Message #823

[EliB]

BBC Breakfast has revisited this oft-debated issue this morning.

The two mums who were debating the issue saw the issue in almost diametrically opposed lights, but they seemed to agree on an issue that I'm not sure I've heard raised before in this debate - that children respond very much to how they see their parents' interaction and attitude to each other and that young girls especially base their self-esteem on how they see their mother being treated by their father.

To me this makes two additional points - we men have a massive influence in how our children turn out, perhaps even more so than has been suggested in the past, and that therefore a huge responsibility rests on our shoulders.  Secondly, those mothers who bring up well-balanced children single-handedly having been deserted by the children's father(s), do an incredibly difficult job.

There is evidence, Andy, that girls who see their mum being abused by their dad (or dad substitute!) can grow up believing that that's how men treat woman and they see it as acceptable and expected, therefore their self-esteem suffers greatly.....similarly wee boys who see their dad abuse their mum think that that's acceptable too and their view of girls and women is affected by this.....don't get me wrong - I'm in NO WAY saying that boys who have seen this behaviour as kids and who go on to abuse partners as adults have an excuse - they don't! But education needs to start early - which is why organisations like **** Crisis and Women's Aid go into schools - to educate boys AND girls - because they don't always, sadly, get that education at home!