man!! i am standing respectfully outside the church building staring at some signs showing fire ... and my lighter refuses to light... i try everything ,,, then i shout man! and it springs to life! i laugh loojking back at the fire image and realising GOD is in the mix... the worldliness of man the god of man lights my lighter fuel and lights my cigarette the same fire that Jesus ... the Fire of Jesus is the FIRE OF LOVE...
earlier i had stood in one of those queues irritated by the length of time everybody seemed to be taking for what surely was 'get and go' questions... me i get to the counter and myself find to be in an unexpectedly long debate about route.... my destination intrigues the counter assistant... who asks if am i going for _? "no" i say surprised thinking why wouldn't i?... and feel prompted to add .. "i am going to a church" i name it cos i like the name... then go on about FIRE and LOVE of GOD and counter assistant says to my utter amazement that we could do with some of that round here... he sounds glum... and me i feel suddenly burdened with responsibility.. 'all that i have i give to you in the Name of Jesus !' i surprise myself with that boldness but it just falls out of my mouth... and off i go to sort out the next phase of the journey...
on the way i encounter my carefully crafted space suddenly invaded by a whole destiny of women seemingly related to one another ... one of them mentions a hospital stay pending... i remove my sunglasses and eventually get the bible out... i'd love to speak but falter... praying and turning to Jesus is the least i can do...
/// next phase of transport i have a lengthy stay in 'my' carefully selected seat ... as in spontaneous decision making: ah i'll sit here!... next to a woman who is periodically coughing and you can smell that pungent unwellness sort of cold/flu thing... my animal instinct wants me to move but me i sit put and pray.... and pray .... and pray.... and pray aggain! ... i am silently reminiscing a journey that i made months ago ... one of those lengthy bus replacement rides where you really are tired and all you want is to be home and: oh this is a good place to sit! ...and it is next to somebody who it turns out has some digestive problem and keeps burping some pretty parky smells... and me i sit still... well there are all too few options... of where else to sit... and i pray..... and pray... and pray.... i go through an enormous number of prayers for that person and others round until eventually i hit on one i would never have thought of in the first place and it all stops! the parky burping that is..... and hey there we are home!.. perfect timing and plan.... and so here i am again? i pray for everything i can think of again.... and there appears to have been no more coughing for a bit..indeed i look and see person next to me fast asleep!
,this narcoleptic effect has been an exciting and interesting phenomenon, particularly of medium distance public transport travelling ... i pray for whatever comes to mind to pray about ...and people fall asleep around me... and not necessarily the ones that i am directly praying for or about!... there's an atmosphere of peace, and me i am wide awake trying to get someplace with this praying milarkey .....
at the church.... i am really not getting on with the worship at all even though by rights i should be! i just am sick to death even at this level of Charisma of Christ.... of talking about GOD when we should be talking to GOD ... the church is way too overflowing to be comfortable i am later than i hoped i would be even though the entire journey was pretty smooth... but i find that i am actually experiencing some of GOD in all this... at one point i get a word from GOD? for someone.... for the very first time i decide to be the honourable visitor and try and get mediation ie find 1) is person from church? 2) find person who is on Ministry team 3) take it from there.... this is taking all too long so i write the WORD on some paper i am scrawling away when suddnely the pen i use has run out of ink....whwhw! i shake it rub it try to scribble... no absolutely zilch i do something that i have done previously in these circumstances and that is to carry on writing that way you retain the imprint... though i am staring at the prospect rather gloomily and sceptically ..... i carry on writing when suddenly the pen springs back into action on a word ... i laugh cos there is something prophetic about this moment ... you heard the word then you did and even though your efforts seemed to be a bit invisible and fruitless you heard the word and carried on .... and suddenly the message is finished and can fill in the rest!,,, i am quite excited about this... GOD is full of all sorts of tricks this evening..... and i miss the spoken talk cos i went out for a fag and found some Ministry going on on my return that i could not keep away from and chatted to somebody with the person being Ministered to!..... then impartation they are doing a Fire tunnel! but what about? i had afterall completely missed the entire talk and had no idea what the impartation was supposed to be focused on....
it's a long journey from the first time i did fire tunnel and elected to walk through with my hand raised Heavenward and i got a picture of Jesus looking thoroughly miserable and i asked why that was and the reply was because of the way that i was treated!.... and i had been deeply moved on another occasion by one person speaking in tongues and like chasing people away from me and like everyone kind of stopped and stood back....
on this occasion i wasn't sure what to do... but certainly something flew off .... and out of the tunnel i found myself propped up against a stack of chairs held there unable to move... i was dwelling on something one of the visitors had said in Ministry ... it was something i had noticed and had hardly dared to think ..... well i was being told something..... i was pretty thirsty it seems from thinking about it... how much to soak in how much to take in .....i had much to ask from GOD to continue the questions i had of GOD i was actually in this space entertaining to ask... and i was kindov getting some answers,,,,,,i had already had some pretty profound experience of being in this place...... a charismtic environmnet used to being charismatic used to stuff like manifestations of the Holy Spirit and being a growing church... one of the things i was carrying yesterday was i have a deadline i have to meet and me i am well not quite making it to well anywhere and GOD had answered my question earlier and i was continuing that journey! a bit of me had wanted to have more of a conversation and be prayed for and somehow it didn't quite happen....
the collection was for the guests and i had on the previous evening asked GOD about it realising that i had been a bit well i had done some radical obedience stuff like emptied my pockets (not a huge amount but meaning there was well nothing left for the home ride)... well GOD did something generous and interesting .... GOD gave me a number and showed it's numerical distribution in hard currency ... i put my hand in my pocket and took out what was that value... but suddenly remembered the exact distribution and had to start all over again and recoujnt... i felt a glow of achievement with that.. pondering well what was the difference and thinking well actually.. aha!
on the way back home i find i am sharing the journey with somebody else from the church service who GOD had got me to stand behind in the queue... it was ridiculous... one person came and called that those who were travelling far should come and push to the front... is that me? oh yes that is me... i could not seem to move anywhere! and then i pushed before a whole 2 people explaining my case and then a group of folks pushed before me .... and now i am sitting in the same compartment as the person who in the fire tunnel queue eventually was immediately in front of me... and in case GOD wanted things to be terribly clear GOD gets me to collide with them.... at the church.... they are totally engrossed in the two centimetres or so before their eyes sitting parallel to me ... me i am thinking oh ... nobody engages here that's the standard i guess.... a moment or so later we are both in the same walkway alone... i venture forth 'have you just come from...' i am likewise recognised and we start to chat... GOD being GOD we have some similar frustrations with church life and the thirst and desire to grow we chat for ages ... at some point i come out as gay that causes a deep anxiety ... but by the end of this part it's hugs all round!
the final phase of journey... GOD is deep in this now.... i really can't find a seat to sit... seems though GOD wants... so i sit there... and pray for a bit... somebody gets off liberating two seats i rush eagerly forward!.... and am now listening to a heart rendering conversation referencing somebody with a serious condition ... somebody sits next to me as i am about to pray.... i pray.. they are completely affected in their spirit!.... the people behind and next to me leave .... i am sitting alone again thinking about 'i want to be taught by GOD' i get out the Bible ... and am kindov faffing about.. then notice there's a case open at my feet... the person in front of me is..... asleep... but their travelling companions rescue the offending object i point out the risks... they are grateful i return to the Bible and quite sudenly i find myself reading ..... i am manifesting in the Holy Spirit and quite noisily.... by the time we get from A to B several are asleep ... and me i am wowed by GOD!
ok thou shalts .... in the Amplified version it's written like this : 'You shall etcetc the Lord Thy GOD.... etc" i am reading Mark 12 and Matthew 22 and Deuteronomy and even chase up exodus .... i love this ... what-? this is a command? then what is a command in GOD's Hands ? it is the prophetic WORD the thing that will happen cos GOD says IT WILL..... signing the fortunes of what will happen cos GOD IS GOD AND GOD IS LOVE!!!
and later Ezekiel (after some priming from various places in the psalms lamentations and .... i am reading Ezekiel from the begining and i can hardly stop reading for a few chapters... and GOD is speaking i am asking and the Holy Spirit is pouring forth and i am manifesting noisily! AMAZING GRACE!
GOD BLESS!
Peace and Love,
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