... the er ... lent blog 2011(cont'd)

[ecuworrier]

oo....
 no computter for a few days

so trying to recall..... starting with last Thursday...

well... my pernicious frustration with christians got the better of me... result well i could at least do the maunday thursday vigil jhuh!?  arrived at church late.... stood outside just could not quite get myself to go inside... i was tired thirsty and hungry perfect for a vigil on the one hand but ... i got a sarnie and sat in the church garden... would they have had snacks along with them ....remembering the enthusiasm of someone previously for scenting the garden with flowers with scent.... it was thoughtfully made a special place and there was something of that hue... it was quiet serene and even though the gate was open and folks were about nobody else was there... somehow i prefered this though, come on even peter had company though no-one had anyone to make sure they stayed awake... having just youself has its advantages...  there was something about feeling like one was in the garden of gethsemsane lightly lit from around i looked out on it thinking there is no physical sight of Jesus and it felt a bit daft really ... i wondered though what would Jesus have been praying about and there ... i thought of the once and for all time theme that changed lives for everyone and i guess i prayed for that one... i was aware that there was planned some kindof passion play amongst some folks and i was aware i was gonna miss this i had stuff i had to be elsewhere for..... i felt on the one hand torn but on the other hand there was something about the once and for all time that made all this kindov irrelevant.. i mean yes it is important for some folks it certainly will loop in folks that have a GOD background and are somehow someplace else... writing now i think of the film Jesus of Montreal there is something poignant about the impact of Jesus on the person playing Jesus who is not a believer to start with then starts finding they start acting weird like some of the stuff going on in the world and the church just has this weird effect on him and he starts getting all involved .. i like that theme that playing Jesus once and for all time for him it certainly was so as he has  a short life and become an organ donor to keep the spirits up for other folks... that kindov impact ... saving lives quality of lives that is the business of Jesus that you can become someone just by taking on body parts of another the miracles of modern medicine superimposed on the fluidity of composition of Jesus Christ of the Saviour ... it was a shockingly poignant film in that respect ... but for us that shelve our beliefs for another time it's all well part of the course GOD warriors we ain't Christ livers we aint and the whole scene of landscape of GOD as GOD falls with impartiality on  the world Heaven above to earth a dominion supreme to come and render not just the validity of alternative human laws but the actuality a Dominion to die for... if i hear one more christian talk about the afterlife as something to look forward to while getting on quite nicely with the skin we is on...

eventually i left the garden and on my way home passed another church one or two were leaving i though ok i'm in on this one... i open the door to find the church leader peering at me ... i ask if i have missed the vigil... turns out i have ... ah well i say Jesus is still up still waiting for our attention ... and go home hardly pleased with myself for that remark.... still i resolve to go to church the next day to our service...

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

Friday morning GOOD FRIDAY.... it was a long day i had been up late asked GOD to wake me at 8 i woke at 8 and then went back to sleep and then had 8 minutes to get me to the church on time... i had i confess been dragging my feet on this all week as someone had announced their engagement to someone else in the church previous week and then followed by invite to celebrate said engagement after church a picnic.... hey it should be fun .. buyt me hey is completely unenthused... look at the end of the day let GOD do a Good Job of what GOD wants to do with all that!  but don't count me on on the feeling enthusiastic about it...   i'm pretty protective of the folks i know who are getting engaged .. i wants the best for them and when i don't quite see that though i can still see the value and importance of that relationship stuff well it can look to me a bit like it's jhuman stuff and me has no reason to be watching for the Glory of GOD   ... well sometimes it feels like GOd sets folks up with promises plans experiences and stuff and sometimes all they can see is their desire to get hitched and i'm not saying that there isn't value in stuff... but hey today been hearing some stories and there is a metaphore in this.... here goes one person has a passion for something that they had in their youth they gets married the spouse then says you is not gonna do that! so the person stops .... and it is not until the spouse dies that the person is able to do stuff again and so the person at a seriously impressive age is well into it!... and those who take witness they sits their and both marvels at them for what they is doin at theri age as well as sits and critiques with no real appreciation for a life worth living... tha tpassion is what keeps them going strong!.. on another hand is the very moving account from another who had a passion for something but the spouse was having nowt of that to the extent that they.... well me said why didn't they leave .... and they said for the sake of holding family together for the kids sake but as soon as they was old enough  they was loosed out... and is now happily married to spouse number 2.....  and able to do the stuff that well....  i can't help feeling that those constraints are lurking in peoples marriages where GOD is concerned too .. and i guess i has to give up fighting about that one cos GOD has many a plan B.... it's just frustrating to see well what i see... anyhows i did turn up just in time as it happens for church that is cos they started late.... and me i looked in on the company present and just had to lurk outside .... i couldn't do the liturgy that everyone said together and i couldn't take communion the way they did and i could not feel enthusiastic about the sermon.... here goes it's about refereencing of the two thieves on the cross... now me i feel the christians likes to see things this way:

there was the good thief and the bad thief.... the good theif was good cos he knew he had been  bad ... and he recognised Jesus' innocence and JEsus' Sovereignty that Jesus was at least something very special with ... the theif thus understands the crucifixion better than anyone it is about setting free even though Jesus does not get off his cross and set jhim free....   now why did GOD not do that?.... well GOD did in a way GOD got Jesus off the hook but not before He done the Atonement...

the other guy is gbad bad bad and bad and he is going to hell...

but we don't know anything and not to know anything is a bit more liberating don't you think.....  the thing is Jesus is the Lord that saves  and Jesus is deeper than any of us Jesus knows not just our own thoughts but the others too... and Jesus says nothing about hell for the other guy....   and christians generally like the above model of those that is saved and those that is going tyo hell wonder why!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

gottago

[ecuworrier]

so where was i ah yes Good Friday grumblings about choich...   it was actually quite enjoyable ... the problem jhas to be with me somewhere

soooo.... got home found myself having missed walk of witness some christians returning invite me to lunch on Sunday this gesture of Grace i am touched by ... just when i was thinking they didn't like me anymore!... i have to say though that the formality of lunch fills me with anxiety...  sit down meal and polite society .. they do bear with me and can themselves be quite impolite which is cool...  i am having an anxiety being around christians it has to be said at the minute not entirely sure where all that comes from... anyhows GOD helps me i am due someplace else and guess what i is late! but gets there in the end.... later that night having struggled with humbled pie i was running as fast as i could!.... i have the luxury of tv and making the most of it when someone comes in .... they've been to bed and they have got up again cos of some sort of pain ... do they normally have this have they had it before etc well no... i smile to myself thinking GOD thing!...i sit and pray out loud ... the pain has gone

we chat about faith i am envied for my faith i talk a bit about that tell a story or two ... it's an interesting kindov situation ... here am i on the one hand kind of in this dark hole this space between church reason and this searching or just being terriblfyf intellectual terribly clever and not really authentic about anything?  well quite possible all of those things .... but i cannot get away from the fact that here i am in this dark place of rebelliousness that i can justifuy perfectly with logic but i cannot quite get to dealing with this ... i feel for this judas character sold out for pieces of silver but in order to actually sell out like he did you have to have a sense of what is to be sold out on implicitly you are standing in the dock as accuser so either you believe that sort of thing ie that Jesus had His just deserts or you are accepting the role by proxy ... was Judas that thick... i mean you can almost understand the actions of Esauh and the soup cos he weren't too bright on a banana at least his actions showed he weren't thinking things through and then he got all stroppy afterwards! well who does not feel enraged except for those of us who believe in means for an end... judas did he think things through ? or did a bit of silver and a promise of what he could do with it ... he's like many folks you meet who've done a bit of this and that ... haven't we all is one currency when it comes to possessions and prospects one thing but a lie or two huh that's another matter or a bit of juicy gossip....   it's elemental innit....   we can perfectly understand the notion of punishment where the thieves are concerned they got cazught so they deserve it...  we use this manner of thinking all the time this reading of the Bib le but i think we got it wrong... the one thing that GOD does not do is make mistakes so there is meaning as always beyond the reason of oh well somewhere it says in the ot (hey you know i forgot that one)....  GOD hangs His Son where Hje don't want anyone to go....  He didn't make us that way...  He didn't make us to be hung out to dry.. He wants us to be helpers!.. now that's very mealy mouthed of me where everyone knows a good story of where ... well a quasi Acts situation happens .. oh you know let's stick with Judas since he's round about someplace ... the descriptions of the end of Judas are pretty conclusive ain't they he had it coming to him did he not.... but you know what i don't think that's what GOd wants i can't imagine that is what GOD desires there is no logic to that regardless of what actually happens ....   do i have biblical evidence for this? nothing immediately comes to mind... like i say mealy mouthed preaching without evidence and i can only point towards GOD the Father and say ask Him!

so when later and it was very late and i was begining to wonder why i was up so late... the person came in again the other side was hurting so i prayed again and everyone turned in and i thought of how i preached the Gospel after a fashion a tribute to our lovely Jesus the Living One and felt loved in spite of  that i fvelt embarrassed to be a shining example of my belief ... belief has to be more than just a thought process ....  but i feel disquiet and i am afraid... well that seems to have been Good Friday

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

saturday can't quite recall....  but maybe this is a good place to look at this darkness since we seem to be on a bit of a theme....  a notion springs to mind and suddenly i feel a lightness.....  clash of continents and me i want to stand on the other side of the fence facing the christians who are persecuting.... earlier someone on the radio wassaying something aboujt christians and the law.... they saw the christian as fighting for the right say in public life to run a business where they can employ a gay .....   this was the hope of christianity by a self proffessed non christian... well what woudl they have seen in the Sabbath .... the easy enlightenment the easy tools of thought for the betterment of mankind a worthy cause that surely predates Jesus expression of hope and Faith in the words ... and you shall love your neighbour like yourself.....   GOD provides the missing script the bits we can't quite get our heads around to see or think about seriously and so Jesus addressing the person who asked the question with a crowd hanging around.....   

what does the postenlightenment freethinking and full of a sense of humanity therefore rejecting the churhc as a place where people seem to act out theri various prejudices rather than rid themselves of them the hate factor... so what does GOD say to this? well we can scurry around Scripture or we can earnestly searcvh with all our hearts ....
gottago shortly

[ecuworrier]

third time lucky...  so far i have in midflow at some length had post mysteriously vanish.... followed by oops that's me ... not changing the log in time... and so here am i again... at first i was pretty frustrated... but on my way here i had this reverie.... i know someone who's favorite prayer (and i am glad that it is ) is this: "Come Holy Spirit!"......  and guess what ! one wonders therefore why they don't pray this more often than they do! however don't blame the messenger cos... me i take no further prompting... "Come Holy Spirit!" and even as i am walking along briskly cos it is cold.... i feel a swirling within.... that quite catches my breath ..

now i wasn't writing about this earlier on the contrary i was having a seasoned grumpy.... but walking along i was thinking that apart from me making a pigs ear .. well it was me wot set the settings and am kindof thinking GOD why didn't you remind me without full blown standing there in person arguing the toss... but it made me think then well ok so i discarded attempting to repeat the first post on the grounds that presumably that was not my offering of the day reflecting back to Saturday? and then posted on the bizarre notion of salvation within the church with reference to my own and of course having a good old moan about the church and seemed to have lost that too... as i am writing these words the words 'you are missing the point' and something else come to me so pause a while... i have ample time to have remembered something of last Saturday other than just to investig ...

...well what is the point? "Salvation of the few is what sets in motion Salvation of the many"  "Full Salvation is few and far between" i am missing the point about my own Salvation... taking these two statements together yes i am seriously missing the point if all i can think of is to moan about the Salvation of the many in the context of the church where Salvation is well what discarded as given which it is like in Ezekiel 36 i will water their hearts and turn hearts of stone into flesh....  that we can pray for others sure but aren't we a bit scared in - i'm doing it again.... i have stood a seperate line and even given myself a hard time about it but as with the lost second post where only i could be to blame i have failed to realise relax GOD is in control.... i have felt lonely and that was what i was really writing about it scares me silly and really we are all scared.... it's not of eachother it is of ourselves... imagine the darkness of that dark night when the saviour of israel suffers political execution before any real sorts of action has happened the one that is about overthrow and regime change... no apparently the religious features are in control and they like it so... there is not much written evidence from them so i do not want to overly speculate... but once word got out about Caiaphas! and co....  don't you feel let down? your own freinds brethren kind all that stands in the way.....  of Heaven onto earth.... so why does GOD DO THIS .. a theocracy is stable within the agreements and arrangements that it secures that is worth something surely! a pax romana.... surely the impact and influence that Jesus had would have served well? they dined Him but just could not buy Him off even if they wanted to.. i spoke recently with someone who saw a produced public passion play... it cost tens of thousands of pounds to put on.... what!? we baulked together a part of me finds this in my mind right now like can we actually buy folks into the Kingdom ok let's rephrase that ... if theatre was what it took then surely Jesus would have been a troubador the point is there is a real thing to this so why the substitution... can we not find it within ourselves to be with GOD .... and Salvation .... "mortifies"it brings home suppositions of  defeat disappointment ... we can go through the motions but we can't be real only GOD CAN....

it's my favorite subject and i feel so remote ... from being GOD REAL within me!.. but look how i phrase that you don't need to be real i will for you.. it's promises like this we cannot for ourselves make even though through the course of life we will make these promises time and time again to others  received as promises we can do no more than hope in logical fact ....  where reassurances are needed or so we think... i am reminded of a time where promises were taken seriously look i was not exactly one overflowing with promises but i did my best and failed on my backside and discovered that the actual language the actual word structure really really mattered ... and i failed as i reminisce on one important event i find another and that is an interesting life instruction because it takes me back to me teenage years .... yes this indeed it really does matter end does not justify the means even if both are intentionally best hearted efforts.. i believe this of the Father i expect a complete... i cannot handle the half baked ..... and maybe this is why so many of us half baked as adolescents we rely on the truth we rely on there to be a real truth and a keeper purveyor of this truth we rely on His Honesty so much that we cannot bare to hear it for real? so much that what if... ? i think it matters to a whole lot of people a whole lot more than we care to believe and yet Jesus believes in them GOD the Father sent His only begotten Son not to condemn the world but to save it and we look outside of our eyes to see this without thinking that it matters after all if nobody around us cares that much for us and certanly isn't there to make bone hearted promises without there being some sneaky payoff somewhere for them then how are we to see Salvation to recognise to receive to ask? 

that is why we go to churches so that we can expect someone is up in GOD STAKES where we just do not have the life or the energy....  even a religious person will do....  it's hard to take it's hard to swallow GOD is REAL it's my that's so rubbish with this!


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

i am wondering my sanity...

at the minute one wonders does easter finish when all the chockies are ate ? when the easter eggs are reduced stock in the shops... hmm me i was wondering about that... maybe they should a done royal weddin easter eggs....  are they keepin them till eastern orthodox easter?..

but then with high hopes of all the things i could be getting on with on an unwanted distraction to life of a public holiday i lays my head down and bang 5 hours is goned.....

i was asked yesterday two things in the shop ..... was i gonna watch the royal wedding .... and ....did i go to church on easter sunday... the person knew i had mentioned church previously.... the former got a bang of irritation..... and the second got a well it did strike a chord ... no i had not but i explained that i had gone on Good Friday which very nearly did not happen... the culture of our church though hmmm... many folks disappear to non-religious environmnets and there was a time when i found this surprising... i mean if one is not where one normally is then surely one can do the exciting thing of going to church where there is one nearby...well this isn't always what the doctor ordered... or the number of folks that don't come/go to chuirch cos they has visitors to take care of...  i never used to understand this ....

for me on this occasion it would have meant well a choice of a religious service or at least in theory a   church what would say it would feel akin to mine... neither of which i had any enthusiasm for i mean i am at that point where i am feeling i understand all that now... and it makes no odds somehow the folks is the same whether they is religious or say they is non religious .... it is nice to be around Spirit fille dpeople though simply cos they not only surprise me they look like they surprise themselves and that is fun ! i mean ministering to the stranger without the tickbox jargon and me at the back of my mind thinking but shall i tell them.... but the point is that GOD knows and that is all that matters!....   eother way i might have plummed for sneaking in the back somewhere and hidden in a cupboard or under a table and just flaked out out of sight out of mind and just whistfulled through the occasion....  now do you think that church mice and the like get a better life out of sneaking around undetected  within a church as opposed to relying totally on GOD in the wild? do you think that they sneaking in the crumbs under the table come out holier than thou... i think this is an important question cos if the answer is yes then we should really try harder to leave the doors open a little bit longer and it makes church somehow worthwhile...effort for the salvation of spiders deathwatch beetles and the like and other animals of course!

but hey me i wake up just as the house is emptying they has already given up on me which is a bit embarrassing and ... but i find some Blessed moments can the non religious ever quite get the Resurrection?....   well there it was ... well almost ... hand painted eastereggs and some chockies that was too early for and the Blessing of LOVE right there on the kitchen table .... and a smiling semblance of GOD IS IN THE HOUSE and is totally BEAUTIFUL and ALL LOVING i felt hujmbled...

later the socialities it takes an age to come to terms with choich i don't recall reference to Jesus somewhere maybe it's just a beautiful human to human time and a relaxing day some worship snuck in there somewhere....

GOD LOVES YOU TOO

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

GOD is good and people is absolutely crap.... i find myself muttering not too audibly but thoroughly heart and rational brain felt...'the innglish are ****' as i sit in the pub watching my team lose the footie it;'s not that alone that is annoying what is though.... listening to these arseholes i gather i am not surrounded by a red mist of the opposition supporters but the expediennt few that i asked GOD to Bless these arseholes my enemies more so than any other opposition team well actually yes i know a few and i cannot respect them i dislike even the ones that i would otherwise like... i am becoming a blooming misanthrope there is nothing about the supporters of my team that automates them to likeable status on the contrary that's why i like to watch on my own.... i don't liek people very much...

you must be feeling that chuirch today was dismal and everything imaginable went wrong well hardly unless you count the snapping off of an arm of my sunglasses....   is it possible someone thinks to think clever i have no doubt of that somehow!....  however ...though my thick sleeping bag of isolation and alientation wanders through many conversations..... mog is tired out too...  but not misanthropic.... 

well the two other reportable stuffs really happened around my bus travel... all they both do is give weight to feelings of hatred and despisement of mankind i would not really make a good Jesus somehow and right at these moments i'm having that sort of day you know what... i'm not sure that i want .. i don't think i want to love despicable and pathetic characters... to freedom somehow ....

i am up early i catch the bus all early find myself on this bus am just kindov enjoying the experience behind my sun glasses staring vacantgly out of the window when someone deliberately sits next to me ... i look up... GOD's Choice to place what looks to me like a no contest pedo who having chosen to sit next to me rather than go upstairs stares at the kiddies... me i go back to my staring out of the window and just pray and continue to pray.... now i did think of removing myself ... but thought it was GOD's choice for things to be so... and the person did themselves escape from me praying tongues under my breath for want of knowing what to do....  i is glad to get off of the bus... there is something perverse on this person...

catching the bus home: other forms of perversion seems to be the order of the day... made worse by you see i didn't need to catch this bus or even go in that direction made worse by that i could of gone sunglasses shopping instead! i stood at the stop and GOD made sure that there was a great lull before the next bus ....  and then came along a guy in a wheelchair ... well there is me wondering shoudl i talk to that guy and i ask him if he is catching the bus ... maybe something about  the potential difficulty of attracting the busdriver's attention from a wheelchair back on the pavement sold it for me to stay.... eventually i am asked what time the next bus is due ... and we have watched a number take the opposite direction..... so you know GOD has plans... well GOD ..... so he asks me if i am a man or a woman... he has a foreign accent....  i don't mind that one but he seems completely determined to ask some questions i find really intrusive for the casual conversatuin at a busstop....  so what do i find out... well he is from a country that he might not feel welcome to grow up in as a catholic... he occasionally goes to actholic chhurch even though he clearly doesn't know the name of the one he mentions but i do....   he wants to know if i am single or married ...  i  i have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.....i don't like men ?.. (too fff-ing right son!) i avoid answering it that would have had to result eventually in me pushing over his wheelchair to make a point that seems utterly natural and compelling to any inteligent freethinking and loving person but is completely unbelievable to men (they make swords for their own bed there..)... that they are simply well ....  i just leave everything on Jesus and explain or try to that Jesus is just better than sliced bread somewhere well men aren't.... oh and am not that interested in relationships on a more appropriate and proper standing right now..... i tried to explain how that ..  how that i look on the married folks in the church and don't see the point ..... didn't see how this had anything to do with living Jesus ......    the bus thankfully finally arrives i go upstairs.... at the final destination near some shops .... i get off ... i don't need to but me i is ... well...  and wait... upatairs on the bus ...i have been thinking aboujt i originally kindov wanted to offer to pray really.....  i leave the guy with a streetstuff card ....  he wants my phonenumber ...  explain i really am only interested in fleeting moments of Grace.... i feel sick  i leave thinking i walk away him squalking ....  me i am feeling rather violated......    this christianity stuff.....   i feel bound by the way i feel it is right eventually to have the freedom to set everyone free... that's what Jesus did without exception but me ...  but already i am thinking christiantiy is hard work as i fend off enq

or is it straightforward christianity stuff....  that is the point that deserves attention the deception stuff  the biblical morrass of notions of stuff that makes no logic to the Gospel whatsoever!  i say this confidently cos all this 'biblical living' that folks does makes f-all difference to the impact of what would be a Gospel of evangelism the pouring out of the LOVE OF GOD..... the transforming of nations.... well it is all GOD's earth....  birthright or earthright birth to be free or a watered down fantasy version like the oos and ahs of the it shouldov been me royal wedding.... it's what it all comes down to... and while i am viewing my misanthropic holiday pics and hating everyone and not watning to identify anywhere with this or that lot or attachment or stuff!...  GOD is somewhere claiming me to GOD'sself and .. well it's GOD's earth i will send you where i will... now that's sane .... the belonging to no-one but Jesus the attachment to non other

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

the heaven and hell thing....

it seems hell is something to believe in for at least some christians...  and me i finds it starkly bizarre... pondering on this somewhat involuntarily ... well i was feelin pretty fed-up...  and kind of bringing a whole pila stuff to a single apex...  the experience of hell ....   who is in control of its design.... well we have plenty of referencing in the Bible to wars and unpleasantries....  modern day believers are fascinated by near death and not quite but scared out of wits end stories where folks describe being taken to hell.... and us spiteful bunch are pretty fond of telling folks they is goin to hell unless....  or thinking about folks goin to hell ... the whole endtimes dialogue is pretty scarey too... so when a christian comes along.. and then gets cosy with some pretty interesting thoughts.. that everyone is going to hell unless they are saved and christians either get completely hysterical about what will become of their instransigent loved ones and or complete indifference... i know there is a sign and that is this that GOD's LOVE is someplace well distant at times from the frameworks of thinking but what is going on in those hearts....  Jesus has some stories and parables of gnashing of teeth and who knows what else... and a seperateness of those believers on the basis of what they have done.... not all who call me Lord etc.... i have found on my church travels these passages remerakably blotted out at times after all we don't want having folks upset with unnecessary self doubt and all that...

all the stories of folks being showed what hell is like have a story ending .....  at least the ones i have heard... asnd that is this Jesus comes and rescues!... they repent and all is well and they go onto tell their stories... sooo is the question of the validation of hell a real one.... this whole eternity thing?  look i is no expert but i was kindov pondering on the sorts of stuff that we would include as notions of hell ....like war persecution spite suffering emotional and physical and all that....   and everyone has their personal notions of what's the worst thing that can happen.... so if one was to design hell say in Brave New World has a version..... that you are completely terrified of ....   and magnify that umpteen times aND then stick an eternity sticker on it ... that would be pretty close wouldn't it?  it occurs to me as a thought (not entirely thought out) that the kinds of thing we are really scared of are things that are threatening and we have absolutely no control of or belief in being rescued out of....  but hang on a minute are these not suppositions of our status as physical biological entities as well as emotional ones sense of identity Spirituality even  necessarily conditional on being physical beings here on earth ... why on earth should we presuppose to expect that the substance of those notions will be composite of the afterlife as such....  and as such will be what to expect and therefore be a powerful stick.... the thing is ... in real life the threat of punishment whether actual or perceived ain't gonna get a whole lot of listening in a whole host of circumstances ... imagine the gurgling child crawling towards a hot iron for example.....   or just the 'stuff that attitude' or the red mist moments....   so how is this crime and punishment attitude with the threat of an eternal afterlife gonna have the remotest logic in terms of the humans who then get their tickboxes from their ability to be socialised into that happy band of brothers what makes up the chuirch and it's adjuncts miscellaneous as they sometimes appear..... it seems a pretty invective way of dealing with things i might say... but i think for me the main point or portion thereof is the irrationality of things that give us here on earth fear of our lives that that must somehow  be justification of hell .... as concept and existence... me i find folkls in the church who go on about hell in 2001 a little tiresome... i mean stuff like eating ryebread infected with ergot or having a bad trip on some drugs... i mean aren't all thsi perception of horror or terror stuff is dependent on how our biological features function (and culturally too.. in terms of interpretation... i mean someone having halluciantions or nightmares will appear pretty scarey and pretty real and after all many spiritual based cultures rely on the spiritual experience and wisdom of the few including at times the use of hallucinogens or fasting (creating an altered physiological state.... of no food and breakdown of existing physical structures including reserves in order to keep going) .. whilst someone else will just be looking on and saying 'you're having a bad trip!'......   all this perception and interpretation within a structure that is inherently unstable and about to fall apart any minute now unless of course GOD or nature has something to say about it.....   that sense of Creation that sense of GOD-ness something beyond us....  does Jesus actually promise a state of hell or does the whole hell thing have any spiritual function and i say this meaning in terms of Spiritual.....  it is true that when the Spiritual antennae are opened we certainly see things differently and we can indeed see some pretty grotesque and ghastly stuff at times .... but what has this to say about the afterlife? me what i would say though is it has plenty to show us about Heaven onto earth stuff the Rule of Heaven onto earth...

but when the body has fallen off what will we then see..... and with what for eyes? what will bother us then if anything..


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

i gottago now   

[ecuworrier]

still limping along here slightly bemused and not entirely sure where i am going ......

i have been feeling myself a little hysterical at times..... the Blessing however of GOD was rich at a prayer meeting on Monday evening.... it was nice to find i is not the only person thoroughly fed up of the mundanity and focus of attention of church makes one wonder about the whole thing about ritual.... surely if one goes to church every week one is keepin up with church and supporting that as an institution... but what if that is somehow not quite doin it ... surely this is Hallelujah territory... i think GOD is doing stuff.... i felt squished my feet went numb... that was completely marvellous!  it just felt like GOD meant business and when that happens it reveals yet more that needs sorting!... i had a GOD appointment sorted for me yesterday... i was listening to someone waiting for a sufficient pause to leave for a fag ... eventually i made it outside... there i was that much needed atmosphere when suddenly..... i was really annoyed some voices right there a coupla folks shouting much louder than was required .... and so it continued .... until one of them resolved the irritation they were on theri way for an appointment! and then i knew GOD IS IN CONTROL!

[ecuworrier]

i have just seen the weirdest advert or well... it was for something to do with book miracles and Reinhardt Bonnke which had me running for the hills and my private studio here with a view out of the window...one imagines... and i try to recollect where have i.... no this is a perfectly formed another place another time moment.... looking out onto the hills don't ask me where i am.... a solitary cabin with a view there's a tended garden so i doubt i am the land owner.... but ther is something about the moody silence of a mountain retreat even if it's only imagined the way the clouds curl and sag as they lumber through the skies ....there's a heaviness of the breath of wind saturated with cold sweat... what can anyone be listening to but some sophisticated music... that tbh am a little disappointed with.... thinking about... somehow GOD isn't the first to mind other than Reinhardt Bonnke hmmm memories.... and a dealing with this sense of claustrophobia... GOD gave me a GOD appointment earlier just in case i was thinking of being anywhere else... i could have done bettere....  i was sitting on a bench having a fag preoccupied with the towing and froing around me when someone came along who i did recognise who GOD had got me to me meet last year .. GOD is cool... they were limping .... so i asked what had happened.... indeed an injury ... one of those bizarre unexpected accidents one cannot possibly design to happen so one never quite expects to take precautions... i offer to pray for them... they say yes so i do... the thing is though i hestitated not to ask and not to pray but to get up off of my bench to kneel and hands on pray... i promised to carry on praying... this is not quite what the doctor asked for somehow.... i am enjoying this though... this you think it's you making the decisions when actually GOD is asking of you more and you quite enjoy it so why complain... do you know whqt i areally am not complainging  i just feel LOVED and all fluffed up fluffy bear...


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

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