Message #1202

[ecuworrier]

GOD is good and people is absolutely crap.... i find myself muttering not too audibly but thoroughly heart and rational brain felt...'the innglish are ****' as i sit in the pub watching my team lose the footie it;'s not that alone that is annoying what is though.... listening to these arseholes i gather i am not surrounded by a red mist of the opposition supporters but the expediennt few that i asked GOD to Bless these arseholes my enemies more so than any other opposition team well actually yes i know a few and i cannot respect them i dislike even the ones that i would otherwise like... i am becoming a blooming misanthrope there is nothing about the supporters of my team that automates them to likeable status on the contrary that's why i like to watch on my own.... i don't liek people very much...

you must be feeling that chuirch today was dismal and everything imaginable went wrong well hardly unless you count the snapping off of an arm of my sunglasses....   is it possible someone thinks to think clever i have no doubt of that somehow!....  however ...though my thick sleeping bag of isolation and alientation wanders through many conversations..... mog is tired out too...  but not misanthropic.... 

well the two other reportable stuffs really happened around my bus travel... all they both do is give weight to feelings of hatred and despisement of mankind i would not really make a good Jesus somehow and right at these moments i'm having that sort of day you know what... i'm not sure that i want .. i don't think i want to love despicable and pathetic characters... to freedom somehow ....

i am up early i catch the bus all early find myself on this bus am just kindov enjoying the experience behind my sun glasses staring vacantgly out of the window when someone deliberately sits next to me ... i look up... GOD's Choice to place what looks to me like a no contest pedo who having chosen to sit next to me rather than go upstairs stares at the kiddies... me i go back to my staring out of the window and just pray and continue to pray.... now i did think of removing myself ... but thought it was GOD's choice for things to be so... and the person did themselves escape from me praying tongues under my breath for want of knowing what to do....  i is glad to get off of the bus... there is something perverse on this person...

catching the bus home: other forms of perversion seems to be the order of the day... made worse by you see i didn't need to catch this bus or even go in that direction made worse by that i could of gone sunglasses shopping instead! i stood at the stop and GOD made sure that there was a great lull before the next bus ....  and then came along a guy in a wheelchair ... well there is me wondering shoudl i talk to that guy and i ask him if he is catching the bus ... maybe something about  the potential difficulty of attracting the busdriver's attention from a wheelchair back on the pavement sold it for me to stay.... eventually i am asked what time the next bus is due ... and we have watched a number take the opposite direction..... so you know GOD has plans... well GOD ..... so he asks me if i am a man or a woman... he has a foreign accent....  i don't mind that one but he seems completely determined to ask some questions i find really intrusive for the casual conversatuin at a busstop....  so what do i find out... well he is from a country that he might not feel welcome to grow up in as a catholic... he occasionally goes to actholic chhurch even though he clearly doesn't know the name of the one he mentions but i do....   he wants to know if i am single or married ...  i  i have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.....i don't like men ?.. (too fff-ing right son!) i avoid answering it that would have had to result eventually in me pushing over his wheelchair to make a point that seems utterly natural and compelling to any inteligent freethinking and loving person but is completely unbelievable to men (they make swords for their own bed there..)... that they are simply well ....  i just leave everything on Jesus and explain or try to that Jesus is just better than sliced bread somewhere well men aren't.... oh and am not that interested in relationships on a more appropriate and proper standing right now..... i tried to explain how that ..  how that i look on the married folks in the church and don't see the point ..... didn't see how this had anything to do with living Jesus ......    the bus thankfully finally arrives i go upstairs.... at the final destination near some shops .... i get off ... i don't need to but me i is ... well...  and wait... upatairs on the bus ...i have been thinking aboujt i originally kindov wanted to offer to pray really.....  i leave the guy with a streetstuff card ....  he wants my phonenumber ...  explain i really am only interested in fleeting moments of Grace.... i feel sick  i leave thinking i walk away him squalking ....  me i am feeling rather violated......    this christianity stuff.....   i feel bound by the way i feel it is right eventually to have the freedom to set everyone free... that's what Jesus did without exception but me ...  but already i am thinking christiantiy is hard work as i fend off enq

or is it straightforward christianity stuff....  that is the point that deserves attention the deception stuff  the biblical morrass of notions of stuff that makes no logic to the Gospel whatsoever!  i say this confidently cos all this 'biblical living' that folks does makes f-all difference to the impact of what would be a Gospel of evangelism the pouring out of the LOVE OF GOD..... the transforming of nations.... well it is all GOD's earth....  birthright or earthright birth to be free or a watered down fantasy version like the oos and ahs of the it shouldov been me royal wedding.... it's what it all comes down to... and while i am viewing my misanthropic holiday pics and hating everyone and not watning to identify anywhere with this or that lot or attachment or stuff!...  GOD is somewhere claiming me to GOD'sself and .. well it's GOD's earth i will send you where i will... now that's sane .... the belonging to no-one but Jesus the attachment to non other

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,