here aree some efforts i did earlier  to try and keep up when the they are not dated but hey... it's all relative?

ok now here we is today.... have just beein to my regular church... it was kinda like i could be here all the time... right up to the pastor and guest leave?... i am reminded of the plutocracy that resides endemically the endemic power structures that do not behave like an image of GOD .... it's like they have not been paying attention to the guest speaker actually they were not there for those particular words... the word gossip... all the little secret conversations that go on punctuated by sideways glances to the person concerned or even the person who ... notices.......   which is like what is going on now.... but GOD is showing me ... how GOD sees me how they squint their view of  the world completely are completely  different places ... i pick up some unholy stuff with them too still they belong to the plutocracy and me well... the tying up and stringing up with their spirit ... others don't see but far from a laid back sense of security and peace.... one is on guard (not everyone) but who are my friends here? who are GOD's friends.... i know why i can't feel safe here why others don't get ... it's become a church for friends of friends and one wonders why they seem to have so few friends though occasional relatives...
 
 Good news though they the church have found a new slave that does the things what the one who died does... similarly somebody who has had a rough sleeping background... as they brush past me ... me i am thinking of the Acts passage about Stephen.... being moved from one role to another and being prayed for the annointing for an administrative role ie human organisational one ....GOD's promise of providence on human rules time.... i love this they pray for annointing and GOD gives gifts a wide ruled perspective... signs and wonders wisdom.. a treasure to be around.... one does however wonder what happened at the church once GOD had switvched roles for Stephen once again... remember he was a deacon but that teaching prostheletising whatever you would have it calledis pretty powerful ... before he goes on to the end for which he is most importantly remembered... the origin of all that teaching material courtesy of a few letters written over all that time?.... my reverie kindof looks at what it would be like if the setting up people the sounddesk people etc did all that... i have become distracted actually what is bugging me is our guest speaker....   
 
i have heard them take this line before ... i didn't believe them then and somehow i don't believe them now either... they are reading Jesus throuhgh Paul's eyes... Jesus never said every action is started by a thought... does that sound more like nouvelle cuisine of the all important pop psychology maybe even drawn from cogito ergo sum? it kindov does to me....   the point being is if we hold our thoughts captive (Paul) so our actions conform to those of ... the mind of Christ ...then we will be ok... to me this is a convoluting way of coming back to the same thing.... ie why don't we search out GOD's HEart for us in the first place ... that WHOLE GOODNESS of GOD thing why do we not search to have the relationship that Jesus has which is direct relationship with GOD that all makes sense to me... i don't get the speaker's take and i am disappointed in them... it is that thing about the expertise of Paul... the speaker even changes what Jesus actually does say that actions come out of our heart... heart goes to mind and then action? no Jesus is saying that our actions come out of our heart's position and that may indeed byp0ass our minds... now that makes sense to me and i lose confidence or interest in the speaker... now why wouyld a bible scholar do that? i wonder why they distort Jesus to make Paul's case... thge spirit of the bible the spirit of the speaker imposed the spirit imposed on the speaker perhaps....( i am reminded of a youtube comment made by someone about Bethel they were complaining about the spirit of Bill Johnson (figurehead leader) and when i read it i felt that they had a point....) why am i here.... i explained to someone that last time they came i could not remember what they had said but i did remember the presence of the Holy Spirit that happened once they had in fact stopped talking and asking for the Holy Spirit.... that was something else!!! ... something they did say though that spoke to me was that thing about how we view others in the church.... in secret... does this count this clatter of keyboard? of course it does! and that is why i am saying help to GOD on all this... what is going on that i am being affected by?... GOD what is your purpose with this? bring your revelation.... please Lord Your Peace Your Victory! Your Outpouring... something else the speaker managed to say was: to talk about thieves homosexuals pphiles and murderers.... all in one breath... was i impressed with that?... a thought that we were all murderers kindof cheered me up... but i was glad for as i always am the outward expression of theology by the people who write books and shape the
thinking... who take thoughts captive ... the speaker had already said something about the listener not intellectualising what they were saying... and actually by the time the Holy Spirit time came they had lost me completely ... i said to GOD can we do this at home .... GOD said yes
 
where are the poor here... well the poor are busy happy to have something to do ... and the poor have otherwise to fall into line with the power brokers who to be fair sometimes receive GOD's revelation.... on my way i stopped for a beggar and ivited them to come to church for tea and coffee and refreshments if not for church.... they explained that they were not comfortable with church... even though they did through their circumstances receive what churches had to offer.... they had a very clear position one of discomfort... and they had a church based background that started all this.... they were afraid and somehow somewhere in theri spirit on the run.... i prayed for them openly ... and now i am thinking hey you know what what about Jesus direct in all this....
---------------------
 
struggles to make space and docking denied...
 
so here we are afterall.....
 
loads ofthings crammed in before managing to get from a to b... just one step forward for every ....
 
cos i coiiuldnt get in start browsing... news stories of poverty rain down one way or another.....   the change in law concerning squatter's rights gives all power back to the landowners.... it is an interesting aspect of law i feel that actually gave squatters some rights in the first place....  a benevolence? a freedom from abuse of those who had nowhere else to go?   an opportunist's acquisitive ? squatting rights ... i have known various folks over the years that have made albeit temporary home in empty propertys usually with others i have known folks who lived in buildings with permission from the owners.... rough and ready to a desire to create a place like home .... i have also met folks who squat and are less than polite drug addicts alcohol dependents and their friends and their exploiters....
 
is it the rawness of need or the boundaries... i would never do that therefore i shall do this instead that offends... the housing need can only push up prices can only help the housing market but what about folks who can't afford or can't manage... or don't want to play ball.... as increasingly individuals are taking to cars if they have them... folks being worn out... earlier a squatter spoke eloquently about the options facing them.... not squatting... they were a student previously living as au pair but the family unable to manage any more financially .... they felt they had options cos of their social circle of friends had sofas for surfin.... i liked that they were acutely aware that others in their group were not so fortunate....    home is about resources and it is also about social community... the commodification of domestic arrangements has caused breakdown of neighbourhood communities fragmentation of the political meanings of what the role of government should be.... or what community should mean.... the all in this together means what for people who are not housetrained socially trained to be anything but stress to sit next to ....
 
 
 
i had a conversation recently with someone from a different country i'd heard them speaking on this before... they are working in a factory here in the uk listening to them you'd think they have nothing good to say about the english work colleagues... but i have heard this before a building site worker who cannot believe how many teabreaks english workers take.... the work environment is the populated by the semiskilled.... what of the standards of application? my companion is clearly shocked.... this wouldn't happeon the continent!   nowhere in europe!....  so no pride either? no management or supervision?  the unsatisfied working the soulless earning a living... money at the end of the day soul destroyed... i remember the chinese factory worker suicides when one is on this assembly line one is somehow in a vortex of no other place to go.....  this is a far cry from like working for a living... where is the life...


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

recently met up with a street beggar i had hardly seen for a while.... can you pray for...xxx ? i am told they had died last week ... (my street beggar friend is an ex catholic)... only lost 5 friends this year so far.... last year lost 16 by this time.... it seems an astonishing number of friends and associates to lose ... ther is a big sense of community amongst a big ad hoc social grouping of what to call them down and outters with a mix of love and hate and out of control and community spirit that the homeless the were homeless the not quite .... the proportions of dunno epidemic?

epidemic of deaths outskirts of a war zone..... some though are familiar with death.. ex service men shocked out of existence the ability to return heros... no they have been picking up the bits of their friends out of the water off the tank whatever.... the failure of the Gospel to manifest... i feel that for these places on the street and me am i doing much better ... wearying?

i  spout out what comes to mind and that is some comments on the radio about deaths in custody .... that on occasions the physical condition of drugs and alcohol self abusers self harmers...and alcoholics is so poor they cannot withstand the stress and are somehow unrecoverable.... death in custody means they get measured and notated... person in crisis out of control out of depths...  sound stark? who else is forced to have an opinion one way or another...  death elsewhere...

. we addicts are we ever looked on that way? self abusers self harmers....
 i look at my friend i wasn't intending to give a nannystate lecture... but it is a stark reality.... self harming solutions brings...????  i feel a grunged out despair... we do things to give a short term feel good and all it does is mask and disguise with a temporary sense of well being.... hey why should  we not have it so good too?.... the feeling without the solution? the feeling without the resolution.... it's hard to take that the Gospel is a total solution ... we really think that there are other options and hey we ain't got it right or we never gonna get it right?

a recent story in the press was about the death of someone that the vicar noted on facebook someone who didn't seem to be known by anyone but he was an ex marine and from the facebook posting came 200 marines to the funeral ... we are his family said one...



my friend talks about they are working.... they have explained before that what the state pays is not enough... so they are forced to beg... they have an energetic social life and they are usually spotted drunk though lucid ... but they are incapacitated by alcohol dependence....

i am pleased to hear that my friend has recultured their enthusiasm for a small church i have not been to a small church plant from abroad that has rolled it's sleeves up! and meets embraces the poor! Praise the Lord!....   this one goes to church but explains that they cannot go to church if they don't have the fare for the bus... emphesema they explain yup smoking..... i say nothing i am surprised it hadn't occured to me .....

we have had many conversations about the drink and many wearied and enthusiastic easy prayers... for me it's a wonderful miracle that they go to a church where they feel refilled frefreshed... GOD has got folks to want to go with them ... ie folks who want to go to chuirch... hey we are not talking religious righteous church goers we are talking folks that actually ask my friend to take them with them! Praise the Lord!...

yeah! able to get in .... not for the first time this week delayed!

who are the poor of spirit? earlier i was part of that interesting conversation... about pr christians and theri collective reputations.... how do you know how the world views christians? well why don't you ask them.... one church owner? did, and surveyed the staff of a cafe nearby where 'their' congregants congregated after church.... they then reported the findings to  the congregants....it was a shock to them.. is this a surprise ? .... surely the best view of christians is of those who are captive audiences to theri behaviour....   they;'re mean they don;t tip they make ridiculous demands and have unfair expectations on ... their captive servants..... add in thre story about a christian conference venue where a nearby hotel refused to take delegates because of their mean spirited demanding behaviour leaving the staff more upset than blessed.... the storytller concludes ... it's because they believe they are kings /// that's how they are taught methinks..... has something got lost in translation? leaving a boorish aftertaste//// this the Gospel? can anyone join? are the poor just those that don't kinda want to ?

the Gospel is not phjilosophy it is a process and transformation and who is there to see it? why the whole world of course.....

 recently we were treated to the preview return of one of our fold.... when i sees them walking along me i make a mad dash for it .... i later hear they have declared themselves a 'new person' me i am thinking i don;t care.... me i;ll glacly settle for not being in even the same town as them..... seems though that a significant part of what hasn't changed is theri insistence on telling you how special they are with lasshings of a  complete disregard for the hard labours of people around them.... being told that they have time for you ... is kindov true in a way that you'd rather not have it is true... sometimes we has to swallow what GOD gives or does....  so who is the poor of spirit here?
i should be pleased surely to be closeted with company that i can only be in a hurry not to be around... that feels invasive is controling is juvenile a slob  takes everything for granted and leaves an imprint of something unmistakeably not GOD is ...  i am asked if i am pleased to see their return.... i can only feel ... a great sense of grief that the period of their absence has been a wonderful breath of fresh air and is it about to ....?

 is it true that some christians are far more important than others and the rest of us are roundly conned?....  well the world certainly does a lot of things that way.... like in orwells animal farm? (which i haven't read but feels a convenient parallele)  that this is the way to be....well the expliction of the church according to Paul would suggest by common consent that that is the case.... 
.             well there is that thing about serving others ....  how annoying is that though... who do we serve... what actually does service mean? who does GOD love? well clearly there is evidence of GOD loving the lovable oh and the statused but what about those who are in suffering or embarrassing or unpleasant to be around i mean GOD!!!??? where is the evidence? that they are loved by GOD?....   those totally ignored by those that are clearly loved by GOD because of the evidence of their blessing should surely be ignored too surely? is it that difficult to work out?

but the poor of spirit... are we the put upon? are we the gladly surrendering to thge domestic service of the grand duke/duchess should we refuse to be served or to serve? but who is the poor in spirit then? those blessed by GOD or those in need of Blessing?

earlier this week i had an interesting experinece... i had a meeting with someone i thought to share reading of  scripture... they had been pretty firm about what they wanted me to read.. i had a suggestion of my own... for some reason i was totally underwhelmed more exciting was the scripture that they said they were reading with someone else... already the format they suggested of reading verses here and there was not quite doing it for me... anyway i was protesting and wasn't quite sure why i was protesting... so when i turned up ... i felt like well a sense of blank what did GOD say to you ....  i had failed to read the text....i explained:... well to be honest i had attempted to read and completely failed to recall anything except that i had tried to find out on the internet a bit about context and failed and ... i found myself in a situation of compromise .. i was being told off about not having read scripture... what!!!??? i had turned up for the meeting...  in fact i get asked a direct question... do i believe that the bible is the word of GOD... i have to reply and answer that in terms of the actual as asked question the answer has to be no... i am disappointed to be talking to someone who proffesses a desire to learn ... apparently that is why we are seated there... but is completely off on one regarding just about everything.... there is much i find not very GOD about this whole engagement.... they seem to be determined that i read the scripture for next week... it is true that i had not asked GOD about whether to read or not read ... and i say i will do that much but i emphasise that they should not presume to know what GOD has to say on the matter... i am sensing something very ungodly going on here  something very hidden and quite is well what would the right word be ... oppressive it feels is just a part of something more going on....  we part ... i am both furious and flustered... me i want to stay put and finish my drink... i read bible .. it does not quite take off... i go outside for a fag... GOD is all for Blessing me though... someone offers a kind word... i am in the cold but oddly i do not feel at all cold... a nearby church organ starts playing ... there is something heavenly in the moment... someone comes along a complete stranger and i chat with them.... i have a curious conversation with them where they seem to be eulogising on Henry 8th as a saint.... for burning down the wealthy monastries.... they have already had a go at the pope now passed for their part in the holocaust.... well i am talking to someone who is from the sectarian west  and the conversation ends with a me feeling a huge desire to pray Blessing for them.... the person welcomes the idea hopes for that Blessing.... they go off........ and i see them shortly later alone looking rather sad..... i have cheered up and am now feeling Blessed can i though feel more Blessed? what about them as i avert gaze and leave?....

how we view eachother .... ourselves... GOD

GOD HELP US ALL!

oh this was rather intriguing:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21630874

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

frantic arrival at a hundred miles an hour haven't been able to get on on monday and then just not been able to get here.... take breath! have only a few minutes....


so perhaps working backwards.... i feel Blessed and totally exhilerated and yes GOD is in the house! amidst chaos!....  i've been doing some creative stuff though when one feels at groundhogday with the rudiments one does wonder what is creative..  or when is creative? it certainly makes one thoroughly admire the more accomplished exponents ....l one learns that everyone is talking something through the process... i feel very Blessed someone has landed me a bit of kit that is kindov essential... it is the standard proffessional model apparently.... i fully intend to pay for it .... but it's thoroughly amazing that it spontaneously arrived taking out the kerfaffle that is me trying to acquire said item by going to the shops.... 'how much?!!!!' aghast oh mmm and then pondering for ever..... and GOD was busy yesterday for sure... even though i was thoroughly irritated to a degree of falling out......    there is a lesson here.... not just that GOD IS GOOD!... but that human hangups and human frailties and human apologetics and excuses are not the place to leave things as i write i feel good that i can say these things and feel the importance!....  i have had a wince of time amongst some very newagey folks of all sorts of belief systems and practices..earlier in the year GOD got me to read some OT..... do not fear other gods or other peoples gods... when i read it how important it felt ... it felt as important to remember that in christian community as any place else.... my new agey associates come from all sorts of faith backgrounds i feel at home with the catholic folks who have flocked out of church and religious practice.... into all sorts of places... i am conscious that bible based tribes will argue that there is not enough bible study amidst bells and smells... i never quite understand what that means when folks are pretty hard hearted narrow minded and hardly giving off any sense of  Jesus though quite often there is a faintest whiff of HolySpirit! ioh how enlightened the church would be if Discernment were the number one sought 'gift'.... you see if we were all doin it with integrity and self conscious humility how amazing would be the transformation instead of the have your cake and eat it and everyone looking to everyone else as much as Paul must have encountered prophesy... clarity of vision of GOD clarity of speech interpreter of the Christ.... 

does GOD make mistakes? i find myself drawn into a discussion with an ex catholic (if one ever is an ex).... the discussion comes aobut cos i asked GOD for guidance and the result i share that .... someone of a very different sense of philosophy finds my talking Jesus gets up their nose still... does GOD mistakes ... in the moment ... i am not doing very well... so where is GOD in me then?... GOD never makes mistakes... to highlight the point something comes to light .... i went shopping and asked GOD's guidance ... we came away with something i would never have bought... and it stood in it's packet for some time ... something no-one would have bought... before it got opened and then .... we were all surprised!.....  yum! and Praise the Lord!...

i am told that GOD does the mistakes... and yes i agree with that but it is late in the night alone that the problem with the question is the value assessment of human experience and expedience what we are culturally and socially trained for finding a right and wrong outcome to decision making.... i say the problem witjh the question ... it was thye problem in the moment of conversation with not quite getting or seeking what it was about... it felt like a trick .... and i felt that i had fallen for it.... and somewhere i had!...  wisdom with speaking to GOD and going with GOD's Grace is not part of the mix of the scientific revolution of tear things apart and see what happens next... i was sufficiently rattled so that ... oh dear someone under the skin... we do it to eachother... we disassociate and put down.... the language we use... we are like circling scorpions ... we are rivals where no rivalry is relevant we are who we are and it's ok that way.....  it's like the velodrome ... those bizarre racing formats where the cyclists are all scrunched into competitive stillness who will break first? will the other be able to win?.... there is no prize there is no first past the post or last we are all there together in the confluence of our journeys and there we are defensive and gnashing of teeth... sometimes i can really lose sight of my identity...

yesterday also though i offered to pray for someone and sat with them hand on their shoulder and prayed... it was the first time.... hands on prayer...  they felt crook they did they ... we were both conscentrating on other things... outcome? well some Holy Spirit went busy somewhere for sure... though they said they felt worse... they have had various ailments in the time i have known them... with GOD's Grace they will let me pray some more.... i was in ordinary life and offered to pray for someone who had an injury that had some side effects i had known them a while they seemed to be antireligious... after i prayed with rather a lot of distractions including the unexpected arrival of a christian who i have never to memory crossed paths with in church who seemed ambivalent about what they were seeing? dunno.....  i was surprised to find tha the person i was praying for in fact did have belief and background in church i was treated to a wedding photo ....and more conversation about the role of church in their life... they had married a very non christian... i was not on a where did it all go wrong fact finding mission....  GOD doesn't make mistakes! amazing

i have a long late walk home.... it is cold i am drunk(ish) the poor are everywhere without me thinking too much about it... in fact several of the poor (begging poor) must be tucked up in doors or in safe warm places cos the only folks i see obviously so are some bedraggled unprepared... i am asked for money a couple of times on both occasions i say GOD BLESS YOU! and one of them responds in kind.. i am a little bemused by this..... it is cold... living hand to mouth amidst the midst of plenty and the many debts and many wastages...

i am adding in the poorly person as poor though they would not count themselves as poor as such but poorliness is a matter of experience of daily life.... is chronic poorliness easier to fix than chronic poverty? is chronic poverty easier to fix than chronic poorliness.. chronic poverty is surely fixable just with wadloads of dosh.... wads of whatever is in short supply maintaining a persistent misery.... happiness and joy .... but if you are the only person with wadloads of dosh is it the right thing... is wadloads of dosh just a symptom of something else..


gonna pause here


here is been listening to some Jesus Culture .... am less than usually enamoured what i like about Kim Walker beyond what i don't really see.... is that she tells this story of when the church she was in did that call for folks who wanted to join wojrship ministry.... she says GOD told her not to so she didn't ... i like that

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

just a couple of minutes here...

today is rapidly descending into chaos of uncertainties and shoulds and shouldn'ts and do's and not dones...

it is cold... my efforts to do the no heating thing have been successful in miniature... heating goes off before i get in... in truth though it is the wind chill that is cold something of the ambience... what we see is the various people huddled in doorways looking thoroughly miserable.... there are so many though it is so easy to walk past them there is so little as well as so much we can do... it feels though too heavy a burden to stop for someone who is drug crazed is.... a few weeks ago when it really was cold i was chatting with a friend when suddenly this person wandered into the street and stood aimlessly while a car honked its horn... i noticed they were not well clothed and had startlingly no socks.... the wandered off into and along the road clearly disorientated... homeless? not necessarily so quite a lot of people are housed but poverty stricken... i confess after praying i lost interest...

it can take a single significant moment to completely change one's fortunes... for some it may be something like winning the lottery life will never be the same again.....  life has become so complex though it is small wonder that folks particularly those who are isolated or have great friends who don't take a practical interest .. that is when things start to slide or go wrong.... there are so many bills endless unforeseen circumstances....

quite a shocking example was shared on the radio recently... Jamie Bulger's father was interviewed... now it is clear that ok no idea what he was like before the murder of his child but however many years on he is a wreck and he graphically described the day in effect he cannot trust in life again... one hopes and prays GOD will Grace into him but until something rescues him he is in a state of anxiety and a wreck.... life fallen apart ... it was shocking to listen to him helpless afraid .... so many folks i have spoken to have just ended up there... one minute managing the next... buff the no guarantees of life ....there but for the Grace of GOD.... if GOD is that GOD then please GOD be a bit about like everywhere for everyone

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,