2012 lent blog

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

GOD and Power no not the power games of man that so obsesses the obsequious obsequious to heirarchies of man.....   and their leaders.... should we not be suspicious of those who seek to please man or those who demand to be pleased....  can we seriously have conversations with the master and yet have conversations with Jesus.... ???   i say like this like this is my dilemma... my dilemma is just that trust issue....  can i trust myself to amidst the crackle of the world and everything actually detect THE FATHER... and can i amidst the world jujst trust that....  the Power not the admiration of transformed Saul BUT thge transformation itself the transformation of jimbo helen whoever you is whoever i is whoever you or i see staring into the mirror...  it's a conversation i find myself wandering into with people who are not proffessed believers....  knuckle down into the ways the valuies of the world is the dominant encouragement of those around and it's not the worldly folks what's saying this but the fantasy structures of the church... that power that Power that cannot be mine cannot be undone does everything it set out to do.... it's a notion that has been captivating me just moving around moving moving...

a little absence from my normal fellowhip routine that is increasingly hard to swallow to be around .... do we seriously have to be around folks we vehemently disagree with and can see::::

a reading a couple of days ago had me staring at:   

16Seek out of the book of the Lord and read: not one of these [details of prophecy] shall fail, none shall want and lack her mate [in fulfillment]. For the mouth [of the Lord] has commanded, and His Spirit has gathered them.

    17And He has cast the lot for them, and His hand has portioned [Edom] to [the wild beasts] by measuring line. They shall possess it forever; from generation to generation they shall dwell in it.

of course you recognise it Isaiah 34 the end of a chapter that has begun.. but hey all those animals get a mention so ...1COME NEAR, you nations, to hear; and hearken, you peoples! Let the earth hear, and all that is in it; the world, and all things that come forth from it.

    2For the Lord is indignant against all nations, and His wrath is against all their host. He has utterly doomed them, He has given them over to slaughter.

    3Their slain also shall be cast out, and the stench of their dead bodies shall rise, and the mountains shall flow with their blood.

    4All the host of the heavens shall be dissolved and crumble away, and the skies shall be rolled together like a scroll; and all their host [the stars and the planets] shall drop like a faded leaf from the vine, and like a withered fig from the fig tree.

    5Because My sword has been bathed and equipped in heaven, behold, it shall come down upon Edom [the descendants of Esau], upon the people whom I have doomed for judgment.

    6The sword of the Lord is filled with blood [of sacrifices], it is gorged and greased with fatness--with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams. For the Lord has a sacrifice in Bozrah [capital of Edom] and a great slaughter in the land of Edom.

    7And the wild oxen shall fall with them, and the [young] bullocks with the [old and mighty] bulls; and their land shall be drunk and soaked with blood, and their dust made rich with fatness.

    8For the Lord has a day of vengeance, a year of recompense, for the cause of Zion.

    9And the streams [of Edom] will be turned into pitch and its dust into brimstone, and its land will become burning pitch.

    10[The burning of Edom] shall not be quenched night or day; its smoke shall go up forever. From generation to generation it shall lie waste; none shall pass through it forever and ever.

    11But the pelican and the porcupine will possess it; the owl and the bittern and the raven will dwell in it. And He will stretch over it [Edom] the measuring line of confusion and the plummet stones of chaos [over its nobles].

    12They shall call its nobles to proclaim the kingdom, but nothing shall be there, and all its princes shall be no more.

    13And thorns shall come up in its palaces and strongholds, nettles and brambles in its fortresses; and it shall be a habitation for jackals, an abode for ostriches.

    14And the wild beasts of the desert will meet here with howling creatures [wolves and hyenas] and the [shaggy] wild goat will call to his fellow; the night monster will settle there and find a place of rest.

    15There shall the arrow snake make her nest and lay her eggs and hatch them and gather her young under her shade; there shall the kites be gathered [also to breed] every one with its mate.

i feel challenged by that passage ....  that's the one i read in NIV it is somehow differently written...

16 Look in the scroll of the LORD and read:

   None of these will be missing,
   not one will lack her mate.
For it is his mouth that has given the order,
   and his Spirit will gather them together.

i feel uneasy about... the what GOD is trying to achieve and the what the humans seem to want .... revenge? redemption? setting free? justification? it's hard work being with christians.. they are so sure of stuff... why is it so hard to be sure about GOD on their terms? that ... ok that's not what it says but that's what was gaping at me read the word it is true...  it will come to pass cos nothing i say won't ....  do we want to hear that stuff for ourselves... i dislike reading that stuff... you know the yodels of christian theologians as they talk and write notes in the bibles themselves about prophesies that have come true... whatever that means.... i mean you know what it says it here so it must be true... or it says here so let's do....  ok what is GOD trying to say that perhaps i am avoiding while the truth is the smell of men's bogs just doesn't do it for me... so i need to feel a bit .... well  imagine my surprise.... when following the line of Scripture to.... Matthew 16 ...  Matthew 16! whwh!... there i was with an image trying to share.. i didn't know where the passage was so i asked the person who quoted... and i thought oh... well oh we looked and GOD gave me the chapter for that passage... so imagine my surprise some days later whjen there i am staring at Matthew 16 unable to remember what it was... and yet here it is complete with references hey i ....   now do i look stoopid....  stoopid cos i didna know which bit of the bible it was in and then didna know that it comes up twice in slightly different meanings so i tell you how stoopid is that... how stoopid that i amnot clyued up in technology to check! or no how stoopid i didna know... and this makes sense this makes a whole lot of sense.... if i look stoopid who cares ... if i just get to where GOD is getting through to....   

 i've got to tell them what the reference is now the one that for me it was as it is without conferring.... 

it's been a bit of a contemplative theme recently wrong choices... you know the choices that are made that have consequences... ohlet me start6 you with the saving the penguins game ... leading them to safety ... is a vain hope ... especially as i have just attempted to locate a proper synopsis.. apprently there are plenty of games where penguins become the protagonists and there are loads of ways of achieving what the game did .... you are supposed to be rescuing leading them to safety ... by your skill at understanding and negotiatinjg risk and hazard successfully and skillfully... well me and the penguins ... i found it a sword to the heart ... all my efforts to save the penguins resulted in total destruction of all of them... imagine that the more you practise the more you kill... oh and there you are being the great saviour not only you but that is the presumption of the game surely? so the educational aspect gives you the skills to do what.. i mean it's hardly unviolent watching penguins die?.... and all cos you chose to play the game ... i mean they are safe enough if you just leave them in the wrapper hjuh?...  the tragic thing with it all is the realisation that it is real this is real this is happening and if we know how can we refuse to do something that will help? what will help ask GOD of course.. trouble is so many of us don't really know what GOD says we rely on eachother so... for... grace comfort wisdom..

wrong choices choices you attempt to gain or benefit or even benefit others... and it don't pan out.... how far will yhou go?

are there ever wrong choices?  can we go back ? but if time only goes forwards then perhaps we need to well make right choices... is there such a thing as a righteous choice without reference to what GOD says? or is GOD really confined to what GOD sayus onceuponatime to someone or other for all time?.... chronos ? kairo i suspect time has more splitting of hairs than we know about... Dynamosh comes complete with kairo... once and for all time... but what about me i ask well shouldn't you be asking i mean truthvfully like very asking!!!!!!!!!!some may say...  don't let 'them' stop you from entertaining the questions that are on your heart!

book, scroll what is the difference?...  later i find myself

running out of time p[erhpas?


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

oh dear....  here again boozy breath from the pub... oh dear cos was going to a prayer meeting wasn't i? oh dear... am i that antipathetic towards religion that i am viewing folks i love ... just not making it out of the door... spending time instead with some lovely and genuine non christians in the pub instead... a bunch of very different characters that brings us right round the same table sharing swapping stories so uncomplicated! sharing the same journey for a while.... a moment's panic someone ... i see someone ... i saw them for sure at that venue time gone by quite recently! as it happens never seen them there before.... then all turns bad ... coincidence? relax GOD is in control but the welling of anxiety! the second person of the day both from a long time ago charm and mallevolence all wrapped up in the same rain coat... unconnected to eachother...one wonders sometimes .... how unconnected a time frame .... anyhow the person in the pub has either left the pub or they have turned into someone vaguely similar but similar enough to  not be them for sure so i can go back... er in what sort of a state? what if they are still there?... if they are then they are... it's these moments and there have been lots of them people reappearing unexpectedly.. a past that is complex and brings up stuff .. what can i say ? it's those imponderables... give it to Jesus let Jesus be Jesus!

last week i was late oops late it worked out perfectly but i had to embrace a telling off late... i had an excuse... i had been time watching knowing that in order to arrive at such a such a time i had to set out no later than.... so when i was rushing through what i was supposed to be doing and finished and the door opened and in came mog... and we chatted ... and mog said 'can we go treasure hunting?' what now? i explained that i was keeping an eye on the clock and it apparently made no difference we were treasure hunting are you joking? no ik knew the moment i mouthed protests that GOD Knew we were going treasure hunting... something mog had never done before but i had been out a couple of times of late having been out only a few times previously... the time befgore last was a grand occasion i was asked to go out with someone.. we had been out previous... it was a particularly grand occasion cos completely out of context somebody had given me a WORD about Treasurehunting... and i laughed cos me and this person had already spoken about ghoing treasurehunting this very week.... still the last time we had been out had been a bit well the same three had been out previously it was amazing..then  the second time we went out together was a totally different experience.... and the other two had ghone off rather disappointedly and me it had to be all my fault sat miserably determined not to let things end there... ok GOD -we have been spectacularly unsuccessful in locating anyone on our lists at least who wants to stop for prayer.. (not that that stops us praying of course..) -  i will sit here and will you bring me someone so i can pray for them Bless them? bring someone to speak tooo me .. so i sat and sat and sat and sat and then.... a very scarey person with darkest of dark sun glasses for the gloomiest of evenings walks by shopping laden and mutters something unnecessary about the weather walks past and suddenly stops and finds a fag to light... on the odds of something like this happening nil to one ... the person is way too close to me to be lighting a fag.. so i leap up explaining that i'm a christian and that i have just had this conversation with GOD.... no they do not run a mile from a mad person ... they are an unchurched christian with something that i can pray about and so i do... utterly amazed.. and humbled by our lovely GOD who is listening as we try to step out in faith.. so i had asensible endpoint to our treasurehunbting outting but the others did not... so when one of them wanted to go again ... i was humbled and available and .... well we didn't go when we said we would but we chose another day.... and it was amazing and beatuifl! with stories flowing forth and many folks having been prayed for ... and my companion crying as they prayed right there in public!

so when mog and me sat down to draw up our treasure lists it was GOD WHO SAID SO! and SO IT WAS!... even though i was meant to be someplace... ok the treasure hunting is easy...yo

gottago


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

so when mog and me sat down to draw up our treasure lists it was GOD WHO SAID SO! and SO IT WAS!... even though i was meant to be someplace... ok the treasure hunting is easy...yo

so... the first time i did treasure hunting .. i'd missed the talk spiel and a guy had said he had done it before so i hurriedly attached to his group.... we pray ... we write a list: location/ name / appearance / condition to be prayed for / something unusual... we pray asking the Holy Spirit to come and furnish us with the details.... everyone in the group has their own sheet....  so when everyone is finished... the first confusion was.... why is everyone's different... are we seriously looking for serena with a red beard? whose prayer needs are job as a tank driver hip replacement and something about turtle soup ....? (details made up but you get the picture!) and the location is well a tree!  .... er oh! ........and then everyone seems to have a different location and there are turns out 7 of us! there is no overlap except perhaps pink and red? and then we only have an hour where do we go first... turns out our leader hasn't quite done what i believed he had.... well there are three who know eachother and seem in a rhythm of calm so guess what... we follow the gang and get to ... nowhere in an hour though we seem to have meandered just about everywhere and asked precisely 3 people none of whom fitted anything ..what is the plot!?    then makes things worse... we pass other groups praying and oh wow!!! you can see the Holy Spirit!   so i did that thing in despair ... yes i managed to pray for some folks.... (breaking off from the group i find someone who has already been prayed for about 3 times by others and i am glad and it shows! so i pray some more and return) and then i say to GOD can you bring someone to us ? and lo and behold only one person approaches us... all the way back .. they are one of the christians and no they do not want to be prayed for (WWWHHHATTT!!!???) not even by their friends????  we get back and lo and behold excitement has broken out.... other groups have excited stories to tell!!!  well that was the first time though i am determined that GOD is real... and i have been living in a study of how christians think interact and do the er interpretation of signs,,,,,,,  and aaaaargggghhhhhhhhhhh! and nobody has anything the gang of three are just as calm as they were before we went out ... and i am sooooo disappointed!!!!.... when disappointed talk to GOD!

it is a bit startling when one discovers that the lists are a combined pallett and that the team works together so aspects can combine across the board across people's lists .... in fact on a recent expedition the treasure hunt did not end there when team of two split and went our ways... on the way home i found i was following someone we had seen earlier and ignored but GOD was determined i speak to them so i did... and ... wow!.... GOD APPOINTMENT OR WHAT!....  even though they were in a hurry and had a bus to catch they could not stop talking to me!.... then over the next weeks the names we had not located came for prayer to the other street stuff... i mean this was not totally obvious that they would have done... i was amazed i tell you utterly AMAZED!!!!!

in fact .. asking GOD to reveal stuff about who needs prayer... well....  recently was doing some street stuff with folks and it was going rather slow... ie nobody was stopping .. sometimes there is a steady stream!  or even a trickle will do!... i peeled off for a contemplative fag and just prayed where i was then i said to GOD to give me an indicator and was given one so i sat and looked out and saw someone with something that matched but did not quite get up to approach them but had finished my fag and was returning and found myself passing them so i prayed as i passed them ... then find myself with somebody right behind me who is breahting really heavily i turn round to see someone with breathing difficulties i kindov pray for them i'm in a sort of revery and stroll towards where our chair was set ... they have just packed up and left like that!.... as i am standing a little surprised ok i was just an optional extra sure but we are talking 5 minutes or so!...  as i am caught in raised eyebrows who should appear has stopped right there in exactly the place the others were set up is completely bathed in the Holy Spirit and is searchingly standing and reading a notice nearby but the person with breathing difficulties i am gobsmacked! (GODSMACKED) i step forward and offer prayer.. i have the distinct feeling the person does not know why they is standing there ... but i do!  unfortunately the others and the officialdom of their set up are gone but the Holy Spirit remains and the person does not know why they are there... but i do and as i speak to them explaining ... they leave bewildered and hurried.... and i scamper off to catch up with the others with a 'guess what!' you see no prayer is wasted! and GOD cues you in one way or another...


so for times sake mog and me abandon the location and concentrate on the rest we draw up our lists and off we go... no sooner are we out the door when i recognise somebody who is just passing with a pronounced limp that they do not normally have but i have recently spotted them with... it's kindov one of my prayer needs on the list... remembering my conversations previous about religion and christianity it's not something they subtend to but amazingly though they do not stop for us they are up for us praying for their recovery!... in the street outside one of my indicators seems to be everywhere though i was sceptical anyone would be wearing.. in this weather... but the image i had was quite specific even so one person in particular stands out but they are clearly in a hurry and somehow we don't stop them and somehow they seem to be the right  person to have engaged with .... further on we are passing a homeless person with dog.... there is something about the dog that stops me in my tracks and i scour the person who is homeless for any resemblanmce to any indicators nul and void...  but there was something about the dog and so i engage with them... turns out the dog who looks healthy enough is poorly enough to be scheduled for a vet visit... so i gladly pray for the dog who clearly likes this sort of thing... they usually do! the person is delighted and even more so after they too have been prayed for.... thething about treasure hunting is this ... in the experience GOD knows exactly who is supposed to be prayed for....that's the point but where are they? .... it is true that not everybody wants to be prayed for but it's astonishing how many folks are thoroughly approachable this is even when you are approaching only on the basis of indicator somebody who normally would appear to be somebody to avoid... but GOD sees somehow differently to the paltry human eyes of the world full of fear and value judgements or add it to christian teachings and the inevitable if you really don't extract yourself from the prejudices and predispositions trapped in time of your very own er teachers of the law in residence all trapped and waiting to be set free but by whom more teachers of the law? 

also sometimes you are engaged and somehow a folks or two just cannot keep away!  got to squeeze by ... oh yes? drawing themselves to your attention when you is well and truely on a mission... we do nothing but bring BLESSING sharing the Knowledge of GOD's LOVE and Beneficience (is that a word?) ... and so on it was mog's first time and mog was pretty much taking to it as a duck to water.... not overly fussed with the oddness of a list that was a very loose list that covered both our sheets patient to let me step outside of it like with the dog (thought tbh we did not ask the person theri name) and to well approach the people we feel led to...

in the course of this 'reply' i needed a break and off i went... finding a new computer i sat down and just prayed that prayer that leaves one breahtless as the Holy Spirit somehow well just is... making one breathe really deeply...  there were folks either side of me and somehow one was touched and affected they've both gone now ... and as  i say GOD never does nothing no prayer is wasted and GOD is Beautiful!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

a languid pause between everything listening to music....  surely i should be here surely i should be there.. i am sorely jdisttractedd i've been somewhere for several hours struggling with the mysteries of technology not working very well.. even by thge standards of old technology...  not working well being the only machines for use cultivates in one a rare obsequiousness lament melts away in the distance and one langours between irritated explatives.... but one persists and whiles the ways away staring waiting anticipating.. time is money all the other things one could be doing surely i mean seriously!!1... i would have caught the bus but GOD wanted me to walk so i walked slumbering through under cover of dark glasses -well there was a little sun- entertaining myself as i went... i was there in no time hardly noticing anyone or even GOD who must have been somewhere... it's only as one ponders back does GOD sometimes stand back loving GOD's loved ones pottering around in nowhere in particular place or dramatically engaged and purposeful? or just get thoroughly ratty and irritable tearing hair out in frustration or maybe just stares at the screen patiently waiting for something anything to happen...  free will and automatons... i tell you i feel a little embarrassed though i thoroughly enjoyed myself in my preoccupations and parambulations you see i am trying hard to get to the bottom of something to open doors to something GOD likes... i asked unmischievously and conscious of the general bad press or anxiety in the christian world and yet there are participants who are christian unmistakeably so.. it's one of those things though you ask GOD and GOD somehow answers in a way that is so unmistakeable one wonders why there are so many dilemmas is it just because there are some christians there? or that i was in fact watching to christians when i asked... there are afterall many things i am wary of cos well they are spiritually something else and i can tell or is it purely sometimes just our anxiety doing the talking...? or is it ... let christians have a genuine passion both for Jesus and these other stuff and GOD just loves to see this mix?... i know many who believe the latter... me boringly it's all about the absolute of listening to GOD and responding regardless well that's the theory....  and when i say that i actually spend a lot of time endeavouring to hear GOD that is true but is it not also true that i spend on average of the day most of the time ignoring that ALMIGHTY option i do have ie to engage with GOD... this has been the case again and again... you see i am learning something ...what it is i am learning is to ask in the full knowledge GOD has the best solutions... i have struggled cos i have ended up on a course of action that is a long time long term passion for somebody who has learning complexities and an apparently dogmatic desire not to be taught! which i keep forgetting... i was reminded of this recently...

i was somewhere watching someone who i then approached to talk about what they were doing.... i asked with a sense of anxiety despair if they had a teacher... there response sheered me to my very sore point ... they did not want to be taught to any hows but they did refer me to what for them was inspiration.... i'd never heard of ... so i had to check this out and stuff made a whole lot of sense as far as my view of them was concerned.... there was me desperate to have a teacher to advance past a place of still waiting as it were  and clutching at straws... miserably and desperately....

later pondering this at home it was so obvious i just knew... i already had a teacher the very best teacher in the whole wide world and there was i completely feeling inadequate almost unteachable even though the real learning comes with what you do yourself and me i had GOD i looked up at GOD somewhat sheepishly... i really was a poor unteachable student distracted easily completely lacking in method of any sort and just being miserable all the things GOD knew how to teach me were being ignored by sore determination to do things my way like that was how stuff er functioned... i am slowly coming home to myself... and that's where GOD recently said to me .... what me being me? oh dear? no me being me of course how clever GOD is ... at working with exactly what GOD has made! but it helps if we allow GOD to do that! what is more i kind of like things that way!

so when i appear to have walked for who knows how long in no time at all and i arrive at my approxiamate destination still clad in dark glasses... and out of the corner of my eye i spot a figure and oh no.... the everywhere person of the past that had been absent for years and now in recent sightings .... and am thinking oh no help... and it turns out to be someone who i do recognise who starts when they pass me fully absorbed in myself but we exchange hellos... was this the moment waited for the moment where it requires that walk that length of time to get the timing perfect? timing is a fabulously interesting concept and now i am... out of time

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

remember GOD LOVES you!

[ecuworrier]

only a coupla minutes... so today er um.... i decide i need to make a comment so i ask if i can have a word.... you see it's abhout last night as well as previous... and well what happened was .. will tell the story later but the bit that i thought there is a much better point which is not about me... why does every point i have to make that is about a broader issue have to be made an issue about me... i say i am being treated like a second class citizen.....   you see for me the question is this how is it that me i arrive at a housegroup and find the doors unopened by now you will be saying that's GOD and of course it was and that's what i felt at the time but i was still feeling outraged and recognising the situation as well.....

this housegroup is in a poorer area of town with quite a reputation and there is me standing in the porch of a block of flats ringing the bell to no avail.... i am staring at an odd formation of broken bricks that could well be a perfect sculpture for the area.... but it is an odd one right there in the middle of the path.... and i feel uneasy i mean why would they be there... what if i was vulnerable by everyone's standards?

gottago

[ecuworrier]

this housegroup is in a poorer area of town with quite a reputation and there is me standing in the porch of a block of flats ringing the bell to no avail.... i am staring at an odd formation of broken bricks that could well be a perfect sculpture for the area.... but it is an odd one right there in the middle of the path.... and i feel uneasy i mean why would they be there... what if i was vulnerable by everyone's standards?

gottago

so i raise the issue and find myself in a brawl over my time keeping AND THEN we are going over the same ground again .... that i should not pray for.... why ? we are in the same spot but i am calmer and yes indeed it would be more helpful if the folks concerned actually talked to me direct...  andsomething weird happens yes i spot a something and tell it to go in the Name of Jesus out loud ... something has been happening over time... the conversation ends with us professing our liking and sibling love for eachother and a weird thing happens i find myself listened to for the rest of the day!... i find myself feeling thinking oh!? there's nothing worse than talking cos you have to and saying stuff again and again and screeching with the frustration of that feeling of not being listened to!  like as a default position? ....and that becoming a pattern of behaviour that embeds itself... so you speak out and you continously don't feel believed of listed to...   during my 'sabbatical' i found myself in deep hot water afterwards but GOD knew precisely what GOD was up to! you see i heard a voice  'help me' i looked up and in that moment through the small crowd came somebody directly up to me asking me how i was.... it was odd... but i asked them how they were and Ministry situation errupted... i got some Ministry too and part of that  was about me not being heard.. like speaking the right stuff and it not being somehow getting through... i was amazed i had not expected that! oh and afterwards i got a right rollicking afterall i was just a visitor... well not exactly i was there cos GOd told me to... still i got a rollicking which left me frustrated... you see it was not cos of the quality of my Ministry there was an experienced Ministry person standing there (which is how i got found out) just the impertenance of .... well when it was explained in more detail i could see that visitors can sometimes just be seen as visitors with all the complexity of unknowns and all that that goes with it... remembering i have to say i did love a lot of that church! and the bizarre experience of folks giving Ministry which was encouraging me ! apparently in the areas where i had been well and truely ticked off !

so where was i? ohj i have really been enjoying telling this one! so there i am not let in and feeling vulnerable but i look to GOD GOD tells me to ring the bell one more time on i do for the severalth time and then GOD leads me up the path (garden path)....   and back the way i have come  i notice some youngsters apparently revving up for a rowdy night out... i pray... something stills in them... someone coming towards me ... i notice them by the bizarre fact it's like they are suddenly making a rapid be-line towards me  there is something Spiritual going on... i can tell so much so that they have to physically adjust their path  to avoid direct collision with me as they weirdly slope by i pray for them ... i see an ambulance and pray for that too and suddenly it's all forgot the indignity of being shut out in the cold!... there is a hospital not too far away and there i go and sit and pray...

 i have an added incentive as i have recently been told about somebody being admitted so i certainly feel the need to pray for them even though i have never properly met them.... ironically it is only recently that GOD brought me into a place where we talked about them and i find myself conscious of a barrier of sorts a sort of for want of a better word 'judgement'... and i feel somewhat ashamed ... to not be someone who is connected sufficiently to visit them!

this it seems is a general condition ... i sit and stare and pray and watch ambulances hither and to and fro... and at some point i feel ... a bus is coming ... i am hungry a bit cold  tired and.... GOD starts to talk to me ... i stop GOD seems to want me to go to the entrance of the building... surely this late the building is closed! apparently not ... as.... oh and the bus pulls away.... i don't quite make it to the entrance but see two people go in and well i pray but surely that's where i should be physically.... but i am completely rooted to the spot!....  attempting to talk to GOD whilst still feeling i should be allowed to have got that bus!... there is a significant wait for the next one ... GOD seems to draw me down a side street so ....  a little bemused i go... find myself drawn to a person so strongly that i am sure that perhaps am i meant actually to speak to them!? instead i acknowledge them and pray and carry on... i allow my attention to just go where it is  and then i see someone looking into a shop window that makes me think ... how odd!... i look at the shop and feel sympathetically something like connection....  shop and person... i vaguely pray...  i spot a fast food outlet that's open and stand in the doorway pondering fastfood A or fastfood B i sense somebody behind me they walk around me and i hear 'hi'... i look they the person outside the shop is speaking to me... and i'm thinking confusion... they recognise me i don't recognise them they tell me where we have met oh wow confused that's ages ago? not that long ago some bells are ringing i am feeling embarrassed at not entirely placing them they are a christian from a church i have not visited for quite some time...  then i start to tell them about that i had just noticed them... and boldly ask if there is a connection between shop and person..... there is a  connection important Ministry.. i am a little flummoxed this christian is not doing the usual thing ie step 1) see me and avoid (though sometimes folks really don't see) step 2) ask person how they are and don't wait for answer.... and yet they are still there... well me i am like boldest tof the bold ... i am uncomfortable in the cold hungry i ask them if they want coffee.... they say no but come in with me there's a couple of chairs we can sit i order coffee..... after a while we are shouted at 'no coffee'.... that is ridiculous! i want coffee GOD wants tea? ok GOD wants tea... i say... we are sitting chatting bible is coming out and we are in effect having a housegroup... which various folks came in and walked through... but housegroup it was and the weird and bizarre  thing is here is i mean IS 2 charismatics sharing experience notes and even theology and me am just sharing my stuff and somehow ... well there is me demanding to GOd that my companion is not in anyway led astray cos well.... i do think differently but somehow ... it is a very special time! and what a GOD APPOINTMENT!... we walk a bit of the way ... i tell you i am now sipping my tea.. i could not somehow manage to get the cover off in the fastfood place!...  but now it comes off and what is more the tea is a good temperature! .....i am telling them about treasure hunting explaining that i once asked to go to a group at their church and it never quite materialised and am telling about the tiny group of 3 at my church and a face appears quite suddenly round the corner ... and it's mog!... an incident has delayed his lift and he decided to walk how was housegroup? what did you do? did i draw the short straw no GOD BLESSED me! and gave an amazing adventure!  how BLESSED DO I FEEL the now 3 of us exchange Ministry and we all end up manifesting in the Holy Spirit!.... and i get a word a word that matters and find i give a word a word that matters..  mog and me wander homeward

man cannot live on bread alone... this was the opening line of discussion about the controlled referencing that goes on in church ...

1THEN JESUS, full of and controlled by the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led in [by] the [Holy] Spirit
    2For (during) forty days in the wilderness (desert), where He was tempted ([a]tried, tested exceedingly) by the devil. And He ate nothing during those days, and when they were completed, He was hungry.
    3Then the devil said to Him, If You are the Son of God, order this stone to turn into a loaf [of bread].

    4And Jesus replied to him, It is written, Man shall not live and be sustained by (on) bread alone but by every word and expression of God.

Deuteronomy 8:3
He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

i am moved by these words!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

ooops and many good intentions and ... unnable to meove from pub and then just not able to well buzzing about like nobodie's flies...

and upset for somebody's sad news...

someday#'s like seems like... GOD'xs day somehow without being terribly obvious.. only like when in the pub i give up my seat to make things easier all round for somebody + friends trying to forage some space and a table i blurt out ' GOD LOVES YOU!' as my small action makes everything seem quite suddenly well helpful but it is the expression on the guy's face he just looks at me like it means something? like wanting more and me hey have i got anything? i carry on my amnoevres... oh it is GOD's time like BIG TIME! alright... pub again? we the pupils have an effort to put on a show that like shows us and them that we have learned something when part of the show is that we are learning about being in a show and that is something that only being in a show can bring practice and learning... it puts pressure on us ... and it is interesting that suddenly our efforts that meander along to get to pass 'go' can be absolutely marvellous suddenly shrivel and shrink to a bag of pipe nerves and everything that can go awry suddenly looms large and what if's or the whole thing about personality and presentation to .... friends and are there any strangers? i am very nervous so nervous that teacher asks old hand any suggestions teacher is taken back by 'just love everyone' as the hot tip ... teacher waits for more ... there is nothing to be said ....  but i think it's a really good one cos me and people they is well out there somewhere and actually they keep flashing into my attention span and then i have to .... love is a really good antidote... me an lovin.. it sure is not natural and yet it is the breath of life and most of the stuff in the way has been put there cos....it's just not natural izzit... no the stuff in the way i mean ... you see why one should be completeely distrusting ovf people and completely loving of .... pure JESUS!

i have been praying this week a crescendo of prayer that when i finally said those words out loud to someone and then said them to GOD... i am praying that this particular seriously ill person can recover can actually be out of hospital and attending something that's important to dear family member! i say this explaining that we are not actually praying for a christian or even somebody well you know these things on a scale to ten ...  and so i continue praying .. on the day their day the day of dear family member something happens...  dear family member is not there ... what?  but turns up unusually late.... cos they have been to the hospital to pick up person.... who will be along later.....    what!!!!?????? i have to ask .... was dear family member expecting this?....  not at all... !! i can contain myself no longer ... i blurt out about prayer and GOD listening and stuff! when person arrives one is moved by their condition and it's liek something of GOD has walked in with them and i am completely grinning.... they kindov thankfully don't stay too long but ... i feel very moved and very humble...

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

er have just exceded my 'hour' and apparently lost my entire writing! that was originally meant to be 30 minutes of effort ... but.....


Never mind GOD is in control....  i am sort of used to this

please pray for a seriously ill person's full recovery and that whatever i am actually supposed to be doing there i actually do do GOD has told me to speak to them i have been dragging my feet i'm afraid...

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

and Jesus Loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ecuworrier]

haha..

i said to GOD this morning about -well i talked at GOD actually-... you see on Sunday we had someone come to talk at our church continuing what GOD seems to have been doing of late... they emphasise the openness for opportunities to serve GOD ... this time there was a mad rush to the front... and me i was grinning just to see that!...

seems it is indeed continuing cos just been from a chat with a christian i sporadically see and chat with ... there are many things we don't have in common but always wave and today stop to chat discussing the pros and cons of the sunny disposition of the weather... followed by ..oh no i have not got a lighter with me... so i have to ask someone who at first i thought was a rather odd bloke turns out to be an interesting woman... grumbling about something to do with ... 'the best things in life are free!' i say... she begins with the air/// a good one i feel: all that oxygen for our combustion engines... and then asks me ... what is for free? ... now i wasn't expecting this but find GOD's Love irresistable and say i'm a christian....  and then go on to complain about that anything costs anything when GOD provides everything we need and everything belongs to GOD ... it's obvious isn't it ....  and discover that my now one companion - third person has fleed not because of the christian referencebit but the radical discussion about GOD's Ownership and man's sequesteration for his own gain....!  i am talking to somebody who is no stranger to christianity indeed seems jesuit gets a reference.... and so does memories of p-priest of the past.... ugh but we are able to agree that is not Jesus! and i give it all over for GOD to deal with.... when they were small they asked GOD to give a sign....  so what happened next ?  i ask ... with great anticipation... nothing... oh, i feel a little disappointed at this it has to be said and offer that one up to GOD again!.... they are more recently a buddhist... but then espouse the values of love thy neighbour as thyself.... which i point out laughing... interesting as they walk away it is them that offers 'GOD BLESS!' how Praise the Lord is that!?

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love, 

[ecuworrier]

so back to ..... unusual and unexpected GOD appointments?  after Sunday...


....well actually the real GOD appointments are the one before you... starting with what's around you in church? and it is me that sees what? i go with what i see: encouraging one person and then finding ... i saw and then i saw and that is just what they are experiencing and... wow! i did saw then! and find myself volunteering for later .....  i walk chatting away a very long story to one person and then carry on walking falling off a pavement in the process... and apparently hurting my foot... initial panic ... turn to prayer and oh GOD is deffo doijng something!..
...and so i walk on... in my own vagueness of space well hid behind some sunglasses and an unlikely heavy garment well it is going to be a long day....
 

... in my own world i suddenly clap the air... oh no i am right behind two people walking before me one turns around with a lack of perturbment that hardly matches my embarrassment... i mean ... ok this was an involuntary action ... GOD  what am i supposed to do now... in my alacrity i walk by them and am surprised to hear one of them talking about the bible.. i turn around and ask if they are coming from church... surprisingly not... one of them is doing a degree with a theology component and they are completely not liking reading the bible...

 i am self conscious to be muscling in .. and come up with a value to reading the bible simply cos it informs the culture of our society in its history and values somehow...  the OT has one system the Gospels are well something else and the epistles inform church culture...  they seem underwhelmed me i want the Holy Spirit to do the rest and wish them well in breakthrough for their frustration... so that is non christian #1 talking to non christian #2... and this rings a bell/// you see..

last week somebody showed a video they liked ... me already i was making for the exit... but accepted the special invite to actually sit down...: a guy in america was talking about church... he began with stats about actual church attendance and then..., i like this.. somebody had talked about... well the afterchurch satisfaction of christians.... somebody had the inspired guess to talk to somebody in a cafe where christains aggregated en masse after church... they said ... tell me what you think of christians to a waitress and got an earful for their trouble...: they are the worst tippers ... they this they that....   

ok so what does one do in response to that then?... as you may well hear that's surely the onset of a bit of christian persecution?  you know the stuff you hear about all the time? or actually listening and doing what with it... i mean if the person was not worthy of being paid attention to in the first place cos of they just ain't a christian  then why bother now i mean it's obvious innit they are second class cos they work on sunday?  is this all about pr? the video talker by being open to hey the stats speak for themselves (the good folks of the world spend their sunday mornings) ... found there were many other examples of christian culture proving the barrier to evangelism by not acknowledging the going on and the going hard into the journey dirty hands patience  loving  the neighbour ( as they need love as you would in their shoes) and so on... above all by not loving! there was a bunch of stuff that i liked and a bunch of stuff that well... the bit about ok like christian folks working out what they thought they should encourage to do instead ... the activity of being a christian not the ideal but getting the good folks to obey the leader relies on the leader heard right ... but hey it was still a good points talk that i ain't heard in a while...   

oh yes what do the good folks of the world think of the church... later i try to ask a churchgoing homeless person ... churchgoing cos that's where they find sustenance ... i get a response about architecure that i can't quite assimilate... you see there we are sitting...... person is there out of hunger despair and loneliness and the talk is .. i smile as i see the exchange of glances between two folks as the talk is the cue to bury face in newspaper .. you see i am a little tired of listening to church folks self congratulating about 'the talk' and it clearly being pretty insignificant and meaningless for the folks there.... this talk started ok actually... well nearly... a reference to jonah in distress crying out to GOD and GOD turning up.... but ended in such turgid undigestable familiarity of the religious view of the cross.... how on earth do they come up with that one! well maybe it works for particular giftings and brain wirings ...one christian afterwards lamented that 'they' come to this service but come to no other.... well usually they will be what begging or perhaps even at a church with a more generous portion?... i reflect on the number of folks i has found has a belief in GOD and i even prayed for one who GOD got me to pray for who claimed no belief but GOD got me to pray for them and when we spoke some time later they recounted all the things  i ahd prayed for hAD hAPPENED! they attempted to say they didn't believe but it felt a little half hearted... they certainly were thrilled with what  had been happening! i was amazed!  you see we all has this desire and expectancy once we been touched by GOD....   only we look round us for our brethren and we find we has some churchfolk.. living seperate lives perfectly content in the bubble of contentment.... i was asked earlier today about the afterlife...: do you believe you are going to Heaven in the afterlife? and replied 'that's GOD's Call'  Heaven onto earth is what excites me... so how how how ?  the young homeless person of an architectural bent i was talking to has a belief in GOD  i shared a bit about Jesus being the Lord that Saves and that it was something he could call on anytime ... i left it up to him ... and for my part that he prayed.... you see i trust in Christ the Annointing... last time i was there i sat and moved tables cos i felt completely excluded from the conversation... it was confusing who was homeless and who was not,,, for some reason the one person who was genuinely so  .. i took a dislike to... in the end moving tables bore fruit... and had fun conversations ...but what was interesting was the guy i had initially disliked ... was  -well they all were- listening to the conversation about GOD happening on the next table... hung around afterwards and i had a brief word and a prayer... and .... well this time something had happened and there they were.... hanging about at the end a teeny bit transformed!


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

ah yes Sunday still!... in the evening i am supposed to be... and don't quite seem to manage to though i pray like mad... i retreat to the shop... one of the members of staff has been consistently friendly at times feeling overly so... they are my biggest encourager! they think i'm a nice person and a good one!!!! oh dear!  and have given me extra money off my late night scavenge for last sell by date items to the extent that i feel on moral grounds the need to make a stand... and have done so previously there is however something of GOD in this ... but still there are other customers... other really nice ones surely? this member of staff stops for a chat swapping how's- your- day- been pleasantries i am about to carry on with my vague shopping when they ask if i've been to cjhurch today... oh! of all the Sundays they could have asked... we have a chat... i discover that member of staff declares confident belief...and describes a family heritage of belief and sunday school childhood... it kindov figures in their generally lovely demeanour and somehow explains this person's shine to me! or rather to GOD in me! we jhave a long chat where i share some of my perspectives or GOD's reflections in me... i finally make it to the check out... am standing in the queue with this heightened awareness of the Presence GOD when the person behind me gets my attention somehow and under my breath i say Jesus Loves you ... something i have been saying to various strangers in passing along the day along with GOD BLESS!... i am pretty sure this is inaudible i just need to say it ,,, and the person behind me says out loud 'so?'  i am so astonished am glad it's my turn not quite sure what to do or say... but hey i pray about it.. remembering GOD's 'Give me your strongest arguments' in Isaiah

earlier also found i had somebody trying to contact the out of communication me ... have been having many conversations of the nature of what do you do without a mobile phone etc... 'talk to you face to face?'  somebody is concerned as it happens about me... and they are right to be so ... i explain that i am trusting GOD 'you need to help GOD out' they say ... and there is something about GOD in those words... you see we can get extremely lost in our just leaving it to Jesus when something of application is required of us.... or we may be the only brain or hands about that can help GOD.... i am touched by their Wsdom and acceptance of my faith and the need for faith to be practical as well as Spiritual ////  i think of one occasion when i was with them for a meal somebody had said Grace and i said Grace cos seems it had passed by unnoticed and the Holy Spirit had somehow showed up and i prayed for Healing within the loose adhoc format and they like lurched forward saying loudly YES! and AMEN! though they probably are more agnostic than ... but hey !!!

 more reminiscing: i have a coffee break i feel i had to run to get there sort of and sitting in a cafe with my coffee the person at the next tbleis someone i know or have met about once or twice about two years previous according to them once conversation sets in as they are leaving... they go to a different church and i remember it's a real day for Our Father though .... i ask them how GOD is treating them and they reply with reference to GOD the parent... but as they speak i feel moved with compassion... sounds like they have been having a stern talking to and somehow Our lovely Abba Father has become an austere 'i am right' middle aged person like a dour church father my mind is filled with GOD's LOVE for the toddler delighted to have child on knee lots of play and giggles i share something of that and like somewhere from somewhere an involuntary small child very shy smiles a beautiful child's smile appears on their face... they leave and wave as they pass by...


i find myself in the room with two folks one is going on about GOD responding to something i have just said and i say...  did you grow up a.... 'i went to Sunday school and i object to people ramming Spirituality down children's throats'   me ... i agree: 'GOD comes and does stuff when He does' the other person at that point does something unexpected ... 'why does GOD have to be a 'he'' unexpected cos that person is a man! well... says i and go on about the interesting point of father offspring relationships ... where GOD the Father can be an antidote to hurt in the church setting God is Creator says the other... and Created everyone... yup ... and i suspect that GOD is he cos Jesus addresses GOD as Father... how that must stick in the throats of every never can be perfect dad in that then era of thou shalts and this era of well imperfect dads.... and Jesus addresses GOD as daddy Abba!... i just remark the usage of Jesus....  and add that there is rather a lot of male supremacy that goes on in religion church and all sorts.... that's interesting seems to cloud a view of GOD we descend into a conversation about beards... the old man on the cloud wth a beard! which causes me to look up beards on biblegateway... seems there's two kinds of beards some men must never shave theris off and some must get rid of them one's the priest and the other is the nazarene... ok perhaps i was not completely research hard! but hey tell me now did Jesus have a beard?  !...


  well it has been an interesting day and even the Lord's prayer got a mention! as an example of something that's learnt through much repetition and then is known indelibly off by heart! that's really interesting cos it's non church going company and it was not me who said that and nobody objects! i tell you i love! lent GOD is in the air everywhere!...




 

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

just a few moments...  of a day of a rush and interruptions...  aplenty... nothing seems to have been any sort of plan...  i wanted to: ....and nothing... drift with the composition of the day or ... and... start : am supposed to be meeting a non-c friend for coffee this afternoon, but they phone to cancel and postpone... i feel a bit put out it has to be said.. then remember my finances are a little stretched so phjew? relax... i've made an appointment to pray with somebody about the two folks i have accumulated that i would appreciate some help with... so arrive... they are up to their ears with work and though they offer to multitask i feel this is not quite good enough... eventually we can sit down and even with that person's full attention the complexity of the telling that i am making simpler... surely? is proving a bit too much! so .... time is limited but actually we do get some prayer in ... then someone else arrives... a marital milestone or something it's really cool to do some Ministry in the midst of all that!...   then i am looking at the clock ... if i had had coffee i would not be here now methinks ... GOD has it all perfectly planned... later am supposed to treasure hunt ... haven't actually told mog but mog arrives and i can tell mog is not quite in the right frame of mind i can see a Spiritual something or other ... a bit of romance and Spirituality is down the pan! with altered spirituality in its place... grr no wonder the good folks of old took to lives of solitude and became hermits and the like !....  so annoying is mog that i vanish off piste in quite a strop to go and sit amidst some non christians so i can read bible in peace such is the wanton self serving blindness of romance that someobody elses Spiritual prep is far less important... so annoyed i am that swearing someone generously prays for me...  though i insist on adding to their prayers the removal of the problem ... a peace that is no peace is really no peace at all....   go off find some peace amidst the world and some non christians who quite happily go about their worlds and find themselves prayed for (secretly) even pray for some pigeons ...find self intriguingly in synoptic gospels Mark and Luke post resurrection stories... this feels important.... after a while i return late the other treasure hunter is there and mog has ... gone.... tresure hunter and i do our lists and go off to the first location .... and find ourselves with our first adventures.... am able to strike off two and other t-h 3 in the third and the fourth attempt....   other t-h is enjoying this near in tears i am moved and then we end up with one of those GOD tuned moments and we spend ages with one person plenty to pray about for a self accounted non-believer... and it's beautiful.... later it gets a little less form but we both enjjoyed it and feel wowed! the day continues and now am gonna housegroup or something... what about my homework Lord?

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

it's quiet nobody about and i find myself pondering stuff lots of stuff .. i feel overburdened by prayer .. a desire to be more effective ...  it's gone beyond that: i want to talk to... soandso... or even ..., that clutching at straws like a baby bird in the nest fed but it's somehow never quite enough input from the human forms around... but there's nobody about ... and that is as it should be.... would life be simpler if there was somebody to carry my prayer burden i mean in the human form.. i suspect it would layer on complexity of its own.... that would be annoying beyond measure one only has to listen to folks responding to what they hear around them one only has to feel those interruptions welling up ... the worldly way of solace... one you're only human to another you're only human... don't you know it's a matter of life or death... and GOD only offers through Jesus Christ of Nazareth SALVATION saving grace cleansing Healing setting free! Let Me Lift your burden for you... from you...

i have a complexity... a situation that is a prayer situation an urgent prayer situation not asked for but called for by the situation of somebody coming into my consciousness a story coming my way and somehow not letting go that challenges all my credentials... who is critically ill (though not hospital bound) medical prognosis rubbish- they are lucky still to be alive?.... they are trying to get some medical help not available in the uk that's seen as a kindof last resort... success has i hear been seen with this for their kind of illness .. and it costs substantially more than it appears they actually have... and for them... where is that money going to come from in spite of their own efforts... them being ill and all that... it feels it is so simple for GOD to provide that money..

i am being challenged... there have been a number of times where i have done heavy prayer sessions for critically ill folks.. (it's true i have not as yet had the privelege of actually standing at bedsides) and yup i have carried on praying right up to their funeral... these in the main have been one or two folks i know through church and it has been a privelege and certainly i have got loads out of it and also got loads of intonation about the process... during the year one person died who had loads of christians praying home and abroad and somebody praying reported they had had this vision while they were praying of them standing before Jesus and Jesus giving them the option of whether they came back into life or went to Heaven....  i was deeply moved by this and though it might feel to be perplexing since the critically ill person in this case making that decision in the vision was young.... i have felt something of this for two others that come to mind who died....   the truth is like this... sometimes folks just don't quite have the desire to live here on this earth amongst those who love them....  and GOD's Response appears to be one of dignified Grace....

Andrew Pearkes tells a story of a very dear friend of his who becomes critically ill... Andrew and a colleague go to that friend's house and begin to pray for his freind....  while they are praying something is just being revealed and another inhabitant of the house arrives demanding they leave the house at once!... well they do... and shortly after that the friend dies....  listening to the telling of this tale amidst many tellings of many healings ... one is filled with questions and inquisitions... but in real life the you're only human person on hand can only do what eventually it is they do... this is a dramatic account of real practice.. the most vivid aspect being the 'outcome' ... AP has told he only prays in person....   the outcome is the what would you do's of real life are truely tested by the proof of what you do.....  and yes how much are we constrained by the limitations of a limited christian culture for providing role model training; and one's own personality and personal ettiquette.. that wwyd wwJD? and where is JC? like now... and should one carry on praying when does one let go of a focus of prayer and when does one plough on regardless and where are the connections... i like that it would seem Jesus lost no-one even raising a folk or two from the dead...  and i radically love that Jesus along with Elijah and Enoch(?) are swept off this earth spontaneously... so where does belief faith doing and all that counts come into this...? i found myself recently in the story of Elisha raising the boy from the dead... and one is amazed by his boldness and counterculturalism ... and yet the outcome of the story tells the story!...  did he just go ahead and do what he believed follow GOD how? had he loads of practice before he got that far?

the thing though is the bottom line is that i feel drawn into this particular situation to pray for this particular person who i know very little about...  (which actually is my prefered starting point....).... and it seems it won't let me go !... and i feel disturbed cos i recognise a kindov well the person on my plate is not as far as i know a christian... and i suspect that a view of 'the church' and all theri carryings on doesn't quite help there! but that's not Jesus! i could reply... the church would love me for saying that!.... is this a serious point though... that based on the church Jesus is measured ... should we take that one more seriously ? or are we 'beyond reach' in the comfort of our own zone ? ... however back on piste... is this remotely relevant?... 

but i am troubled by something and i feel i am struggling to deal with stuff relating to prayer.. i feel almost at a loss how to pray!... 

one interlude later:

GOD BEING GOD brings through Inspiration... in the meantime somebody turned up for a bit.. asks me how i am i say i am struggling with some prayer stuff... they say nothing ... there is something of GOD in this you can't find a good christian when.... like i want to be dealing with GOD direct ... and GOD wants me to deal with GOD direct... a whiff of slowness and suddenly we is well.... clutching at our neighbours.... 

and me i am thinking... how else can i help?

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

this theme has been trying to come in for a while and it keeps popping up...  you may have gathered that mog has succeeded in pissing me off again and he had certainly not finished by interfering in my bible reading ... why is it that it really seems to be much easier to have faith outside of the church?... well mog decides to hang out at housegroup yesterday... well we did have another video thing seems our leader has run out of things to repeat and get thoroughly challenged on and not just by me though i am the most reliable source of contention... i have though been surprised... by pretty much sticking to my guns i have had my breathtook away by a humble 'i agree' this enormously endears me to that person even though seems there is loads of dismantling of learned rubbish to be done... but i fairly recently in the last year made a discovery... and it comes to be in parts... first a priming with the q