... the er ... lent blog 2011(cont'd)

[ecuworrier]

ooh err the narcistic project continues....

a few days sine computer and the world has changed ... i visit where the political uncertainty was stacked when all of a sudden discover .... regime change oioohhh on the day of a march about cuts where i can say i marched amongst the marchers and chatted....   ooh wouldn't it be lovely for real?  utopia..

so let's stop lying to ourselves lying to eachother.... utopia is about love... love hearts the place where love hurts no more.. and everything is perfect... not that lying goodfornuffink nowhere place in the hands of man and gods of men.... where it is achieved simply by eliminating the worthless ooh how the tories would love that button!

i confess if confession is allowed... i jhave been a little not thinking too much about anything for a few days...  it's been nice it's been sort of utopian... but like all escapes it can not last forever ... and why? cos it is my escape .... sigh!!!

narcisism.... that obstructive love of oneself to the destructive occlusion of all other folks... well let5s face it all that hard work all that effort to love ?  no... to be loved by folks that just cannot understand....? what sort of objective is that i mean honestly!...  and yet it has crossed my thoughts this year.... like as in er what if!? as in what if the sticking point to all that mean and hard up loving we omit to commit to other folks is well quite simple cos we is pretty sore about not bein loved enough  i mean one lives in hope does one? or in real absence of expectation cos the what one has got is cosy enough  could be better but hey i is not complaining ... look at the others!

narcism is the missing link of christianity...

the me focused generation of me focused 21st century that great liberation hangover of the C20... the me focused generation oif christians ... that excludes christianity from all rational humanitarian non christianity is the almost place


......of loving and all the time the missing link of these self absorbed good folk worried abut theri reputations standings and pleasing the people they wish to please....    is they are not narcistic enough as Christians...... 

it's all about LOVE .....  you see if we really loved ourselves as Christ bitten christians we would demand GOD show GOD's LOVE... we would set aside no not those silly external prayers for what we can show but what GOD can show us.... a lot more deeply a lot more often ....  cos then we really could see ourselves loved ... and sway in the Wind for lots more.......   Jesus!!!

ooh i feel lovin today!!!!!




here i am at an internet cafe that previously i sulked off from!!!!  even with new ownership... the folks is lovely ... and me am feeling lovin towards them really!!!!  see that GOD's BUZZ forgives and just starts LOVIN!!!! 

the utopia of GOD's HANDS IS IN THE AIR!!!!!!    that GOD IS IN CONTROL THING!!!

earlier was spendin some time staring at Genesis 1 v1-10 (Amplified)  i became a bit confused ... where was day 1 ..... and er.....   but the is this my fav line in the Bible or one of them .... it makes me want to just lie down roll over and gasp for air like a duck.... "The Spirit of God was moving (hovering, brooding) over the face of the waters."  i mean In the Beginning GOD made the Heavens and the earth   says nothin about waters and yet this unnamed waters is there with the first mention of the Holy Spirit ....  and then hey GOD keeps naming and renaming there's a whole bizarre thing going on with language like GOD does not need to name to bring to pass but when GOD does it kindov changes the ownership the characteristics of what is being talked about it's purpose ....   GOD Creates without words  then declares into being with words stuff that comes to pass then Does.....   it's all interconveretible but what sticks is the Power of GOD that it has multiple facets of Relationship.... what's going on with these waters though... there's waters above there's waters below there's that expansive sky the firmament named Heavens and there is GOD deciding not just the what the when but also the where of everything the essetnial realtionship between Heaven and earth ... i was really moved by this Heaven in the Hands of GOD can put it exactly where GOD wants it to be .....   and that LOVE BUG what if ..... what if ...... we can be a little more narcistic about what we can get out of GOD's LOVe.... the LOVE thing is this it's unstoppable .... so while we is sitting staring adoringly at ourselves in the shop window everyone around is swooning ...The Spirit of God was moving (hovering, brooding) over the face of the waters.

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

ooh er.... didn't make it to church and didn't go for the mop up either .... dunno i just felt far removed from church.... that way of stealing into GOD's Presence... but GOD han't forgot and so ended up in cafe catching up with the newspaper turning towards.....  i didn't get why... reading the first reading well.....   it was one of those my-heart-is- pure i was turning in my seat i tell you!  i tell you i have never got on with those ones

and here i found some music to make me squirm some more....:



ok... confession time.... a not dealing with too far?...... as near as a coupla weeks ago.... yes that is what i 'heard' my smoking patterns to be reduced to 5-aday......  the sustainable shortening of my general smoking with GOD's HELP....

now i have not got that far.... but i chatted about the logistics yesterday... so how would 5 a day look in practical terms well .... 1 in the morning...... 1 at tea(i understood pm) and 3 in the evening....  that's a whole lot of habit bustin at has to be said ... like what hapens to all the ones in between.... i feel numbeddaunted... and as i started today... well one in the morning.... it did not last long!!!  but i can't say i didn't 'Hear'.....


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

time is short here so.....  through a whole pile of readings....

[ecuworrier]

ooh errr....   why not to go to church!!!

church with GOD's prompts....  cafe church me and Bible and thinking about the readings i am doing and feeling pretty tearful and all that! the one thing though during this time that really fixes me with GOD is this...

i am musing on one of the people here listing a few characteristics about them ... and thinking about this and thinking now what would i put? the words come up like this:

"i'm Baptised .... Baptism is Heaven sent.... GOD BLESS YOU!" what else can one say?... well this reminder really sorts me out! it means a whole lot of things.... like well... probs will come back to this!.. in essence though it is me standing up for GOD standing in GOD is a whole dimension of realism.... you see GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES.... these few words are somehow better than church they say i belong to JESUS and that is that!  i belong to Jesus not because i think it's a good idea but because Jesus GOD the Father thinks it would be a good idea and GOD the Father has the Best Ideas!  ...  so can't quite frankly argue with that can i ? can one?.... and that is the Power of Baptism...

but hey why am i struggling so much with others who have been called... well quite simply (since we are starting afresh) cos they don't half talk a lot of tosh!!

here's an example ... i have just been to church ... one of those services where there are a lot of currently really disadvantaged people and ...now i can only ask the question... would they be there if it weren't for the grub? and you know what i can't really answer that! so i'll leave it as a question....

i am later than i expected ... well i am still on GMT technically...   and walk into the end of the sermon..... a short talk in this instance told by a practising sermon taljker.....   i walk in and there is something a bit weird about the atmosphere without anyone saying anything (as well as the Holy Spirit being around) .... and i lean on the wall at the back ......   dunno what the talk is about but i can sense this talk is a pushing the boat out talk.....   and it's inviting folks to repent to say sorry to Jesus for their sins...........   oh dear already i am crumpling with embarrassment and just want to leave ... this just is not my theology or my understanding of theology or how to address these folks...  and i'll explain why:

the use of the word 'sin' in the plural is a religious term. In ethos and implicit understanding the plural form reminds and reflects on the 10 commandments and all that came off of it.... in other words 'the' list of rules that exists for the mind to grapple with and to reflect on from the heart? religion debates these rules endlessly with it's adherents ....   but this arrangement predisposition and practise fundamentally reflects the precondition of the person for not engaging with GOD in the first place.... and i refer you to the book of Exodus to see for yourself... (the smoky mountain scene with Moses tramping down the mountain carrying the tablet...... )  you see Moses didn't need this and they were not written out for Moses benefit but as a stop gap for all those who wouldn't be seen dead in the tent....  you don't want to see for yourself ? you don't want to recognise for yourself that 'I want to Circumcise your heart?' and then you cannot stop relating to Me and all the decision-making you will ever have to do exists in your having the rule book in it's entirety encased deep within your soul and all you need to do is ask The Lord for affirmation....  direction Comfort Guidance......   the stop gap is to keep the relative person out of relative mischief while they is getting to the place where they can for themselves make that step to say yes Lord i do want to engage with You freely ..... Praise the Lord!!!! that relative place (may well be the pristine picture for your peers)  but it is as near as it is far from being unsinful... it is by default a natural and logical 'sin' position.... it is a position of not directly engaging with GOD with all the pitfalls of trying to second guess preempt what GOD would do say or actually wants out of any situation for serious consideration as well as trivial... i don't know if i am making myself clear here as time is beetling on so summarise:

talk attitude philopsophy of 'sins' ... is religious talk .. so if  you bow down confess and so onetc to this one (and please don't think i want to interfere here too much it has it's place ... sometimes of course it does.... ) you are engaging with religion and every religious person will rejoice! and you will (i hope) feel a lot of relief for doing so!

but what about the Father's step? that eager wait to see your face searching His 'Face' anxiously... to see....etcetc... now that is growing up!

sin is the singular term for no matter how hard GOD tries you keep turning your face away it's not about what you have done it is about what you are doing ....now! and you don't need to jump no hoops for anyone though you will be jumping for joy!!! when you see there!
not talk of sin but GOD showing up is Scripture! is the law of GOD

it's a place of beauty and Grace... so how can we expect to get there if all someone is getting us to slip through all the hoops?  well sometimes GOD shows us not to be afraid to try... but then no help from us.. GOD makes us GOD's story... and that's where logic ally things can become confusing... on wonder it's so much easier to tick box confessions  in the hope of love... regardless of whether there is the remotest possibility based on true life experience of anything else///  GOD makes fools  to confound the wise  or are we just not getting ti in the first place

then...

i am aware of some pretty odd vibes going on....

but venture to chat with someone i know.... they are quite the elder statesperson within a setting and worthy of respect and some admiration.... however brat Christian that i am .... i can't help thinking of them as theologically fuddyduddied... so i guess it's my own fault... they've been away and now they've been back i wanted to catch up on shared experience... no change there they have not reconnected... they have been on holiday in an interesting country of some recent political turmoil ....   so they tell me about their holiday... and i am thinking ... how can you go to a place that is.... well a country needing all the help it can get and tourism is a valuable enterprise .. that kind of puts me in my place ... well just!  so as you can hear i am feeling a little antagonistic ... but we are amongst underpriveleged and that really is where i feel miffed by the ongoing attitude of a generation of looked up to christians (but it didn't start in this place)  the conversation drifts to reference of religions i am being told about one religion where they had an impressive number of gods where  if they didn't have a god to order they made one up... i have to say this sounds like a culture full of enterprise the only limits seeming to be human imagination... then i get to hear about another culture and the attitude of that religious culture towards christianity and that's when......   apparently this culture sees the christian preoccupation with the trinity evidence of polytheism... i can see how that might be... i find myself challenged about my views i reply i do not see things in the same way as mainstream i don't accept the traditions of thought processes of theology i could of gone on to complain but i somehow was not in the mood... but added that i felt that sometimes the preoccupation with the trinity (as concept) got in the way of the Gospel.....  well maybe i was mixing and matching....  ok then where does the Holy Spirit come from? i am asked with some intensity i'm on the back foot... i refuse to give an answer saying that the basis of the question isn't relevant... i'm feeling i really want to escape... i say you cannot have ownership over what you can't control and strode off...  is that an unfinished discussion... well at the end i believe GOD is GOD and that is good enough for me as for the formation of words and nostrils and concepts of archaic handed down ness just seems to get in the way of the Gospel.... which is all very well... do i sound really tired of Christianity ... and at a crossroads with Jesus?

now if i said yes master and bowed asking for forgiveness from this well respected churchperson then what would have happened next? dunno i did not and the evening seemed to go from bad to worse......

oh there's a bit in the middle.... and it's all about me! i sit and attempt to chat with some folks.. after a while i am joined by someone in the church a young christian who i like loads cos the thinking is fresh and not contained by the church though they themselves are a onehundredmiles an hour active person....  they come over to sit with me ... i am currently sitting on a table deserted by my wouldbe companions feeling i has something to do with it.... they seem to be seeking sanctuary... it's been a hard day... we are joined by another church person .... some of the others return and i am prefering their company somehow...  suddenly it's apparently time to go and everyone is terribly concerned the how of that the yc of my church gets home ... i am thinking have i missed something.. in the end i have to leave the conversation... feeling really disturbed ... it's the vibe of it... i mean what about me ... if there is any danger... they all leave  that vibe remains the prson in question returns having forgot something...  and goes again.. i am feeling angry


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

..you'll see you'll feel better in a few weeks or so... says my neighbour being my BELOVED neighbour of GOD... i am sitting outside as they come past noticing me look tired .. i confess that how fed i am with church....  i am reminiscing in my mind at that moment that whole moment of church of walking into a sermon yesterday,,,  and so someone kindov understands... listens.. helps... before they let me go.....  psalm 42 how the deer pants etc.... i love that song i say... mmm read the whole psalm they mutter a few lines and i am left thinking the song doesn't do it justice .... you know what i er.... am planning to go to a cafe and i seem to have taken inordinate attention to bringing my Bible with me !:

Psalm 42 (Amplified Bible)

Psalm 42
BOOK TWO
To the Chief Musician. A skillful song, or a didactic or reflective poem, of the sons of Korah.
 1AS THE hart pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God.
    2My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?(A)

    3My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, Where is your God?

    4These things I [earnestly] remember and pour myself out within me: how I went slowly before the throng and led them in procession to the house of God [like a bandmaster before his band, timing the steps to the sound of music and the chant of song], with the voice of shouting and praise, a throng keeping festival.

    5Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.

    6O my God, my life is cast down upon me [and I find the burden more than I can bear]; therefore will I [earnestly] remember You from the land of the Jordan [River] and the [summits of Mount] Hermon, from the little mountain Mizar.

    7[Roaring] deep calls to [roaring] deep at the thunder of Your waterspouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me.

    8Yet the Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

    9I will say to God my Rock, Why have You forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

    10As with a sword [crushing] in my bones, my enemies taunt and reproach me, while they say continually to me, Where is your God?

    11Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

i ignore the thess cross ref... but go to John 7:37

v 37Now on the final and most important day of the Feast, Jesus stood, and He cried in a loud voice, If any man is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink!

  and the resonance of "All who are thirsty"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REFly2UKrTE&feature=related  which was the first tolerABLE version i coul find

i love the noise of the   words in the psalm... the cafe is playing some music that somehow......

ooh guess what.. i have just prayed for an ant... and off it's gone! half squashed it by accident...oops and was pondering my options take it outside? squash it put it out of its misery.... prayer ..Revived it!! i feel all emotional now...

and i glanced across to psalm 40 (amplified)


sitting outside ... i have it seems a dilemma.... a course is starting tomorrow and i'm not yet signed up... it's cos i want to be sure that it's what GOD wants rather than what i want....   i am staring into space asking GOD saying i'm not ready..... 'YOU ARE'  it's those moments .... where you are asking you find the question.... finally ... i have to say i did not expect that answer... and here i am for the second time feeling emotional tears in my eyes.....   remembering that i subsequently asked GOD but should i go.....  and at that point i could not hear the answer cos there was me interfering .......   oh GOD i hope this is right

ok sooo left cafe and was about to go one way when i came here instead.... and on the way who should i meet... GOD IS IN THE HOUSE... person at my church ....  the one person i know who is truely buried in GOD right now....  AMAZING!!!  you know what no prayer is wasted... it's been a tough few years... and this person has Sprung Up!... of late they have been on a continuous stream of Prophetic Words... they have felt that calling and have now strode out... they have they tell me been felt drawn to strangers to give words sometimes Christians sometimes non Christians... i am wowed... they see me they say the Holy Spirit is all over me wow do i need that encouragement...  some folks walk past i am amazingly drawn to them wow the Holy Spirit is over them... they  are they muslim... who cares... one of the things that moved me most was when my Christian compatriot told how GOD had got a non Christian to give them a word  .... something of change is in the air all right!

what i love about GOD is ... if you were choosing someone to grow and tend and nurture... well GOD goes straight for the jugular... the heart.. and over many years many difficulties grows the person....  and uses the person never mind the outside the finished article or anything else....  i tell you i am listening to the stories with some sense of envy the stories  of sight and encouragement..a nd there's me being bratsome.. i am humbled...

but GOD has not finsished there there i am sitting here when there is a bang on the window one of the folks of my church looking amazing in the Glory i am thinking wow i must have missed some church yesterday.... we chat ... they didn't go either....  this too is GOD Appointment...


GOD BLESS YOU!

Peace and LOVE!!!  it's in the air somewhere...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhhpHEasoPo&feature=autoplay&list=PLCD09BAF21925BFEB&index=8&playnext=1

this is Lydia Stanley main worship leader for the Bay of the Holy Spirit Mobile Alabama archives on GODtv.... that movement and me parted company quite suddenly one day .. i was mosing through the archives when i noticed that one particular one was the most listened to/watched... so i went onto that expecting to see spectacular Amazing GOD AT WORK .....  to find a talk on Israel it was the recent somethingorothers....  the Bible says versus GOD Calls you to...  that's what i was saying to my Good Neighbour earlier  that GOD CALLS YOU that GOD FACES YOU wants to look you in the eye wants you to look into the Father's Heart's Eye.. you know i don't need to say the what comes next but hey we is such a sinful folk.... the sorries just flow from the heart and that's what i don't need to say cos sayin it makes it a religious walk of expectation whereas GOD IS IS ALL ABOUT PROCESS the mainstay is HIS HEALING HIS LOVE COME DOWN FOR YOU.. and as for the guilt .... 'CHILD' ....I GUILTFREE...  CLEANSING AND LOVING YOU FREE MY SISTER BROV

and as i spoke of the expansive nature of GOD's AMBITIONS not to settle with hey Peter fouled up but THAT VISION of you ain't seen nuffin yet and why does all these Revival Meetings Heal only the few even Todd Bentley... a recent witness .... was there before well whatever happened was....   and spoke of the 'nothing like it'.... of what they witnessed.. somewhere in that piece me animated having stood up now facing them THE BIG WORD "COME" which i shared

to my GOOD Neighbour of earlier

GOD BLESS YOU!

[ecuworrier]

hey... found a ITcaf that's open late! how cool is that?

am back to....  well there is a GOD Story in somewhere...

i muttered yesterday about decisions decisions decisions about this here course! well i was having anxieties and doubts last night... and trying to talk to GOD and seemingly hearing that i shouldn't do it... was up late ... and ok well i was intensely aware that doing a course recently over several weeks was a cause of multiple tension... i had had to decide in a hurry or so i was led to believe ... i mean two days or so... when if it was a GOD thing well then..... pretty much the same thing... the whole process is emphasising how guarded i feel and how ecu the unready i must be .. i mean what sort of soldier of Christ huh Follower of Christ i mean in real time dither for half an hour and they've all gone!  Jesus didn't hang about did He? human decision making is a trust thing who is ready for anything? i mean in terms of actually being on the ball? i feel really deflated! so there i was in bed just thinking about all the stuff that seemed so oh no not ok in the last course like shoudl i really be doing this... i mean any self respecting Christian surely wouldn't or would they? i certainly have had a mixed bag as far as encouragement is concerned.... ah yes but what really made me a little wary last night with the seemingness of GOD said no? was.....  i started to think ... now how much of what we see as the Holy Spirit is actually what we believe is the persona of the church in some guise.. does this seem like an excuse to you?  well last night i kinda went to sleep pretty much ... you know when you are having those conversations that you don't really need to have cos the matter has been settled... but you don't somehow believe it has been ... that's when sometimes there's something ...  well do you walk away when it happens.....    i did meditate on...

AND oh dear recalling an encounter of association with someone who was on one of those far away place journeys that opened their senses ... i recalled that they had said that what they saw as something of the church ie being around Christians was not as deep as some of the rest of things.....   that led them to conclude that there was a lot deeper stuff than what christians held oozed... it's funny that i should remember that last night but it fitted perfectly into .. what i have been feeling generally about church ......  but more specifically i felt i had an air of rebellion an air of impatience an air of sulk and running away in the previous course.... me i chose to give this up to GOD.... my whole motivation  Bible readings stuff about enemies and the like oh.... i didn't feel helped at all... 

now what with the changing of the clocks there was a distinct possibility that i would oversleep.... but i didn't .... and the alarm clock went off and i heard it and everything about me waking up and all that seemed geared to me preparing for the course.... sooooo with much more prayers and Bible readings off i set about to be late ... i can honestly report that GOD was looking out... i kept asking all the way for shoudl i go down this road that road etc the sight of the Holy Spirit led all the way to the course...  on the way i felt GOD iterate 'I want you to finish the course'

today was unlike the first day of the other course....  in all sorts of ways......   so i am back to a course of late night endeavours to grapple with what i feel ill equipped to achieve ....though the first homework is light in comparison...  well the experience of the previous course has set me up in some ways to be in a sort of role that at least today i took to like a daisy to the sunrise... and i didn't complain once!  however i did resolve to give more time to GOD and did kindov  almost....

the reading of psalm 17

as i am writing ..... something unpleasant is dawning on me  on the very subject of the Holy Spirit mixed in with the unpleasant and invalid views and subrogation of the church there is entirely the possibitlity that me recalling some conversation of old has some broader resonance and indeed writing these words is indeed giving some feelings of setting free .... this is why i trust GOD and not the charlatans of church philosophy aka known as small t-theology and here we are back at that rage and resonance which is precisely this!.... if it's not in the church where should one look to encounter the true Gospel and should one be reticent to ditch the whole gamesmanship of man's schemes a previous and the  ... i suspect i will be writing on that more anon but for now..

Lyrics:
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

some of those words i sing louder than others... it has to be said though am now thoroughly bored of the song especially after seeing a Stuart Townend church gig thing

hey if you are flagging or tired prayers for you too GOD BLESS YOU!


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

feel duty bound just to have a short one today... well what can one say?..

what a drizzly day woke up late cos i was up late testing my conscience on the keyboard...  well where does one get to? it's a curious thing one practices or applies oneself and then takes a break and... back at square one... there's got to be a better way or a better way of dealing with what is one actually atending to? when one practices er applies oneself ?

the difficulty of the day has been to try and find ....  oh dear its that freedom in the garden thing where does one begin to look for a fruit amongst so many ....vegetables? or are they fruit...? gotta cjheck them out!  was it so many that got Eve all confused?... i am looking for a project or two for my course ... i is rubbish at decision mking and i hasn't yet... oh what about Jesus hey man  He Leads the Way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79RwWXpQrNY&feature=autoplay&list=MLGxdCwVVULXebwD6hBxkAfRcxFCE5r7hk&index=2&playnext=2



is this chilled out.... or what?  who needs ..

told you i was cross

i also hastA  sort out my notes and files what got covered in coffee

 .. and chill does not last too long!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

oops ! that was yesterday when previous to that... late night reading if i'd recalled would my day be different well one hopes so when....

2 Kings 20

1 In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, ?This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.?
 2 Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 3 ?Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.? And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

 4 Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 5 ?Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ?This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. 6 I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.??

 7 Then Isaiah said, ?Prepare a poultice of figs.? They did so and applied it to the boil, and he recovered.

8 Hezekiah had asked Isaiah, ?What will be the sign that the LORD will heal me and that I will go up to the temple of the LORD on the third day from now??

 9 Isaiah answered, ?This is the LORD?s sign to you that the LORD will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps??

 10 ?It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps,? said Hezekiah. ?Rather, have it go back ten steps.?

 11 Then the prophet Isaiah called on the LORD, and the LORD made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.


wow!!! when one has along term illness and things are a little difficult to reason with like what is Healing is it gradual all at once what?...  Hezekiah needed a bit of proof.. a sign and aGOD obliged that shows implicitly that Hezekiah hasd somewhere faith but to add the spice of that story gives a reading thsat simply wows one!i mean what does it take to interfere in the primary physis of nature... can you imagine that waking up and watching the sun going round the earth as it does every day and then one day watching the sun go backwards or something? there's plenty of charlatans and control freaks to underline that thye would love to have you believein them... that degree of power!

today hung out with the person who spoke on Sunday apparently they got a lot of stick from Christians and non Christians alike.... but there's something about that !!! that reacytion it felt like something was stirred i tried to put my ore in but it felt along time ago now and actually as on previous occasions recently i am told that i have not heard right... i am not convinced of that cos sthere is something of the sense of things that is left whilst the long sermon is full of what ? the things ber#tween the GOD's stuff overtakes and distracts!...  i is unp;cking words of knowledge that's been given....and the feeling of the Holy Spirit is great! in fact i am i#nterrupted but i continue cos i feel the Hoily Spirit... i do on the human side feel a discrimination... it's lik,e i hasto fight all the harder and still.... but i am dwelling on the fact that.... well i say fact i mean really ... well what does stuff mean ... we ask the questions cos we do not want to / can't quite ... HEAR ME I AM THE LORD WHO IS SPEAKING TO YOU...it's quite scarey or is it ... where is the safe zone it is in THE PEACE I GIVE YOUIF YOU WILLONLY REST THE SOUL ON ME.....is that scarey? i have a go at the person who spoke on Sunday for their over intelle ctuallising...  i am watching  on the outside.... the person is sincere... and like everyone else i know lives in a time z\one that is well one of the audience...  it is emphasised by the person who is in a continuous flow of Prophetic Gifting at the minute and i know iyt strikes a chord somewhere but what is it with sermonisers they feel they done their bit...but ok then all ye of Paul's persuasion .... what Gifting did Jesus have....fpollower of Jesus or follower of Paul?.. i have a listen to one or two words...  i have been listening... and the striked chord with me is somehow in #a different space am i worong so wrong could be  i don't mind being wrong if i is put right afterwards but i ill not be put right to something fashioned by man's scheming his don#ctrine her attachment of the whole heart everyone everything bar GOD's by coincidence someone i have mentioned previously is back on their feet and turns up... they will not take stuff from me.... and tpo be honest i am less than bothered afterall i will not really take stuff from them.... they are looking different though and that is good.... 

i cannot stand religiousity in people there i havde already rephrased religious types....  and all the games folks play really ! we have games of the biblic al similie and we have the games of playing with GOD both stink and the serious folks stay on one  bar and the frivolous folks stay on the other and i guess hey they is not yet ready for GOD....  there oiis nothing jokey imv about the seriousness of religion the damage as well as sanctuary it serves....  the problem is thayt the Grace of Christ breaks down the doors... and now what.... 2000 =years on .... oh my  the curtain is orn AND  now what... we peep inside turn to look at eachother what now!!??? i believe we arre still asking and the Directness of GOD buy litereally tearing down the tent enclosure not putting up screens and the like on the mountain to sheild Moses and Elijah ... theres' just you and me baby... and that doesn't mean you and i butbut the real thing the real meqaning of you baby newborn and GOD the Father in His Hands you are safe... oh no there we are again .... the cfear factor in the church is very dramatic and maybe that's why the churhc is so fond of the law of GOD they can't get beyond the fear for all the talking they do at least on Easter MY PEACE I GIVE YOU there's that song... and without it....

there's that church again breeding ground for radical religious folks fear drives us away from ythe Fahter when all GOD is saying is speak to me tell me your fears it's for real

MY PEACE I LEAVE YOU

so if that's the promise that tJesus can make ie even when He is not   what visible then if we believe that how much better dowe feel feel the cloth ask to feel the cloth




GOD BLESS!
Peace and Love,  GOD is a Genius...

have you ever

[ecuworrier]

if anyone is in any doubt that i have been avoiding lent like the plague ... yesterday was the evidence... i go to housegroup.. was i keen well no actually.... but i gave GOD the benefit of the doubt....  and tumbled late into someone's birthday seems i was the only but one person not to know... oh well arriving late seemed not to make it so late... the cake was still warm! and someone arrived just as i did .. the talk was short readings from someone's lent blog ... and their reflections of lent... now did you know that the same competitiveness that occurs by peers of similar focal points occurs amongst bloggers .. well now i do know!... so, one is listening a bit like the malefluous Salieri listening to a Mozart composition... the one thing that made me sigh with relief was the mention of the three blog readers ... but hey that mention is a joke !

what was nice was that a person was doing their own tthing and fishing their own thoughts on issues like Jesus in the desetr and the Temptation and stuff.... but to be honest all i could hear was a very familiar thought process going on .... seems like folks in the chiurch had said this is how it is threfore if you accep0t stuff like this now interpret... or am i bein unfair here is it that .... maybe i am in a different boat on the Jesus is the LORD THAT SAVES the GOD portion of Him thinks different from the likes of us.... while everyone else seems o think Jesus is t5his guy therefore he thinks like the rest of us..... i was falling asleep.... an exercise that was encouraged by the blog artist was to be thankful fto GOD for stuff... that what GOD Gives IS enoough?  i confess i had lost track but i of the listening but i like that notion... the group leader decided that was a brilloitan new idea so we should go round giving thanks for one thing each.... well i was last... and had plenty of time to think there were two things on my mind here.... one was this the exercise is apparently to encourage us to do something we don't usually do ie to thank GOD for something that has happened today/this week....   i felt miffed here was i whose complete faithwalk is apparently completely derogified by my peers well they can't be my peers since they don't really accept me as peerof the likes of them... so i thought hey this exercise isn't really for me given that i ok could do more thanking GOd but in compasrison to someone who has to think now what have i to thatnk GOD for in the last week ? month?... me well i feel insulted... but it is a way of getting me to shut up... so they have achieved something... actually silencing me is giving me something to think about and that is this what the **** am i doing there anyway... othere than to spend some silent time ewith GOD well ki did kindov think i might get some of that!.....    the other aspect to i didn't want to participate was.... what the **** these dguys doreally don't caqre enough to listen to me anyway.... spi am certainly not bbeing taken with Spiritual respect or human respect .... they don't even want to ask me what i want to pbe prayed for... d.... then we had lots of liturgy i couldn't be assed to listen to and Communion.... thankfully i was last cos i have for some time relieved myself of the religious ritual ... not fit to serve .. can't be assed to be savserved by folks that  well whose relreligiosity i just do not feel a part of and don't want to partake.... so me i now wait for the end and take to the crumbs (usually great chunks left over) and could get drunk on the wine.... the Communion Table is about Jesus and the Jesus and me...so i have taken it to heart.... and cut out the middle man? lent is tuff man... it means that folks has that terriblre struggle with them biscuits... and we apparently pray for folks ie friends to help out when it gets rough....   

prayers.... one of the people has some really good news they have been accepted for a course that we have all been pondering prayers for for some time.... especially following rejection from one course donor.....   we hear a very detailed account of proceedings they are really upbeat.... i am thinking this is gonna go on for ever so i get my coat and am off when sudednly oh it's prayer time... one of the folks there whohas been generously listening to all this with great encouragemnt... ... oh my.... they are having a truethfully awful time.....     so everyonre gets prayers except me..... o fcourse....   so i have to fetch one of the men who is more sympathetic so i give them something to pray about and i pray for them...


ok this course thing i have been singularly unenthusiastic to pray for.... it's one of those situations that student applicant to student accepted is a very high g ratio indeed it is a course that is vocational it is a course that matters... i have no idea how the coleges get to choose and discard folks for these places.....   so i would like to think in retrospect that the folks that get on these courses are indeed the best equip0ped people with the biggest hearts and the constientious motives to see theri best through the folks that is the recipients of this training.... and i am left pondering .... look i have spent enough time around the person in question to understand their value systems as far as a practise of them is concerned and they is somewhat squewhiff!  with all that prayer they has succeeded... which is great news.... me i is undecided as to whether it is a good thing but i guess GOD was Graceious in some way or other... or wwas GOD what next we will see....  anyway the acandidature is set...

i have been spennding some time today doing lent... myself ... suggesting a design for a leaflet for Good Fri/Easter... choosing pictures and the like it was a deeply moving experience... the more one focuses the deeper one comes into Communion somehow....Proverbs 1 33 but whoever listens to me will live in safety
   and be at ease, without fear of harm.?

now that last night has given me much to reflect on
 1 My son, if you accept my words
   and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
   and applying your heart to understanding?
3 indeed, if you call out for insight
   and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
   and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
   and find the knowledge of God.

the thunderous Prov 2

there is something about this passage that rattles me within




GOD BLESS!


Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

...what constitutes a luvverly day?

it's been wonderful...  still on GMT meant that i woke up just in time to be late for street stuff hurried in...   what can i say?  Christians ... some folks were quite clear that Christianity was something that they didn't want... in theri lives... quite a repeated chant... listening to someone from church being incredulous that homosexuals not interested in church... now why would that be!? i challenged them they mumbled something that kind of made it all sound interesting more anon? hmmm i wonder!... like how many folks attend regularly what's gay?  anyhow it made me think!  the rejection of christianity thing when we are there to offer GOD's Love!

highpoint though... post street stuff fag... everyone's gone... when someone who i had spotted on the streets earlier...  does something most peculiar they approach me very directly  telling me about an ailment... i offer to pray... wow they saw me earlier? apparently not to my amazement!  prayer was needed though as one ailment was only the superficial tip of the iceberg!  i felt so oooo humbled...

'nother highpoint took me by surprise... what's the probs i is thinking as someone rushes forward to tell me that Jesus is behind me telling me it's safe.... these things one needs to absorb...  at the time i was thinking hey i don't know .. i'm feelin ok aren't i?

footie's a relief... i gos in to watch thinking 2-0 down oh no... last match there was 4-0 by the end of a bad day at the office for my team....   but hey

i go out and about and within quick succession i have bumped into one person i have not seen for a while who points me in the direction of another.. though i am a little nervous of..... but go to see them they are pretty friendly actually ... bump into another who i haven't seen ... then creme de la creme of bumping into friends i haven't seen for a while this is all within an hour or so!......   have they seen me or not not sure i call out to them we are passing on the same side of the street... i haven't seen them for over a decade... they jolt into recognition....  we agree we hjaven't changed and yet... we both have within different stories.... mine is about the Garden of Eden ... which seems a bit weird.... but i tell as it comes about Jesus Rescue.....  and i find myself talking about that door is open.....  and i find myself preaching to myself somehow that open door the IS of open door and how exciting that is like the limits is not the door cos it is open!!!! 

the thing i like about Jesus is that Jesus wants to Bless my enemies!!!! 

we agree that we both look like we've changed inside and i like that person's stories  too  there is something of the softness of ...they've found the  hippy in hippy somehow i am thinking to myself

i reminis later  about this person there's something well actually quite a lot i like about them we used to have a shared activity ...  but the image that sticks out for me was: .... after some social once... we were all standing outside on the street in the dark it was late i was a chirstian by then and i recall this little cat came along miawing ..... looking down i think us all to a human cringed at the sight of a very mangy small cat i know i did... but not this person straight down to tend to it risk of fleas and whatever else aside... now find a Christian ....  i was deeply moved by this small gesture of selfless compassion 

i find myself invited to a new phase and group of that shared activity....   

[ecuworrier]

part 2...

oh of course a spider story......   now how is it again that a great big spider can cling limpet like to the ceiling above my bed.....   before i ponder this big amazing fact of life .... my initial thoughts of course are help this big spider is about to manage to fall on my bed and then what??? ghastly scenarios of fear.... only one of them being that i might accidentally kill it and wake up to squashed spider where has it been apart from tyhat!......   so i am hysterically thrown into prayer squalk squalk... there is no way that i can interfere in the immediate next point to all this since the ceiling is beyond sensible reach....  prayers more prayers.... i disappear off.....   and forget about spider ... till a time later i am drawn back to the bed to find said spider in my bed... i have no panic and neither has the spider i fetch a see through container place it over the spider the spider climbs onto its wall and stays there the container is covered and taken to the window and with a prayer for it's welfare tap the container on the window sill anddd.... bon voyage... easy...   i have engaged GOD's Assistance previously with this kind of situation and GOD is really good at calming all participants... at one point i am reminded to think about hey.... that removal of annoying persons .... the christian's perrogative.....  apparently ... you know your church probs employs some sort of safetynet ... make the creepy thing feel that unwelcome and hope it will go away..... or even just get rid of the creepy thing..... the thing is there i was feeling quite smug about that i had sought GOD's Help and that GOD had somehow obliged... i mean shoudl i really object to house-sharing with a large spider or two?  worshipping with a large spider or two ??? preaching the Gospel?  the fact is i do not know how to it is so much easier to remove the beast with kindness and a Blessing send it on it's way to be dealt with elsewhere....

Now what would Jesus have done?

Do we need to know?  the Door IS OPEN you know!


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love

who is rather excited about the OPEN DOOR!  what permanently ? yes always

[ecuworrier]

the day!!!

begins with waking up with good time to get to church then being waylaid... by a conversation that goes like this: church leader keeps in contact (+ point) with person no longer in that church ... has conversation with that person.... 'are you in church?' answer 'no'; 'why not?' 'cos the people in church are so miserable even though they should be full of Joy cos of the holy Spirit'(+1000 points for insight and honesty); church leader visibly shocked at this(-1 million points for well everything!) church leader's wife pipes up 'oh yes.... people are drawn to church by the Holy Spirit then they are so disappointed when they get there ... so they leave'...(+100 points for observation) now that was worth being late for church for don't you think....   the guy at the front is not at all thinking hey we should ALL to a dog be full of JOY.....  then the only problem with  church attendance would be where to put everyone....   but the disenfranchised females of the franchise get no leadership in this 'parish'.... little say... so what's important for the people? what's important for the leaders what's important for GOD ? what's important for the elders of the parish!..... 

i arrive at church late and just as i arrive someone is coming around the corner ... 'hey .... did you see X yesterday' me taken aback says 'how do you know that i saw X yesterday?' i feel a little defensive...  the spys are out?...(X is the first of four folks i hadn't seen for a while crammed into one hour  AND X is the person i was Baptised for  then and there  when it happened and in that time not a moment too soon...  they were there and they were the person to put up their hand!)..... well no actually.... what happens was someone i will call mog for obvious reasons....  was having a coffee with friend ... the Presen ce of the Holy spirit ...'hang on GOD's got something for me to do  ... ' they break off midflow looking around..... they are having what is an excitement symptom.... the smell of fragrance ... they say they have never smelt that strong before.. (it is quite a new phenomenon...).. they look around and theri attention is caught by..... outside the coffee shop sitting there is X... so they rush out to talk to X... .... i am told that X after seeing me walked along praying to GOD .... WOW!!!! they are wowed i am wowed!!!  WOW!

hanging out with mog is kindfov interesting... this whole Holy Spirit thing on such a momentum is PRETTY AMAZING!!!!!!  at the end of church i misssed the sermon all of it and there was somehow a Holy Spirit thing going on like simultaneous church was happeneing in the foyer.... and the sit down brigade....


now i told you about me and Communion being ... well me and .....   so taking it to extremes and a journey with this .... with 2 seperate serving stations where am i to sit?.... i ask GOD ... i end up going to one station where i find experience of dunno something...bread is broken at one station wine at the other  and there is dunno a whole lot of stuff going on.... not all i understand....    but Communion was slow the slowest yet and i end up sitting on the floor for both parts.... something.....  i become messenger boy dashing around with short Words for lots of people.... including the janitor who is a little surprised as i am to be delivering this... as they themselves are to do with the building and not our church!....    and then off for coffee with mog

gottago

[ecuworrier]

soooo off for coffee with mog mog was buying and bought some cigarettes for me what is it about passion for GOD and cigarettes....

i was not entirely sure what would happen....  you see mog has become a bit famous quite suddenly at least in our church.... now mog like me has had that thing for a while ... you know you hang out quietly in a public space watching the world go by and there suddenly you feel to pray for folks as the world goes by  on the bus in a cafe etc.... well recently and after some adventures with GOD (not locally is this significant ?  i do believe there is something about GOD in the unfamiliar surroundings that DOES something) comes to the point where hey i sat next to this woman and GOD gave me a word!... for some time that has been it ... well now mog has taken to uttering these phrases or shareing these images to folks.....   and there has been a sustained happening of this... mog is reeeally excited

well this brings me back out of a stupour!.... i have had words of knowledge (again after a visit elsewhere) popping into my mind as i pass folks it has come and gone .... and reminded me of what has been.... actually approaching people..... well mog has a great way with this mog explains mog's  a christian.... and that they believe GOD wants to use them to give words....  GOD APPOINTMENT or what and so mog does....   whereas me is at the infancy stage

now one thing that is interesting in this is mog to be fair is excitable but humble mog is the messenger....  meanwhile all those important folks in church has got themselves all excited queueing up to have words... mog says with a sigh... well if GOD gives one....  i am with GOD and mog on this....  mog has been prophetic for a long while and me too has noticed that mog has not given me too many words in this time though more like the words mog has given say in prayer meetings has i dwelt on?  no wonder there is a dry up... so imagine my excitement when mog has a word for me and it's a NICE one!.... by now i have in recent weeks received now i think 4 WORDS and now i is paying more attention to them...  i has to say that mog's eyes is on Fire ... GOD HAS TURNED someone pretty ordinary into someone with an appearance that is really endearing..  with a Power coming off of them that is pretty Awesome.... now that is really cool and like i say on the back of a long Relationship and heart for GOD amidst all the human frailty issues that the church is just oh so lazy about.... so half hearted ... so distracted!....about... sadly anything and everything that is n ot deliberately on the outside..

WORDS is about context and the foreverness... you know those WORDS wot are oh so needed in the moment and oh so unlistened to... AND the foreverness of GOD in that nature of pursuance of you personally recognising the weaknesses and tenderly picking you out and lifting you New Born soul up High the Forevermoment of your Baptism... does this make sense... as we go on through life so often we find ourselves in that spot and all we need to do is to remind ourselves that GOD HAS SPOKEN those WORDS ... REMAIN IN ME REMEMBER WHAT I HAVE TAUGHT WHAT I HAVE SPOKEN TO YOU! the route 1 of goal celebrations as it were..

so when i was ponderously hanging aropund after chiurch thinking to GOD GOD what's next... mog is buying and it's coffee in town.... as we both smoke we sit outside ... mog goes in to get coffee and me i is staring at the big wide world and a word comes to me ... there across the road there is someone sititng feeling very sorry for themselves ... and i has a word.... but i is thinking ..i'll just wait ... mog comes back i need the loo come back and... oh no person is gone.... i should'v... shouting out oh no i sitdown explainiung what just came to me and what the word was...   behind mog is a guy and i see over mogs shoulder this guy is completely transfixed with what i is saying... i clock on that they are asian/middleeastern you know that kindov feel and kindov feel that Jesus has a heart for you fits probs here too... that guy can't seem to stop hanging around us even though he goes inside etc he comes back....  we hang out and wait.... i find myself praying for all sorts of people and even a pigeon with a poorly foot you know a claw foot and lookin not especially good condition that seems to like under my chair.... then mog goes in for refills... and some new folks arrive taking up the free seats they keep asking if the other seat  mog's is free i keep bemusedly saving the seat when the woman asks if there is a seat free you are welcome to join us .. i don't think that mog will mind and mog blood y well shouldn't if mog does...  mog comes out sees the woman and grins meaningfully at me i smile back.....   




well we sat outside i waited alone for a while then... well second coffee... and a woman comes along needs a seat i invite her to join us  and attempt to chat.... for want of something better to say i say we have been to church and are hanging out.... turns out which is what i suspected... GOD's APPOINTMENT.... she is unchurched believer unable to walk far enough to actually get to her local church .....ooooh how many folks have that.... i offer to pray so i kneel on the pavement! and pray she welcomes that WOWOWOWOW! mog eventually gives a word .... and that clearly strikes a nerve one that misunderstands mog's intentions... she leaves thanking me and glaring at mog.... who takes it all in good grace... now me i was expecting other stuff to happen but hey that's quite enough excitement.... the waiting on GOD is an important lesson in itself.....  ah yes earlier in the week i was wondering about all this mog is excited i am feeling excited and the important people in the church are excited and they are talking about it mog is elevated from no mention to on everyone's lips ... and i am thinking .... do i really want to be discussed like this ... a bit of me thainks fat chance with this lot and a bit of me thinks oh no.... in some ways this is the exciting part of streetstuff ... you see they is nowhere to be seen they goes about in cars and buses they looks down on everyone and that's kindov default position.... it is a fear position.... it is a Spiritual pride position ... it is a control position and somehow the last thing they is believing that GOD is kindov saying nowhere is safer than in my hands but when one has built Rapunzels ivory tower why shoudl one worry about niceties about GOD... in truth though i guess that is a sort of lesson of learning that the backbiting and bitchy nature of church even the nice church is an uncomfrotably uncomfortable church.... is not a place to get too comfy in not without eyes wide open...  the trouble is we can get overwhelmed by our own comfort features and care not a less about someone else's discomfort at our comfort position.... this is the church it is defined as it is defined....  more of this anon...



--------

in the evening attended an anglican Healing service.....   oh dear... me i slunk in the back .... i really did not get on with the ritual ....  the guided walk...   or the necessary emphasis on it's all up to you or so a possible misreading would seem.....   BUT i also did not want to get in the way of what would seem to be for those who needed or took to this format... still what i could not argue with was a strong sense of the Holy Spirit... and apparently missed a bit of a brawl between some folks wanting to lead the thing.... which upset at least one person.... now who wants to be boss?.....  as i was arriving there was someone roaming the streets having a strop about people's general inability to deal with the refuse.... they were taking it very personally but they were actually physically picking up rubbish and one way and another..... and shouting .. me i thought hey it would be cool if they just came into this Healing Service... sadly they did not...

for some reason i am yet again the last person to be thrown out... hang out with a fag everyone really has left staring into space.... as the last there i have rescued some flower decorations that would be thrown away... thinking hey i want to go into town and then i can just leave them someplace for someone randomly to find or .....  i also think hey i can go and now i have not visited soandso after church in the pub for a while so off i set getting some fags on the way.... i come out of the shop round the next corner and bang! find myself in near collision with a person from the.....

(so far.... some time ago this person was in such a state physically and emotionally oh how i wanted to pray for them... they were not having any of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  so i sat close by them and prayed anyway.....  didn't see them for a while then over the past several weeks or so began to see them (street rough sleeping) carefully prayed without engaging with them..... then three days in a row saw them something seemed a little different... then one day after church you know one of those encouraging folks to go out and engage.. i walked down one road and they were coming up the same road... i ventured to say hi and chatted can't recall how conversation began they were very chatty indeed and as a picture of aspuiration emerged i said i'm a christian and just burst into prayer... they were really touched by this and i was moved ......  )

so i say hi thankfully remembering their name... i offer them some of the flowers i have two small bouquets... and they say they want to take one to put up where their sibling died they name a time when i know where we both were.....    i feel shocked... as well as they seem so calm telling the story .... AS WELL AS they are going on a programme that if successfull will get them housed... they are under no illusions about tjhat being challenge....   (well that i remember is what i prayed about last time  so praise the Lord.... and they agree that GOD is GOOD our Jesus and all that!).... off they go with some more prayers etc......  and me there was me wanting to Bless some random person.... i feel sad and alone i am going to catch up with said friend and then i am going to take the other flowers to where the sibling died....   said freind is not where i thought they would be ... but someone formerly of my church is there so kind of reluctantly catchup.... chat for a while about the art and meaning and alternative of not listening to sermons......   we are interruppted.....   by this person wants to leave...  and has spotted someone they need to ..... there is a fabulous  aquarium in view.... so i stare at it not entirely sure why i don't just go.....  i study it for some time there is something about this little space a kind of oasis of activity.... where you really do need a 10 second memory not to get bored or have perpetual deja vue if you are one of the inhabitants....  eventually i stop and i have this rare and bizarre experience it's like i have had a Spiritual experience and with my thoughts i believe i have......  i feel a real inner sense of peace!!!!!!!  wow!!!   now that is Healing! ok gottago say bye to the person who is by now still there but no longer talking to that person....  i am asked about the flowers .....  oh!? with some reluctance i tell them and am utterly astonished !!!!  this person themselves does a project and they really feel a heart for the people.... i never would have thought... but Jesus knew!... i go alone in the dark to the location... and indeed already there three modest attempts to show that it mattered~(i confess i .....) that someone was no more in tragic and premature circumstances... i feel very moved and add my bouquet with prayers well what does one say....

[ecuworrier]

going back to the anglican Healing Service...

i went cos i had heard about it and i knew one of the folks organising they had asked if folks had wanted to be part of the Ministry team but me hey they wanted that the team members had prayed and fasted before hand ... i wasn't sure if i was fasting or not when i had not eaten at about 4pm with a bit more time to go....  i asked GOD .. at first it seemed like i was not eating even touching food was well weird but something was botheing me eventually i pray hard GOD what do you want and i find myself tucking into some grub sorted i am not meant to be part of the Ministry team.....   anyhows though i could of arrived in good enough time to be a part i dawdle then am late of course!.... so i slink in at the back....   why am i here ? in my mind i am looking to learn... but on arrival i look at the backs of folks hear the person at the front and find an even further back seat! i cannot deal with stuff somehow... the orderliness of everything.. the neat rows of chairs ... somehow after the encounter on the street with a distressed and disturbed person screeching about the rubbish on the street and ferrying back and forth to pick stuff up throw it in people's yards etc....  it was quite shocking cos it did not seem to have an ending... though familiar with the areas i had never seen this here or anywhere else!... i didn't have the courage to ask them to come in ... i hoped they would... i didn't especially want to end up in some completely out of control situation with this strange person this stranger... and yet inside the church .. well i confess i had already forgotten the person but something of the tidyness within .. it would not have been appropriate... to the tidyness within... there was a guest and the Holy Spirit was about i think we all felt that even me at the back...  i despair right now at the reminiscence ... but the truth is that the character of the whole service was not really for the loose behaviour of a person out of control... so who was it for? me?....  i just couldn't get into the old hymns... how far i have come in such a short time that i have an allergy to the old familiar hymns ... i could not sing that stuff...

i have i declared recently to my pastor and a third person that i have an allergy to religious folk (pastor had just done one of pastor's hip comments about religious folks)  but added ... to include religious talk....  it has me well kindof screamin and turnin off .. a bit like the person and the rubbish in the street....  though the turnin off comes quick enough once i start to huff and puff....   my pastor winced a little.... for all the hipness of the stuff we have in common we disagree on sooo much!...

i was wondering if the pastor would be there well pastor was nowhere to be seen...  endorsed this event?  it was supposed to be kosher the guest was clearly accepted in anglican circles....

the familiar stuff and the not so familiar stuff... the familiar was the same faces the same routines the same heirarchies... a man would speak and speak he did....  me i had to switch off ... there was me asking what am i doing here what am i supposed to learn here if Lord i want to learn from you... somehow i was caught up in some trap....   someone who i had a familiar falling out with in the general public great! was there we had not resolved....  is resolution really the right event... in terms of what needs to happen before two people who aren't especially in the zone for a brawl but who well what exactly....  i immediately felt relief that any feelings of controversy was not being tested.... ie what they post brawl would think about me being on the Ministry team...  but that was hardly resolution... i knew a number of others on the team....  and saddest of all the question what i was doing there seeing i didn't quite run away was ... i watched and didn't really want to be.... what it's that word integrity.... it came up in conversation about some activity that i had not done cos i couldn't do it with integrity.... it was somehow quite painful......   but hey Jesus did speak to me in this but did i listen... i am trying LORD...


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

big sigh... tick tock the clock clocks on .... its all a question of timing.....  what is everything is especially music whatever the feel..... been on that tour today... it's felt frustrating..... and actually i think.... well it's most annoying cos someone has not been practising and now is well fed up what a waste of a day..!!! in truth i didn't practise too hard cos well our day was a bit reorganised... which we knew in advance.... and the old temptations creeping in the trimelessness of timality the primal instinct to be on time ! ready everything be prepared!.... for what well if you don't know then just be prepared for anything for everything! it's silly but it's clear willy nilly has to rhyme to satisfy the time.. is that it? music is weird we talk about language like we understand in the same way as we do the rest of things  but surely if we did then would we really need all those props and wouldn't we be able to piece things together from the bits left here there and everywhere all that sound and breath and things?

well so being prepared for a strange day meant that i didn't practise cos i didn't need to?  well no actually i was made to feel silly...  cos actually no i had sat there last night and said i cna't be bothered disrupted week sulk hard and sleep!  did i use that i hadn't practised? no actually i used that i had practised... and that's the point? if i had practised more?

meanwhile had to contend with sound and more sound of speaking mostly and some lessons ... it was weird though so much deja vue people in context out of context..... and that time thing again the same lessons different people the same lessons.... you have to take notes write that down.... and then you look at what you have 'transcribed' and within rules you play... i talked to a journalist ... and we talked about the accuracy of language the rules being that before the rules there were no rules ... so why do we need all that rules and regulations... if i sigh and say that's just convention it's up to you what you do with it... why does GOD's LAW follow those paths? rather than something along the lines of newtonian physics the either or of whether the boulder lands on your toe....  When Jesus (sermon on the mount) says it's not what goes into a man that counts it's what comes out Jesus ain't kidding.... i am reminiscing on the contents of the inside of my head going down the street on the whole before being rescued from the swamp i dealt with what was there now i am rescued sometimes i feel really embarrassed especially when we think of Jesus... is that why christians you know the ones that wash behind theri ears don't actually think of Jesus? or try to talk? ...  no it's what's in the head too now wash your mouth out


it really is the timing that counts and GOD is good at
GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

 

[ecuworrier]

a nice short one? hopes

short one ergo not much Faith about ? not much of GOD...? mulching through late nights practice not practice GOD bothered day....   well continuing on from yesterdays was.....  thinkin about that 'if anyone could read my mind-is one thing- but help! i is a Christian....' GOD helped me out i had to go to the laundrette not a favourite chore... bumped into someone i know from muso in the past... we chat briefly and i recall there was ... yes an eye infection/sty i recommended salt water bathing and i prayed.... apparently it took an age to clear up.... everyone was (cept me and apparently the dr.... ) recommending the big squeeze...  it took an age to sort out... i am left feeling a little deflated.....  ah yes reminds me...


back to Sunday the pigeon i mentioned fluttered under my chair and stayed a while then flauttered away but came back and looked set to stay for ever... so i was just praying for it.....   when a person with several dogs walked past the dogs were to a dog mellow! the bird sheltered under my chair with my legs between the bird and dogs ... it took sudden flight brushing my leg as it went..... the dogs were just not interested... those are not proper dogs i shouted....   a bit later i noticed a pigeon in picture health not far from us... now was it the same bird ... i honestly cannot graphically say!...   however i did feel GOD was showing me /... well something!

back to the laundrette.... i am alone with the stuff in the dryer in two dryers sitting nearer one i pray and i reflect.... how many prayers are we allowed in one day? i mean like the genie in the bottle you know those 'make a wish situations'.... well GOD let's us have endless prayers... and you know what though i prayed for the drying of my clothes.....  the two sets ... one of them actually was dryer than usual is GOD GOOD ?