et al... me i rather like the alternative idea that one is best placed to interpret describe one's own dream... besides does not something get lost in translation in the telling?... so is not one rather dependent on the telling... well Holy Spirit interpretation by Divine appointments surely is something worth having.. look at Joseph look at Daniel... ok so where is Jesus on this? me like i say i is reluctant but i gets told the dream anyway.... i feel my eyebrows reaching the clouds... i turn to my companion and say er this is a Holy Spirit dream? they look at me and try to impress on me that this felt very real and made an impression on them... i go through the routine of explaining all the above ... they say maybe i'll ask soandso... cool! say i deadpan.... and thankfully the subject moves on.... some time later they tell me they have approached soandso and so i am curious.... soandso's response suggests a similar not quite getting this dream as a prophetic masterpiece either...

well my dream earlier today was certainly one of the Spiritual dreams i have had ... curiously it involves folks from my churches past and present ... apparently we have a joint service of sorts and guess what.... me i manage to miss it all.... but have curious interactions with folks from my old church as well as my new one... me i seem to be in a bit of a Spiritual wilderness at least as far as the folks of the respective churches are concerned.... then.... i find myself in this very curious place... of a recurring dream! i am trying to get from A to B and it seems to require crossing of a river where there are bridges but the route from A where i am and B where i am apparently trying to get to is not that straight forward....and i am remembering the last time i was in this position..... and the journey is even more complicated somehow.... there is something very similar about this position but somehow my geographical starting place is altered my destination is unknown.... it is a city like or is London  .... what is it i am following where is it i am trying to get to why such a big city? why is the journey so hard and why am i already deflated? looking for Jesus looking for something somewhere on my own trying to absorb the landscape...oh Dear Lord!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

..cramped in for a few minutes ... and pissed off-it has to be said!

i am pissed off for all sorts of reasons it has to be said! and that is before i get to speak to anyone from my church!...

actually things aren't that bad it's just that i is in that inbetween place... yesterday seems i was a hapless target for my non christian friends.. and in a way it is all my own fault!.... i had to choose and i forgot to ask GOD which group to join... like i had a choice? well i was given one.. and am crap at decision making so one goes for what should be a best option... but as soon as i approach the number one member of the group i find myself making the comment i hope we won't fight ..of course number one member of the group pleads innocent then continues the day and days thereafter completely proving my instinct! by the time my group is complete well.... the moments of it looking a plausible group are passing quickly!  then seems all the relevant information is well it's like one of those early computer games you go along by trial and error learning bit by bit what shoudl be happening what the objectives are and what the pitfalls are and how to avoid them.... it's pathetic suddenly our teacher says well it wasn't meant to work that way ...no kidding.... i am convinced everything is conspiring to hinder my development and am all at sea and am apparently all at sea with GOD the last person i want to talk to right now i am sulking with GOD too! relax GOD is in control! one feels oneself spinning around to belt the person saying those words... as well as the person sitting next to me right now who has a lurgie that they are liberally spraying about the place... you know that moment when you want to give them one of your own? surely you are carrying some really choice lurgies? you see i am seriously out of sorts... it's like i am blaming everyone!

relax GOD IS IN CONTROL! you see if i had asked GOD instead of rushing into yet another dimension of really tough out of my depth training....? well i didn't and i am feeling well pissed off!... the difference being if GOD had said... then i could say hey GOD ok here i am just where you want me so now what!... one error of judgement leads to another....


so here goes hey GOD what do You want me to do now?

you see a coupla days completely sine church and what happens?  well tbh i have quite enjoyed the escape... yesterday was a little wonderful actually... i had more than one non church Jesus experience with my non christian friends .... the first one started like this:

friend says i am sorry i had a go at you...  what? i am a little bemused it has to be said!....

i hadn't noticed ... i had noticed that everyone seemed to be having a go at me but what warranted apology?

well it was quite simple ... i thought we were having a debate!... well we were... i discover that friend is into pagan spiritualities but actually they originate from a conformed church background sundayschool and all sorts... we have a laid back chat where i share some of my rather strange testimony... they oddly start with the what pisses them off is the whole thing with gays and the church... i don't actually think they are gay but so i come out... and broaden it out from my experience of church that it discriminates against and does not Minister to a whole lot else (i could have added and it demonises too but that didn't quite come to mind) and it's so nice to have a laid back chat about stuff that i understand... and they welcome my chat.. and when it gets to the inevitable 'i have never heard a sermon on that' they say 'well you should preach it'  in the middle of all this someone comes along and mentions that one of my other friends is a muslim now that takes me by surprise....

the last part of the day is asking them about it... and yes i am interested in the sundayschool to islam story! no time..


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

friend says i am sorry i had a go at you...  what? i am a little bemused it has to be said!....

i hadn't noticed ... i had noticed that everyone seemed to be having a go at me but what warranted apology?

well it was quite simple ... i thought we were having a debate!... well we were... i discover that friend is into pagan spiritualities but actually they originate from a conformed church background sundayschool and all sorts... we have a laid back chat where i share some of my rather strange testimony... they oddly start with the what pisses them off is the whole thing with gays and the church... i don't actually think they are gay but so i come out... and broaden it out from my experience of church that it discriminates against and does not Minister to a whole lot else (i could have added and it demonises too but that didn't quite come to mind) and it's so nice to have a laid back chat about stuff that i understand... and they welcome my chat.. and when it gets to the inevitable 'i have never heard a sermon on that' they say 'well you should preach it'  in the middle of all this someone comes along and mentions that one of my other friends is a muslim now that takes me by surprise....

the last part of the day is asking them about it... and yes i am interested in the sundayschool to islam story! no time..

contn'd...  so yup i did not get the unexpected story.... hey that's after me boasting to other friend that i can see spiritualities well actually i can... and now a bit of closer inspection reveals yup i can see this one too ... the unexpected muslim friend .. what i didn't really see... you see one can get confused as confused within the church as outside of it where the visual effects alone are .. well there is some serious overlap but what is more ... if one expects something of someone eg like in a church that someone saying all the right things in the right places but still one can see... something that needs fixing ...  my umf is open to conversations about GOD and is quite comfortable with me being out as a christian as well as out as gay which is oh so refreshing umf being a real darling as well ....   earlier in the day pf umf and me sat together and me i got irritated by the usual smug this is better than the rest conversation....upping the hype on one's own 'thang' the complete earlthy and i guess Spiritual reason we all is there the three of us at that moment in time... i can not bear it and explain i am sick to death of this kindof talk within my church scenarios... and find myself dramatically praying out loud in the Name of Jesus ! for the temples of the wall to fall... it's quite a moment and then back to the 'thang'.... earlier it's not just homosexuality that puts off folks it's Student's Christian Union ... again me i is quite sympathetic  to that not everyone wants to have things of Grace and Love and everything that IS GOD rammed down one's throat by some precocious hysterical young christian trying to earn cudos and spurs amongst their peers and church ... can't think why! oh could it be the blame one gets for not taking to this er social documentary? could it be that unfathomable you believe in what!!??

you believe in what!!??? said another friend.... there was umf me and another friend standing together yes i do i repeated it's my experience.... umf was defending umf's own experience as it were the exact centre of attention of 'something in there'... another friend was ... well -last week when af was talking you know the usual could just as easily be a christian .. af had some very definite views about something that affected af's ability to take somebody seriously... i said 'Bless you'  af turned around and said don't 'you bless me... (something i couldn't quite catch)'... so i said it again to their retreating back...- well this time they kindof took a step closer to say something and then somehow vered around showing theri back... i just said again ... that was my experience of GOD that GOD shows Blessing that everything we do even if we are reluctant to ... GOD just wants to show Blessing... GOD is pretty inexplicable in explanation except that GOD was somehow pretty BIG in that moment without me having to say a word more... i had just asked umf about the um thing so it was true ... i was surprised but hey you know what i said ... whatever gives /brings you peace ... cos that's what Jesus is about without us having a hysterical know all attitude to back Him up... it had felt a theme that ... relax GOD is Control and therefore GOD brings GOD's Revelation in GOD's own Time and therefore whoever anyone is whatever they are in their lives wherever they has got to GOD just wants to say Hi wants to say 'I LOVE YOU' and everything has a purpose of one sort or another... so who are we to say how clever we are for being a christian... and how stupid hapless rebellious or ignorant everyone else is... i feel i had what feels like a VERY BIG REVELATION about this with MUCH LOVE from GOD during this last year and i felt quite excited about it! cos GOD outside the church? of course GOD IS cos GOD IS EVERYWHERE GOD IS JUST SO AS GOD IS GOD IS!!!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

walking home missed appointments...or?  it's raining and i pass a womaninadoorway...  asking me for... i turn around and say GOD BLESS YOU! i realise ah yes this was... yes i have seen her before and she dismissed me as one of those religious types as i was talking to her now believing compainion... that event left me pondering and what should i have said i should have let the Holy Spirit give her the chance to proove stuff.... instead of embarrassedly skulk away embarrassed cos i is one of those religious types i is so keen to distance myself from or just keep it simple i know i should have said something like GOD use the opportunity for front foot something... does this sound like me stage managing GOD a bit? actually it was me searching for where the Holy Spirit was setting me up for and me i forgets in the moment to look for GOD afterall GOD HAS set up the appointment to talk to the believer... that i should have taken earlier when i saw said believer?... sb wanted a chat i wanted a chat with sb now in this unavoidable moment the conversation is stilted into the box of three additional suspicious or at least abandoned by religious types ... what's their objection i wonder....  to be called a religious type somehow suggests somehow that is how one comes across... Spirituality often has a different form of vocabulary... religious type suggests church going and with that nothing to offer of worth note value relatability or perhaps even offering exactly the right things but thwarted the religious type crawls away embarrassed thinking the accuser is an idiot.... or a rebellion at the very least!  so here in the now it is raining i am being asked for ... i am truely not listening and seems i have kindov developped a lack of sympathy... GOD is however on the warpath cos next! 21 or so paces on... i spot somebody asking someone i am musing deep with GOD on something am aware and then.... i am asked i again do not wait for what is asked but muse along saying GOD BLESS! hey i look into the vacant eyes of a drug induced coma of the person asking for what i'm not gonna bother even to find out and say GOD BLESS! and walk on.... you know out of sight out of mind... hardly, i have only just been musing on these matters in the state of the church so i trudge carefully forward praying stuff for one and both these missed GOD encounters....  i had no patience no compassion no heart no inclination no integrity to treat them with the respect that life itself deserves/... and no i is not hiding behind the best thing i has to offer is GOD's Blessing! it is ... but it is only the third person by then many prayers and musings and passed people later that i look in the eye as they ask me for something and all i have is GOD BLESS! i say it again and look into their eyes i mean it this time and something comes on they look back into my eyes as i say it....

earlier today ... the rains have gone.... they have? oh... i look up to the sky it sure looks blue.... i have just bumped into somebody i used to bump into regularly but in the last year or so sporadically so.... they are a christian.... a church going one ... to a different church.... at first i am inclined to bypass them knowing they haven't noticed me before i notice them and i have the ample aid of a stopped group chatting that i have to walk around... well i have ideed just been bypassed by ... a spiritual non christian from many times ago someone who did have a church background i seem to recall....  but now... ah i can see it it is certainly not Jesus!.....  i am kindov pondering this... awhile... at the moment... i find myself spin around to greet  christian friend.....  ok why was i in a hurry to avoid them? well ok there is this .. a frustration with their charismatic church that .... well does it have to be charismatic church that's the problem after all insight is insight to pray for ... it's just the place folks gets left once they has filled in all the forms is just where they gets left the deed is done as far as this church or the next church is concerned and the results ie the tick box of methodology of religious practice gets elevated and they get mentioned in terms of their appearance at chiurch their activities within church how much the leaders warm to them inother words are they useful as they are? if they are they get mentioned from time to time... if they are not then well maybe 1) they will be one day or 2) maybe they will not be and will move on?.... this is christianity no matter what denomination.... attenders are vital to the life of the church and it does not quite matter how happy or unhappuy they are ..... especially when they are out of sight out of mind.... so i spend some time listening and praying and praying somemore ... one of the things i pray about well it's kindof like i'm given information i cannot help myself prayers just fall out of my lips and GOD seems to be helping along the way with some stuff that i don't actually utter.... hey you think praying for you is any different? actually i am praying for someone not immediately present... same rules apply...
they thank me for the prayers and something dawns on me this is unusual for christian to actually pray about folks when they meet eachother like casually like that... GOD has more for them and i come away feeling humbled and person in question looking a lot... well more human.... a bit further on i get rained on again!

a bit further on again....  seems i have not been listening too well actually seems nobody is listening too well.... and that is with exact communications....

ok see how you handle this one!  you offer to pray for someone.... you pray ... you ask them how they are a bit later on ... they say they are worse.... then you ask them again offering to pray... they say no!
or even you hesitate to pray after all that!....  well i missed out on this one and all because i felt totally excluded from any of the above cos of the past.... BUT i could offer a prayer story of my own that happened during the year... when someone i ever so slightly know had one of those ridiculous accidents could have happened to any of us... you know fall off chair (sober!) and end up with weird ankle injury.... i offered to pray when person with limp came into view!! they let me.... next time i saw them it was worse not only was it worse person was now on more crutches and bandages etc than previously.... well this went on and at some point it was me wanting to run for the hills everytime i saw them... anyway in terms of me doing the evangelical thing and puffing out my chest with pride and GOD making me feel very smug about GOD'N'ME i was feeling very responsible ... you see the bits of the chronology were like this ... as soon as i come all blazetrailing for GOD things seem to go from a bad to worse... i mean how could that person see things in any other way! me i thought GOD was gonna sort that ankle out superquick and all would be.... ok who would get the attention then?  GOD says do not rejoice in that the demons flee but because you have that relationship with Heaven .. (you are written in the book) too often we are focused on the wrong things... we have our own agendae.... i was telling this story cos.... well it had suddenly occured to me ... you see i saw that person recently ... actually a few times and you know what... suddenly it occurs to me their body being for want of a better pjhrase is different... there is something changed about the same person....  and i only just noticed it... so me i get to risk the reputation of be3ing one of those evangelical types ... and GOD gets to have done something of GOD i quite like that... i think i am also telling this cos everyone seems to be at risk of confused and complicated agendae... i am therefore i pray.... i am what therefore i pray... GOD wants it both ways why GOD's Way of course... that's only one way GOD WINS GOD GETS THE GLORY! wel GOD has the GLORY ANYWHOW... last night/thius morning i find a rather long passage it's all on this theme it's something like... Job 38-42? you know where GOD once GOD is on a theme makes it a GOOD ONE AND A LONG ONE... well where was i ? where were you

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

oh prayers for you too!

[ecuworrier]

today has also been a gribbly day i have just left someplace full of explatives but asking for the Love of the Holy Spirit as i go... the problem i am trying to get out quite suddenly tout de suite! and technology is defying me .... the problem since i am not otherwise in much of a hurry ....  the unwelcome as well as about time too appearance of someone needed to do some other technology... why shoudl i complain? i have had a whole session of pretty much peace and getting on with stuff that is required of me as well as adding one or two bits to that... as well as i should be completely delighted to find out that person who has just arrived is gravitating towards.... well an experienced christian has offered them a bit of training and the possibility of doing some work with them.. so suddenly life is looking up for them so Praise GOD HALLELUJAH! it's this that's pissing me off....  me i am thinking that is all very well but actually what about dealing with the stuff that is left pretty much undealt with... it feeds into a perception that masculinity has amongst itself acted out particularly in patriarchal environments that argues that a man has to work... you've heard that one said in patriarchal mainstream i'm sure ... and if work is not available in a format that resembles 'work' then crisis sets in and seems like 'the man about the house' cannot do the things that's needed to be done, and cannot develop in a resourceful way... i know i am exagerating but look i have just run from the hills by what i can so obviously see that is so obviously lost on the male christian chums of pwhja ... it's a wider thing than just pwhja of course.... and it completely pissed me off with the person who died.... tpwd

a man has to have work.... means it is completely irrelevant to women...to be engaged socially in the big machine that is society? having listened several times to the same phrase being used that is the clear conclusion i have from the nuance as well as interesting attempts at entering discourse...

tpwd died at a time when they had left a particular merry band... it was widely thought a) that tpwd should have work and also b) tpwd should not be in work due to.... health... but it was more than that tpwd was pretty good at telling one person one thing ommitting critical factual stuff one place and telling anotheer something else.... why was it that i seemed to be the only person who could see it ....

it was .... well tpwd could be terribly reliable in some ways and completely in a totally convincing fashion completely inept ... sooo if i had a business the only way i could 'employ' them would have been to create a charity position where they were totally supervised so creating a completely non-position in terms of the efficacy of my business.... which is of itself not necessarily the worst thing to do so enabling the qualities they had ... giving them the space they might actually need .... and not relying on them for anything that is of importance.... you see if i give you completely mishandled information convinced of its veracity on which you need to act and it turns out to be error strewn or the like ... then you know what that's a crisis that needs fixing for me! at least amidst  the bits that function!.... for

tpwd  acted out  the giving of information with complete authority as an art form ... it establishes relationship power heirarchy and the fact that it is incorrect and even might cause damage kill someone etc... similarly tpwd relied on information completely out of relation to it's veracity and usefulness and was apparently incapable of assessing input that was appropriately judged .. tpwd completely relied on the ignorant authority figure ..... to provide well authority.... you see all this is status driven whereas to run something of importance smoothely everyone has to think for themselves on their feet and be alert to the possibility of risk as well as be a good judge of risk....  at the point tpwd departed from that particular community something was not working.... and that was not understood by those who could do something about it... it was as time went on nothing that could be sorted with a kindly hand out or a kindly meal.. that's the glue of middle class manners but it doesn't invest in the BIG G the Gospel demands setting free... and nobody was looking at or for the BIG G... everyone was looking to the bit of GOD that is feel Good factor ...

the one thing that tpwd was available for in 'a ' church was church service where they were deploid until something did not click any more... but more important the one thing that leadership might have been given was Spiritual Awakening creating a Spiritual soldier of Christ...but tpwd wanted more that soul wanted more! and more was not forthcoming!....

 you see i am not quite only being a bit of idealism here... i saw that Spiritual man of Christ once years ago stand up tall a GOD made person... that quickly disappeared again....  it begs for me the question what is church about if it is not recovering that person GOD made to be? that was one thing that apparently person was totally unsuitable for to be nurtured in that direction... tpwd did ask and was given a black and white answer plain NO no imagination there then! when i was eventually told this i felt completely furious!  this was surely an opportunity missed and surely begs the question of what that church is all about cos if it cannot do an honest account of GOD's Success with those planted there by GOD how can it be anything but of the men who run it ie the middle class elite pompous in theri ignorant assessment of their own privelege...  all that happened was the chips came down... and it was all status related and cos it was status related the status folks got lost in their status blind spots on all aspects of status heirarchy being an obstacle .... at a memorial thing the word pride... in the sense of pride got in the way you know that victorian ideal that biblical concept dressed up as a victorian dress.... the problem was all tpwd's... i baulk at this!....tpwd was in some ways completely helpless to the problems that created the world made person who twpd had become all that potential lost.... and not gained except through expedience within church environment... not just one church but church after church....

 what twpd expected what we all expect is church is a team of disciples we are all learning about ... one Jesus and the gang of followers and growers all growing along... growing to be person of GOD GOD made person ... instead we got church as we know it a competition of masculine heirarchies...... all its biteoffs all that IS isn't allowed to be ... without permissions.....  status authority and all that...

i see it again now .... but in the case of pwhja the rescue is the satisfying of earthly worldly concerns... to the exclusion of the REAL BIG G THE POWER OF THE GOSPEL TO SET MAN AND BEAST FREE

and get off women's backs!


AND stop using masculine agreed methods of oppression to divide and rule...

'a peace that is no peace' a peace i detest  GOD WHERE ARE YOU?
GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

oh dear!

just come from one unholy row or what... well that's not fair someone said to me 'forgive me' i thank them for it hugs all round... i had just stormed out to have a fag and found a GOD APPOINTMENT so i returned all smiles like ... a portion of GOD and everything is forgot!... the row escalated from it was all my fault... it's that thing the way we use language denotes prejudice or misunderstanding hey i give generously here... i am of the view that what we say the how we say it denotes what's going on somewhere in ourselves it appears the person i am talking to is offended that i am offended by the way that they use language when they don't mean... it's one of those things .. i mean lets be free here to say that one can be very careful about how one uses language and underneath one is quite a different person.. the art of good manners? the art of deception? charm covers all things? while one is caught up in the linguistic certainties of ones own learning and the way we talk doesn't reflect our true feelings? me i am on the warpath the intellectual one of what i see in terms of what the person does as reflecting a person's position on any aspect of life... it's a crude rule of thumb but hey...  i guess i am sick of people coming across all acceptable and charming and then talking or doing either in front of you or behind your back.... as a christian it is a fine line but searching for GOD's Heart...  in all situations?... as i am having a quiet fag i reflect that i do have prejudices plenty of them and the last place i want to be is complacent and unteachable or unreachable just because everyone does.... the unexpected escalation came about cos i guess i wasn't having it the use of 'those' to seperate out groups of people based on ...???? does GOD see people as groups of people? i asked... i was offended but i was offended from experiencing reactions elsewhere... and so yes i was offended... actually me i has some learning here too! like some big learning... about how to handle the situation in situ of listening to a christian have very different views and 'views' from me without getting all het up...
 i make the point at one point that i can be around difference ... in the church this is so common place for me!....

but i do wonder as i ponder these things ok here it is!

i left you on thursday and attempted to go to a housegroup the housegroup doesn't

hafta come back later

[ecuworrier]

but i do wonder as i ponder these things ok here it is!

hafta come back later

i left you on thursday and attempted to go to a housegroup:  hgleader is absent has communicated to everyone 'cept me seems... leaving a video to watch... for some reason ther is no sound.... and it is one of those vids about... well seems there is a guy talking....  i watch for a bit and decide that there is no point in watching with the sound on!... so once the sound miraculousy appears i am gone!... look i can hardly plead knowldege when there is so much ignorance around but i am looking at the body language of this guy and thinking there's an awful lot of guy in this picture and i can do without....  i am kindov the only gal there and i is there cos i am expecting to pay back person i have borrowed a tenner off of ... they do not show up!... i am feeling a bit well uncomfortable... there are 2 guys and one is going on about a bad week hey... me i say about: sounds like PMT the other guy can sort that one out ... sympathetic or what!....  no i should be more so... this guy theme this last week is getting to me...

another conversation of the week .... i am pissed off by the ongoing blokish domestic inactivity of a guy i decide to raise the issue with a guy... i listen while guy tells me dig is not dig's self as it were .. ok.... that dig lives on dig's own ... that what dig needs is a wife... i challenge that ... thinking quite aghast what!? the attitudes of the average christian man towards women... that sort of level of domestic inactivity to be foisted on some poor hapless woman! like that was the answer to all problems? i tell you christian men are pretty good on the salvation message!

as i say i have been getting into trouble rather a lot this week...  and interestingly i am about to have a moan to somebody when somehow the conversation just is not happening i am just not getting out what 'the problem is' mystery! ... while i am venturing forth am thinking hey you know what!.... i feel i should be trusting GOD more!... i am acting in a panic...

it has felt to be a week of some misunderstandings like everywhere and i have been taking things personally that are not personal all over the place and apparently making things that are personal elsewhere... but here is a perceived example of conversation.... GOD looks after in kinds of ways by offering a GOD thing so i have been humbling through the week!

i have an interesting time generally with my non christian activities....  i feel really got at earlier in the week and singled out .. the only reason that this is so is cos well i have a mental blockage to learning ... being singled out is not necessarily a bad thing it's not as if anyone else except me thinks i am singled out... and the fact i feel hurt is irrelevant ... in christian circles it's a very different ball game all together  the singled out thing cos of all the deference to heirarchy leaves untidy trails of unseemliness... because people are reticent and trained even not to think for themselves they don't know that they are not they half the time don't realise that somehow Jesus is about thinking for yourself! but aligning to GOD that aligning to GOD aligning to GOD makes seperate... but Jesus does so in the Spirit ? has an open relatjionship with GOD the Father ... bit like Moses....  and Moses was a bit different from the rest of the israelites mostly cos.... that relationship of the Living Word with GOD the Father... in spite of the Gospels having pretty much a seige of war between the 'in GOD' and religion ... christianity does the thing of pretending that christian religion is already liberated from the pharisees and the religion that Jesus has lots to say to and about...  when the behaviours are very much the same... pharisees to christianity ...one only has to look frankly like 3rd person vantage point to notice this blatantly obvious point.... that is somehow squashed out of the domain of reason and sight in the present and the past perfectg... we have a lot to lose by not being in church... we are afraid... it is easier to keep the peace that is kept by referal to Paul's letters.... hey this is not an either or... we have whatever we ghave before us whoever GOD puts there... to serve? Paul... or to act out something of GOD? follower of Jesus ie in the basis that GOD the Father Gives as Jesus receives something GOD Given Direct!  in other words to be taught by GOD! 

i have heard it said that the protestant mission if you like centres around a basis of 'read the Bible for yourself' and this hsould amass massive improvements in literacy... trouble is literacy means folks can read all sorts!...; OR even centres around not catholic... like catholic is the plague... this is a perfect example of blindness and disassociation from the planks in one's own eye whilst fishing for splinters elsewhere... the point is not that i am perfect while the problem is over there... the problem is that hey am i on hte right page in the moment? in other words... what is the relationship with Jesus doing in my own life?  the real one the active not listening to what do they say about me asks Jesus one... no the who do you say i am asks Jesus... Jesus asks those who have been closely and actively engaged... look Jesus could have said hey read the Scriptures and then tell me... Jesus could have left things to after the road to Emmaus/... no, Jesus says look those guys over there have read the Scriptures so they know??  Jesus who hangs out with you.... you'll get pletny of folks to say i have read the bible... so read the bible to learn about Jesus... you'll get plenty of folks to tell you hey read Paul and that you will have Jesus at least in effect and some who will argue that Paul is more reliable than the Gospels! but how do we know.... how do we know or want to know Jesus personally ....  does Jesus want to have a relationship with you you personally or me not me....reminicesnt of Jesus calls Peter Luke 5...  that means a whole lot of stuff unexpeected is gonna happen! don't look at me...!!! look at for or to Jesus!

ah yes back to housegroup...  so... am thinking ok so i am not exaqctly in housegroup... so ... i make my way towards...  i am drawn to this.. it's a newsletter... i look at well i don't seem to be getting into any of this till...

"""Write us, come visit, be possessed and controlled by the Spirit, spend your lives on the poor and needy, delight to do His will, and you will get the desires of your heart! """

There you have it! if anything is perfectly designed to put me into a stonking mood it is ....reminder of something.. i can't quite get my head around.... it has me almost explitives thinking about it... i find myself banging tables and the last attention i have is to have an attention for GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11   grrrrrrr

you may recognise the words... it is the final paragraph of the letter written by the Baker's and that is the only bit i seem to read and it stonks me mad!!!!!!!!! it is touching on all my buttons... you see i... well .... LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  it has me spilling out onto the streets looking looking avoiding? looking for... H.E.L.P.


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

listening to some laid back music....  two of the Gospel folk of the jazz genre...

a smooth lazy interlude to what has been a strange and rather awesome day!

church... i wake up just in time to be slightly late for church ... there is a big surprise waiting for me! a new back turns out to be somebody who i might have been expected to have a prejudice towards... but me hey i ride with GOD and i end up in the bizarre situation the Holy Spirit trips off my lips leaving me pondering .... you see i am pleased to see GOD nurture diversity of our fellowship and this really means i am confronted by my issues or prejudices... the experience of the Holy Spirit giving me stuff and me going along with that results in me feeling beautifully surpised hey GOD is in control and this person is clearly a believer AND having had a horrid time... a time of Refreshment and Grace is needed and me i am keen to be a part of this! i go with GOD easy as that! let GOD say or do what GOD WILL i am feeling something of the sense of tears as i speak....   

it's been raining most of the day and some of us had planned an impromptu prayer walk ... well was not looking forward to the big mac experience... so had a word with GOD Who didn't seem to necessarily include mac in plans... in fact there was a definite i didn't take the mac...

i arrive at the meeting place which is indoors so have a sneaky fag on a bench.. we are praying in a rough area of town... and i find myself suddenly confronted and thoroughly intimidated by two very small boys both surely less than ten... they ask me for a cigarette i say no there then unwinds a most peculiar conversation.... that appears endless... no is not the stop  by any means... do you have a spare one... is that your last one.... do you have anymore on you ...can i have one it's not for me the one says... it's for my disabled mother who is at home and can't get out... it's not for me .... eventually i break the monotony of no with embellisjhments with ask someone that you know.... finally child looks over his shoulder and shouts 'sjjhe says no' and the two of them walk off ... i look to where he was calling there were three boys aged about ten who shuffle about... i marvelled at how dead pan the child had spoken and it has to be said showed a clever legalistic mind as well as a completely deadpan ability to lie... interestingly the one statement it's not for me stood out with some emphasis of trutjh... i am pondering stopping smoking then and there in the middle of the conversation.... our prayer walk is really nice we are quite a big group as prayer walks go and i manage to get lost .. it is totally bizarre one minute yes i am following the Holy Spirit and then i am shure i have lost the trail while the others... well i have to go down that road... and so i do and find myself amused as GOD has got me to go down a road which opens a view of the youngsters playing football yes those same ones... the Holy Spirit sure is there!  i go back and found the rest are well pretty vanished ... help! i have the bizarre experience of following likely trail then seeing them and suddenly again they have vanished... i feel a liitle unnerved by the earlier kids... and the environment is well... i can't see anyone and i am not in view of anything like tells me a from b.... i follow GOD who eventually takes me to within view of them! stationary... !

some of them are off to another church for an evening service ... via roundabout and a lift from someone who isn't going i end up there.... i have walked in on preaching which slightly irritates me ... it's a woman which might have pleased me but i am determined i am not going to listen to the talk which as far as talks at that chiurch are concerned turns into one of hte better ones! i hang out want to chat with one of compadres from the walk/// its cool a start praying and some odd praying happens i get a word which /// i ask a question... no they haven't heard of that at that point i am not sure what it is though it sounds familiar... i pray another vein of prayer... there are two people engaging behind me i'm thinking i am wondering if i am getting cross wires... somewhere... what happens is then... i remember what the word means ... the two people have gone ...my comp  prays for me i am completely distracted by the people who have gone...  i say to my compadre i know what that word means and explain... by now i am fully convinced some crosswiring has occured... my comp recognises the context i am placing now that means something... i stare at them ... i never knew that/// it seems so unlikely... but they are familiar!... i have lost the thread they have to go... i hang round finish some tea//// a bible on a table completely distracts me ... it's closed but somehow i want to open and read and so i do... it is NIV i open it ... at the semon on the mount... i read the bit about behaviours and become completely suynced in the beatitudes... i am reading them and just somehow trying to understand them... the passage//// what is going on there Blessed basically i feel it's about giving whole heartedly like everything to GOD do this and you will rejoice... to be praised by men is not exactly up to much in that passage to be well thought of!... i smile at that a little i have just been sharing about my week and getting myself into trouble... or feeling so with authority... at some point i have supped on this word enoguh ,,, i look up and see a Ministry situation going on.... i am drawn in ... it is not my chiurch so i do that visitor thing of staying clear but as it goes on i feel the people involved are inexperienced.... i ask GOD some stuff there is a weird something... well already there has been some weird stuff it feels... as it goes on... well there comes a point where i have silently been well lost of stuff really and it's not clear where things has got to/// i am trying to give to GOD what i should do... it seems clear that the folks praying are out of therii depth and seems they keep being interrupted by folks talking to them completely uninvolved it feels really weird as a sight... anyhows i just goes for it out it comes what it appears Jesus is giving me not very loudly at all... and suddenly....well.... i smile get up and leave though i do remain outside having a fag and just pondering everything... that's all i can say really... have no idea abouyt anything really... and folks stay inside locking the door,,,,,  anyhows that is just about it for today

reading for the day... yes i read various bits... psalm 138

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

mmmm last call on the streets yesterday was... friend i meet sporadically .... last time full of spring this time mis... they are back in the job search market finding it really tough.... Jesus seems to want a look in here... friend is pretty touched by the short open prayer well done JESUS!

but i am forgetting some anecdotes... here's one :

2 men 3 women christians stand together at the end of church...

one of the men is reminiscing about sitting on a train and judging whether to give it up for the woman next to him based on whether she is pregnant-yes overweight no... there is a vague debate about the manners of giving up your seat one person has stopped being so hasty to give up their seat because they now realise they is old.... one of the men has been doing some 'diversity' training to do with work... they are a little surprised to find that men are no longer supposed to open doors for women you know that part and parcel of good breeding we used to have... i pipe up that i am with that... man retorts you'd rather have the door slammed in your face then... wow feisty! me deadpan i say that there are times where that is the prefered option yes... chivalrous well bred christian man wasn't expecting that ! nobody else quite knows what to say..

[ecuworrier]

mellow with the shift in weather systems... more rain but a kind of thundery heaviness... there's not enough sun or enough rain to warrant any sightings immediately well not here.... i love rainbows they are so special and GOD has an Amazing habit of revealing them right at the right moment.... but earlier found conversation about rainbows... with someone who was musing about their time in Ireland the beautiful skies... i was reminiscing too about my brief stay there with all that changeable weather.... turns out the changeable weather makes many rainbows ... i like to think that of Ireland! GOD's country  there are many places which attract that term but i like it in reference to Ireland a place of many rainbows... i refer back to the story of Noah and the sign of the covenant that GOD brings that guy who built a boat in good weather and then was stuck out all at sea with all those animals and the like and suddenly there in the sky... we were musing about how GOD appears and does stuff like that musing about GOD bringing the sun out at opportune moments... i have over the years had at least three occasions at prayer meetings when the sun just shone quite suddenly in the middle of prayer ... one particularly well two at seperate meetings years ago you got your eyes closed and suddenly there is light and a kind of sense of warmth and feeling loved... the sun goes and you're praying again and there it is again! wow! there was one prayer meeting i attended and felt well Blessed! ... we prayed and well of the four or so who were praying it happened time and again for two of us it was humbling precious and Awesome....

have some Amazing and beautiful news.... via.... well... i was wondering how someone was doing well they went someplace that has a reputation for Healing and i was told they have been Healed now! wow!!! i love GOD .. i was especially intrigued cos seems GOD had this place highlighted to go to but i've never been ... but here i am having a conversation with someone who also has never been and wants to go in fact plans are in the offing for them to go... me i am in a rather strange space but gotto get back to GOD on this! is it GOD's plan or was it a journey i made or rather GOD seemed to make with me..

am feeling a bit well desolate today am consciously hungry have had a busy couple of days or so and suddenly got some more business coming up! i am feeling desolate for reasons i don't quite understand i feel under a cloud of oppression....  am i really just tootling... well yesterday the number of poorly people i seem to know escalated dramatically! someone was poorly i was chatting with them encouraging them to visit a doctor... then i said look i can offer to pray for you they were clearly not into that... i got a bit more insight into one of those dramatic states of people's health lives... well it gave me a bit more insight into conditions of complexity... everywhere i am there's ambulances paramedics or folks talking on the phone about medication or just generally looking fed up and poorly ... via a whole lot of detour i found myself walking behind some folks... i take this now as less a reason to get annoyed though i still do but ...you know walking along the street and suddenly you are stuck behind some folks who are completely oblivious to that they are causing you to huff and puff in annoyance ... they just get prayed for.. it's amazing that when you are praying suddenly you have folks invading your body space zone ... i am getting used to this just praying along as i go... prayers non specific sometimes really specific just Blessings and there you have yours now too!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,