2012 lent blog

[ecuworrier]

relations with somebody else have thawed again i am less irritated AND they actually ask me to pray for them declaring how Annointed my prayers have been (at least the last time i prayed..) now... how to win a girl round!!!...   so pray i do leaving them to soak...

...and then off i went to a show... now i don't really tell anyone where i am going....... i've been following a contributor that demonstrates craft amzingly well... certainly for what is this locality....  and it's been a really interesting journey allround... i'm kindov wondering why i'm there though... have i not really seen enuff.. i say that cos!!!  well...GOD propels me forward to the venue  show is already underway... atmosphere is great fully appreciative audience i make my way to the bar... i have never been here before and tbh can't imagine why not!... it's one of those bars that offers a variety of ales and its great i don't know any of them... but plum for one with an ecclesiastical ring.. well it is Sunday afterall.... then spot a dog with big brown eyes staring at me with a wag in its tail... i grin expecting the dog to have made connection it comes nervously towards me and then really does not want to be stroked... i am aware of the electricity in my fingers... cadge a stool sit move as folks vacate am joined by one person elderly so i insist on them taking the comfy seat ... its next to the dogcarer so i engage with them they leave... then some more folks.. everyone is very reticent and careful about my now occupied table... they sit down awkwardly i try to engage with them to make things more comfy to rearrange stuff for the older person of the group.. i get peered at suspiciously in the end i say to the one who seems most approachable and immediately able to engage with : 'hey i'm trying to be helpful here ..it's not going very well....' finally everyone is comfy more relaxed and i find myself being chatted with which is cool and fun!... the show goes on through interval and i am engrossed in chat ... go out for fag find myself more chat i really am finding myself chatting with everyone about anything... i even squeeze a prayer or two in... well at least one out loud that had Jesus Name onit... go to the loo find another contributor who i have had an interesting begining with they witnessed a very oops moment with another christian once and they keep popping up everywhere it's like GOD is somehow on their trail.. i know they are not one for religion or chats about Jesus... they complain of a headache.... late nights etc water i said... but as i return to myself am thinking prayer opportunity i offered it up to GOD... i return the people are wondering what has happened to me and then they get up to go one of them hangs back it's the one i have been chatting with... they say i am the nicest person they have met in a long while i say they have not met me on a grumbly day am really not very good with such accolades!... i get a huge hug as well as a warm hand extension from one of the others i feel very moved GOD BLESS! and some silent prayers is the only evangelism i do here... end of show anddd... i cannot seem to stop talking!... i complement to the contributor commenting that i didn't actually hear much as i have been chatting all evening... i ask the co-contributor abou their head... it's apparently gone forgotten they drank some water ... now at the time i remember thinking hey GOD and then the mention of remedy water had felt like kindov a rebuttal but it was only a lot later that i remembered how quick the word 'water' had come out in the initial conversation....  warmest of au revoirs all round..

i get offered a lift home by one of the supporting contributors... i know they would be going well out of theri way and find them somehow exceedingly generous which is very humbling .. they have been consistently friendly towards me during this journey... which kindof feels ... well as i explained on an earlier occasion i just want to sit at the back somewhere and listen... meanwhile GOD abviously has completely different ideas it seems...

i do want to walk though and no sooner have i got halfway down the street and i am greeted by three gay guys... we have a brief chat!... one of them does look familiar and i can't quite yet place them ... GOD BLESS! we exchange! church? or somewhere we've both been?... i am completely grinning .. as i can see the car drive along that just... this is why i wanted to walk.... i carry on feeling much loved and very mellow and kindov how GOD is GOD!?

i bump into someone... i have not met them for a while ... and they are alone and looking miserable... GOD makes sure that my just say hi and carry on turns into a lengthy chat... and praying...  they feel a lot better they have not had such a bad day afterall (before i came along) AND i get invited to their church they want me to come... i have a heard about it i ghave met folks who go there have gone there but never been but i am given a time slot that could be poss...

this is a person who has been street homeless for a very long time...  and GOD made sure that i met them a while ago now... they were a believer catholic background with very quirky views and i talked about miracles and that was too much for them a friendly relaxed chat turned into me being shouted at with people staring... i felt a little bemused for i had felt this was a GOD Appointment so i went around the corner and prayed about it ... it was a long time(monthsyr?) later before GOD propelled me into a new chat with them during this last year... ok how does GOD do this? ... well then it was... like this: me am leaving prayer meeting and am shouted at as i go past two homeless people i get asked where i have been.. i tell them they say please pray for '%%' i enquire the nature... stay and pray %% is in hospital seriously ill... we pray there openly me and the one who shouted out... and while i am hanging out with them something 'someone' says suddenly dawns on me ... hang on ... i look at them it's only then that my eyes are opened it's 'someone' who i last time met... was being shouted down the street  i remind them and we laugh and have made friends GOD makes sure we make even Spiritual friends and something they say sparks something for me .... they ask me where church is... ... here? ... no they get very serious with me ... for them it's the nearest waterway and they go out and stare out to the waterway... it makes me think of the Holy Spirit Hovering over the water... and i speak this out loud... and whoosh the Holy Spirit falls bolting me ... causing me to  'whoo' in whoosh! sort of way... and they whoo! with me .. wow GOD is GOOD and they humble me for thanking me for the time i have spent praying and talking with them... 

there's another phase of this i want to reserve for another time i feel...


anyhow last night i continued eventually passing a whole pile of people 3 in fact and i prayed for LOVE for three homeless folk... actually i was stopped by their dog... who ventured out to greet me...  who i have met before! a well loved pooch someone stuck some place solid is the word that comes to mind alcoholism and many many shocjking and real sadnesses trapped in the catch 22 of what there is on offer requires boxes that cannot be ticked or environrments that cannot be lived in...  i prayed for LOVE it's the Word that tripped off my tongue... and touched one of them in particular they wanted to touch me exchange hand somethings.. and i was too far away to reach literally and well... it made me think how easy this journey is how much we fear the Loveliness of the Lord in our hands... and it made me feel sad in that moment how distant i felt.. still it was late? not too late? too much for one day?  the show ended before 10.30ish? i got home at 1amish i hadn't had a cooked meal for 3 days now... so i did and then surprise surprise there i was falling asleep with the lights on and ... well... feeling somehow gloriously and gorgeously fed and sated and room for much more!

here we are right now reflecting GOD's LOVE AND GOD's MYSTERY trying to get through this... a person came and sat next to me... someone i see a lot of.... the story goes they had a bad drugs happening a very long time ago and they seem to be stuck in that star war someplace... ever since... happily so?  or desolately so.... the fact i see a lot of them means GOD wants more the fact they make an appointment to sit here means i got something to do... today they smell strong and i have coughing fit need to sort that out somehow someplace GOD is on your case too

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

start with....

why does everything take so long on computer? earlier spent a whole hour not to get a definitive answer on something!!!!!!!!!

i attend a prayer meeting that is monthly that i haven't attended for a while.. why ? well last time i came i ended up losing my rag ... no that's not the reason... have had clashes or GOD took me off elsewhere... but this time the two people who tripped my switches weren't here .... why am i well... i am dragging my feet to get there... find it really well attended take my customery position outside the circle... i just don't well there was a time i did not feel welcome which wasn't entirely rtue / and then that cultural well gap really got the better of me.... / oh and there was a time and there have been more than one occasion where i relegate myself to secondary status according to what i understand from the teaching .... even though there is an attempt made to contradict this... is neither completely evident in the teaching as far as my ears are concerned and how others apparently take it and  also not the behaviour one does the reality of where one is at? what is acceptable sadly subtexts is what folks feed on in the subconscious and all sorts........ 

the intro from an ipc is grating on me... all this fear factor stuff excuses not to do things cos well is fear a good enough reason? it is reminding me with some clarity of when i first came to the church i had a look at some teaching notes and felt dismay... at the time there seemed to be someone to have that conversation with and actually it was ok... there was room to have a different viewpoint... it's all this obsession with Spiritual warfare and principalities of power that a bit of Paul isolates... and christians go crazy to hide behind their armoured 4x4s.. does that sound flippant... and it doesn't quite describe a lot of our church tbh!... about serious issues? not long ago a GOD cjhancing meeting with somebody an ex-catholic priest well i said i was a christian he went on about stuff to do with spiritual warfare the this and the that it's all real! you know he declared emphatically... i didn't really enter a discussion about it but i certainly didn't want to disagree... it's just that... well Jesus ... and well the people i admire most accept that part of their Ministry is GOD dealing with suffering and sorting stuff out... i want Jesus to lead me through this not some philosopher who has written a book i mean if GOD has revealed Himself in the writing of a book gathering knowledge and inspiration then in end effect that is within their context of Spiritual Development ....me well we all have our own Spiritual journey... the subject of our attention is where we love isn't that paraphrasing something Jesus said.. or at least a commentary of the state of our heart... well i am finally catching up with some foundational bought into teachings that is inevitable for a church that is generated from anywhere really... i feel i have come full circle and am kindov disappointed really... the language the way we use language shows how we have bought into what and i listen to being disappointed by the people who one after another talk this stuff ... i note however there are folks who have said nothing dunno what they are thinking... something comes up but in an odd form it's the words : i do not want you to serve... i am listening to the language about service and the church and am thinking what about GOD?... i am also getting some pretty weird imaging... in the end i go out for a fag.. outside i get something of a word and then look around there are one or two folks about and i ask GOD to get the ones to speak to me to give the word to?.... i wait ... i get impatient and engage one who is standing and has just done something that ... they don't stay... then uhoh i see GOD hasn't forgotten me someon is making theri way methodically speaking to everyone and then they get to me ... 80p i can't remember what Jesus said and say i was just speaking to GOD for someone to speak to me and have a suspicion i got this bit wrong which was ... did i say GOD told me to tell me to say...? i said Jesus loves you... but that was not what i thought the word was in fact still now i cannot recall... another person spoke to me about the person who had just asked .... i repeat the phrase... it's an unchurched christian but not through choice... so i chat for a while pray a little loud and silently till they too have to go.. i am feeling a real lemon for getting the word wrong! meanwhile somebody else talks to me ... i miss that one and then return to the prayer meeting.. i walk into someone praying about LOVE!!! now that's more like it!   after a while i go through the vision ... it goes like this... i have been  mostly silent for a whole meeting practically though i kindov made some noises in the worship this is not like me except that... hey something is going on

Jesus says I WANT YOU TO SERVE ME... phewwww!!!!!  and adds something else that...

the vision runs like this... it starts with something that appears to be what a tie clip shape perhaps but is black and whatever it is it's really sinister and i can't see what the appeal might be but i have a feeling it's well something men would whatever... i ask GOD to .. can't recall it breaks and it changes to a 3d picture of antlers i'm kindov thinking maybe old tie school cos initially i am thinking this is something to do with heraldic images though don't ask me what or when... i kindov stare on it turns into a staghorn beetle... which is an amazing sight that too doesn't quite do much for me then i ask GOD to touch it.. this is weird cos i have had this sort of image of the antlers come up i am just realising in another prayer meeting but can't recall where that went as a story board sequence... this time as GOD comes and touches it it turns into another sort of beetle which name i know not the thing about this beetle is that it is all floppy like a knitted hat/... i stare some more and it turns into a hat and there is a little face underneath it...  and then the image stagnates.. i can't remember why but i ask GOD which one represents the church? and it is the staghorn beetle... i later ask GOD where the Gospel is and it is the next phase ie after... the church becomes a place safe for vulnerable souls.... vulnerable men... sensitive men... look at each place i was just looking on as and thinking about the qualities of the image so the staghorn beetle just looked really full of protection self protection impenetrable and on a mission as it were one could say it was fit for purpose knew and acted out everything that it was meant to... but where was the place that enabled people to participate to feel safe?...  does one have to break open the shell in order to gain entry... having broken open the shell is not the church itself made vulnerable overpopulated even..... unmanageable???...   does one have to be staghorn beetle even or have to become one to have engagement... recognisable ....the floppy hat was kindov interesting as was the other beetle form vulnerable able to be stepped on and yet touched by GOD into that shape! and out of it crept a face cartoonesque but still more humanlike... anyhow i tried to tell the image and i forgot the bit about the gospel.. dunno quite why but i feel compelled to tell this .. but i felt GOD was talking to me in this space too!...

i felt quite disassociated and i am reminded of a prophetic word someone gave me not long ago... it was about the eagle flying out of the chicken coop or some such idea... more and more parts are moving... it reminds me too of someone i met in london who was on theri own journey of wanting to grow faster Spiritually and how they left for another church and no sooner were they about to leave when their existing church suddenly gets all excitable and interesting again... they went disconcertingly with plan A and left for new vistas that they know was the right thing..

oh my GOD i am being reminded of something else! .. this happened previously the curtain call for ...

and that brings me back to.... yesterday again!

yesterday two unusual and unexpected events happened almost imperceptibly but when you have two in one day! it well was that gooey number! of aah factor... on two occasions 1) in acomparatively affluent sort of suburbia i find myself pretty much nose to beak (almost) with a small bird singing away attached to a bush ... it did not fly away!.... poor location i find myself ridiculously close to bird on a branch ... it did not fly away!... the poor location was interesting we went on a prayer walk not long ago and i told you i found myself meeting the pets and the wildlife... and i have mentioned that i preach the GOSPEL JESUS LOVES YOU! JESUS THE LORD THAT SAVES to the animals  and include them in prayers .. well i was a bit excitable when i realised that ... somehow that is all GOD has to work with sometimes... in terms of spreading the GOOD NEWS and i was excited about that even if the good folks of the gospel carriers couldn't make it round to your house GOD could still leave something of HIS HOLY SPIRIT! and in it GOOD NEWS! i'm sure there is more to it but GOD LOVES YOU REACH OUT HALLELUJAH FOR MORE!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

or something like that...

[ecuworrier]

hi i believe we are entering the home straight and we have Ascension Sunday and the like?

yesterday was a curious day of ridiculous .... and well... i got the second lesson by default couldn't get a second(third lesson by default) and now here we are .... as far as GOD days were concerned GOD was where? forgotten... the amount of time we spend grumbling when we could be busily chatting with GOD ... GOD on our side? why does everyone put it that way... it happened at the weekend i poked my nose around the door of a church in full swing and someone came to greet me but Bless them! they came and said to me about GOD granting the desires of my heart well ... Bless them for that too... if our hearts in some funny places then the desires of our ghearts is gonna be... now readfing the OT is completely a good read for that cos afterall By Covenant the Israelites are in a belonging with GOD and they one way or another manage to get themselves in peculiar places, with GOD crying out loud for folks to return to attention to GOD... yes behaviours come into it but GOD wants your active attention GOD wants your loving attention all that is in your hearts exposed and 'I will decide what is GOD and what is false god' says the Lord in so many words....  so i would rather that my encouraging new friend and brother or sister gave me a spiel on what is in my heart GOD will be correcting it His Way by chucking out a few odd idols ...with no interference from me or anyone else! and will clear the way for some pure GOD's Love petitioning and prayers! AMEN!  hospitality with Jesus isn't always what you want of it .. but the result is spectacular and UTTERLY CONVINCING that GOD is RIGHT and that is without any help from anyone else other than the odd person delivering a message cos well are you right on target? 
i have successfully seemed to sack a contributor who by their own account has great knowledge on the art ... look i am sympathetic to their plight they would not be hanging out with the likes of us if they were not in some sort of plight... actually they would not be in the same room as me if GOD did not want my attention for them... ahh well they had kindov already kindov sacked me!....  we are not speaking to eachother which really misses the point of being in the same boat allbeit trying to live on seperate decks... my stoopidity and sackedness meant i missed an opportunity and all that happened was i was brat of the season with me as i let the opp go and then time stopped in my tracks! opportunities are time and context dimensional one should be on the alert... so after that oh no .... oh then i had a christian event i had booked for and had to travel to.... what i chaotic journey!

 had booked and then there i sat and wondered about going...i honestly was out of sorts.... i had been to the place previously and this time it was a straight forward train journey with changes and then what!... there was NO that is NO person at the first station so i had to fumble with the machine to buy a ticket i could not seem to work out how to use it nobody to ask it took an age! then i had to ask someone about which station to change no person... then on one train .... get off to ask they give me info go out for a fag come back forgotten ask another they although they wear the uniform are going to give me info then give me peculiar and illogical info then they are going to show the board with the info it's just around here they say helpfully as i can see one train arrive..... thankyou! i leap on the train... with the person out of view expecting me to follow and ... missmytrain?!  another train i look at the clock me am gonna be l.a.t.e. ui ask GOD i get an answer ..i ask the conductor who agrees with the first person i asked .... ok it's actually what GOD said ... me i am not quite trusting why it is i set out soooo late and then everything.... arrive at change station then the train is already in the station rush across ask person on board just to make sure they with some ennui turn their heads to look at something and then answer affirmatively... theri manner is such that i just get on and they say thankyou... and something else... they have a point though theri manner does not offer much in the way of 'deserving'  or even that the info might be correct?...  the journey continues we are deffo in another country here.... i catch a curious conversation someone on the mobile phone to someone unseen with someone telling them what to say... i like that the advice is about honesty and fronting up in a modest fashion that that appears to be an untidy dealing... they are young and i look peculiar to them... and all good grace and judgement... i am feeling got at... i  arrive at station i get off now where do i go i have the info in my hand and am relying on the info i was given as correct that it is walkable... i must be i am pretty late... i ask the trains back with some consultation get the answer... i ask the train folks about the where i am going i get asked a curious question about where i am going... oddly and for the first time i take offence at the questioning (normally i would be quick off the mark to advertise a church and Jesus all in one) today i am defensive i am pensive cos a bit i have missed out is that... just before i set out i get some worrying news i have an appointment and i stare at it i stare into the gloom and tbh i would rather just hide under the sofa and cry and i really cannot for the life of me imagine why i should be here in this place as a cloud bursts... and i gather moisture around me like a ..wet blanket?...  i ask some more....  the person who claims olocal knowledge asks me if i mean that street in another town... it forces me to the taxi ranks ..

arrive at venue .... when i see the waft of the Holy Spirit all around a venue i immediately know where it is... though i have to ask someone who looks completely confused and not seen the like of the ticket i have before... oh no then unsurprisingly points out the place i saw the Holy Spirit wrap out of ... i am here!!! HALLELUJAH!!! i am there to ... well why am i here seriously.... i notice stuff .... why is the Holy spirit apparently another colour from what i might be expecting given this person's heritage!!!? actually i catch from their talking that their journey began with GOD's better idea or offer of help in dramatic fashion... here we go Healing miracles... and how about the witness of the gift of languages given like this... the sudden unexpected ability to speak a language one has no apparent knowledge in?....  and the journey we face there being something of prophetic understanding grown from that... i love the notion of reason being a distraction from GOD!!! AMEN AND HALLELUJAH to that!.... that singlehandedly justifies my position of not wanting to hear all that stuff what's said!!!>.... this person has raised people from the dead has a very quirky manner and is full of Blessing and Grace.... i watch on.... i am struggling with why it looks so different from what i expected

giottago

[ecuworrier]

where was i... ah yes

the preaching sure is 'out there!' and i am praying too ... i am definitely not as present as i usually am and get coughed over by someone sitting behind me ... sure they get prayed for...  but still oh i am so weary tonight!.... an altarcall with words of knowledge... i ! slip out for a fag! when i come back... a number of people more are in the space at the front... oh no what have i missed GOD seems to be moving me towards there but me i am reasoning about help surely i shou,ld know what is being prayed for!? surely though i should just be going with GOD's encouragement!? i hesitate i do not want to disturb anybodie's revery and intimacy so i kindov hang around waiting for GOD please get someone to look me in the eye to ask ... of course nobody turns around then someone leaving looks into my eyes and judging by their manner i .... what another confusing conversation... hey me i am not really going for this at all!... what does it matter so long as GOD gets what GOD wants? i am not thinking at the time.... i go with the moving feet and someon seems not to be in a revery young man! i address them! a person clearly of many years ... what i sthe altar call for? anything you want any kind of Healing Restoration... oh! oh shouldn't everyone be down there then? the guy is set off laughing.... ok.. so i amble down and am amidst people who need Healing and who are watching on and not quite getting it together to ask! and i am oh so wanting to do the bizz!... instead i pray at distance and wait for ... someone comes up to me and starts to pray..... someone else rushes behind me and prays in tongues.. i turn about to catch a modicum of glimpse without quite taking it all in... i am certainly filled with something Joy Strength is what the first person is doing... the other person mysteriously vanishes with not another word and i still don't know what they look like but want to know why they so rapidly jumped in... and what words if any they got... the other one sees an image bubbles like champagne... they say that kindov means something as i search in my head and something happens that has us both laughing... it's bothering me cos it's only recently i was in a prayer session with folks and somebody saw bublles with someone else... i can't quite recall ....  i feel very filled with something!... and sit... i start chatting with someone beside me turns out that they are from my locality and we chat about stuff something peculiar is going on and in the end  reveals a spirit i politely ask them if they are ok with me saying stuff they say ok so i go with it....i go with a word a word of knowledge.. i go off to find the second person who was praying for me... can't see them unless it is that person who is currently talking to somebody else and then ... no sooner do i move and they are talking to someone else! i look around and get a closer look at the speaker of the day.... the presence of the Holy Spirit is thick around them... still i kindov do not quite get why it appears so different... to that i would expect!... someone accosts me i explain why i am there they ask me if i want prayer i say i have been prayed for (i am so polite) they grab the nearest prayer warrior who seems a little reluctant and they ask me what i want prayer for.... i say i just want GOD to direct stuff... and theri hands are unbelievably hot! they stand at the same side as the first person who prayed ... as before the other person speaks in tongues the whole time and then off they go!... it is very weird to have the one side of me prayed for it would feel by 2 similar looking people but with apparently .... tbh i have not been paying much attention to what they say only at one point a word seems weird it has my attention did you just say... ? this sets them off laughing ... i am not sure if it is for them or me... and i have absolutely no problem with what GOD wants coming out as it did for me ... challenging the orthodoxy of prayer warrying that .... i spend quite a lot of time with someone who is kindov very persistent those prayer hands are hot....   i have had the experience i may have ment8ioned of where when suddenly the hot becomes cold and there is a point where that is reached ... but we talk i let off a little steam about weariness and now new worry... i like this person they are doing deadpan Ministry ... turns out that they were told by GOD the sort of person they would meet Spiritually this evening and somehting of this encounter is making sense of something they have said... it's interesting talking to them we talk about the struggle to find a safe church... i get the dictatorial 'word of GOD = bible thing' i can see this person has had a tough time... is very correct and disciplined... and yet in those Holy Spirit moments... a different person emerges! i tell you i am so slow on the uptake today! another bunch of prayers against my availabliily except on the terms of those i cannot recognise for GOD's authority? it's a running theme a running sore!.... those hands though they warm up again and stay on my shoulder... i do have to make the train... (don't i?) the idea of being stranded does not quite appeal! i don't say what is on the tip of my tongue to say...which is oooh those hands i want to take them home with me.... in case it comes out wrong... oh LORD i have a suspicion that i have been coming out all wrong rather a lot recently in rather a lot of different places..... something about that Heat is moving the place though under my skin ... "

on the way home i keep getting into the seat that moves backwards with the train!.... i reflect i need to move forwards....  it is on the complete home straight that there is a sense of finally GOD is involved with my other stuff and that is just where GOD needs to put GOD'self!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

errmmm ummmphff... few days worth...

ermmmm ummmmphff completely anxious  a mix of total anxiety and talking to GOD and being preoccupied with the complexities of the journey of the week.... and feeling pretty complexed out...

GOD has been busy... and i am in that state of awareness of /// what should i do? ... and what should GOD do actually what can GOD do to make it feel better... i find i have missed 2 sermons on the same subject GOD the parent the good way the bad way... the thing is ... how do we learn to discriminate.. how do we recognise for ourselves ... the sermons are convinced thjat GOD does a whole pile of correcting and it hurts.. and i guess under these models we are left in that place as naughty children of GOD or 'good' children of GOD or someplace in between... broadly speaking it is some place in between... so how does that affect you? or does it? the person who goes out pleasing the good parent the person who is pissed off and misunderstood by the 'bad' or inadequate parent?  it's abit of a nobrainer innit... i mean actually what is a good parent somebody who rears good accountants ..

i get some bum prayers by a good parent of no children somebody who has a job of youff work at their church... i shoudl have stopped them actually... but all i did in the end was call out to GOD open my eyes and look at them!.....  oh brother!  ... all i could see was a weird effect of stuff passing by and you know what i didn't mind it flying by it was all city stuff all modern techonology and electronics an artistic style reminisnent of the blackandwhiteness of the 60's this may seem a contradiction but hey who did youkjnow with a colour tv... programmes were put in b/w perspective... it's also kindof pixilated that flying by..... who has been praying for this guy ? i should of asked really... the thing is they has prayed for me before wonderfully some years ago.... and here we is in the same argument of sorts....   and why actually i ask him to reflect back to me what he thinks i am actually saying ... no wonder we have black and white demonic imaging flying past he has just prayed for me and cannot for the life of me understand the conversation in anything other terms as worldly .... so there is a no brainer... i give a huge sigh put it straight and walk off.... you see what the great and the good are trying to do? protect theri patches they ask the gods of patch protectionism to protect theri patches... and me i gotta go an give GOD the clean up... it sure is a dirty place to be all that electronics and black toner .. i am disappointed most of all cos of there was once a time... and it's a time they has run from ... i cannot believe they would want to forsake of GOD GOD... but for the sake of.... something that is what they are dong... can we trust GOD is it not about can I trust GOD... let me see now... the conversation was on an odd fling.... i broacjhed the subject cos ... well i had wandered into this place just in time for tea and wandered through and found some folks i met before bidding me sit down... i want to show you something first... 1)_there is a guy there who readily shakes hands with me stands up to do so... i sit remembering the tone of his conversation thoroughly unpallatable... his battles and i prayed for him last time i was down.... while everyone else was shrieking into oblivion on the mindset thing!.... and here he was transformed!.... hey it's just that GOD is GOD and that's what needs to happen belief is in  danger of being an empty shell without the evidence of GOD's LOVE GOD's EXISTENCE!!!... hey GOD IS GOD!!!!  i was just there on an occasion or two to have this guy on my heart to pray for... so do i feel the efforts of my prayer were answered oh yes!.... that is an encouragement to me what about all the other folks who prayed well hopes they were round and about too encouraged!...  there was someone looking bleak who was engaged in conversation but i did not know... we had a fascinating and moving conversation and though i held back considerably in my comments about me... i found that i actually was the exact right person for someone who was anxious about the circumstances and social group they found themselves placed in... hugs all round! amazing
!... what about the gays in this church ? well youknow what i got one picture from this person... and so i huyng about to wait for the other person...  and that's when oh LORD what is going on?  let me not be overly prescriptive actually...
bebacksoon

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

haha...GOD sorts out memory...

i was telling this anecdote to a friend over the w'end...

there's a cafe that i've been hanging out a bit in...  and quite often i've been there over the last few months there's a great lump of a young guy who hangs out seems to be there loads ... anyways i've already taken a dislike to his biglumpness as in useless big lump... like i say he's there quite a lot and overhearing snatches of conversation with other folks... just well has not warmed me to him not one bit! it's just that lumpiness.... a couple of visits ago he shared my table and that was time for me to go... he's overweight and huffs and puffs and takes up a lot of space... well how is a girl supposed to concentrate on the finer things of why she is in a cafe with all that big puffing billy stuff going around just 3 feet away me did i pray about him well couldn't get away fast enough!!!... space invasion or what!...  ok well next time i'm in i spot him there aggenn! as he turns round i see he is sporting a t-shirt with some writing on it.... 'Jesus loves you but i'm his favorite' my first thought is oh he is a christian ... followed by.... well i smile at myself ... i quite like the idea of Jesus' favorite being this great useless lump!  Jesus picks His friends just so! Jesus' favourite is everywhere i have just spotted him again! now i know he is Jesus' favourite has kindov softened my attitude to him i note him hanging out with another big lump with big useless irritating conversation that i overhear!

ok back to the backwards momentum of yesterday... i'm sure i should have done something more useful than what i did ... i had just translocated from another church... i had finally made it to a church that GOD had a few weeks previously indicated that GOD wanted me to visit.... and on that day after  i find that this church has undergone major surgery losing a substantial part of it's recent heritage... and still i smile even though one of those who has left is telling me all about ... without the detail some pretty dramatic events resulting in an exodus... it's starting positionj is kindov not enormous.. so i am pretty curious as to how a chuirch manages to continue under these big changes ... but like i say something withing felt GOD was up to something... and the bits that were excised even though i felt closest to them the spiritual (yes the small s) direction they had found themselves persuaded by seemed to well lead into darkness... clearly the new influences were with someone needing some companionship and the good folks the great and the good i could somehow even wigth sporadic association somehow understand their need for support... but ohonestly .... let this be a lesson to you! we i we you on ly need one friend in these places of pressure and eyes wide open for one influence and that is of course our lovely Saviour Jesus... as soon as we start looking elsewhere we will find well elsewhereliness... !!! and that is what has happened...

 to continue the journey... i found myself in brave new world place a place of fractured past and broken futures there was a vision once and now dunno what it was... but folks hey it's vulnerable out there and there are many forces of desire to interfere in GOD getting GOD's GOOD NEWS OUT THERE some paths are pretty much stonier than others and sometimes it sure is not enough to sit in a room with friends and friendly faces we gotta actually get more to GOD we got to know GOD for sure more than we know ourrselves and those around us....  and sadly a way got waylaid as GOD entered a time of potential Testament of just such stories... a journey that.... look let me share something... someone who sadly is no longer with us a stout christian in theri time was preoccupied and blurted out one time you know what there are people who pray for christian marriages to be broken up... you know what ,,,, it got a bit of a yawn out of me on the one hand but the notions of Spiritual Warfare were not lost on me... so ok how do you like the notions of the thunder brothers at work... no not over my time my town... well i know now for a fact have learned that there was quite a lot of sentiment of this direction on this community and the individuals... just the time to get it on with ... new friends? for support? no for GOD... to look into the EYES OF GOD and see what there is to see... instead a grand hijacking took place ... and now there i sat at the back... you see i could see something was wrong when i met folks... or they avoided me i could tell... something had happened in fact i had seen first hand and folks lived in fear when Jesus loves them and has all the man power and fight power that is needed! look as far as christian marriage is if it's GOD's knows better than you do then look to GOD on that ... don't be an oppressor or a doormat... anything else is just well marriage for better for worse and really GOD does have your best interests at heart better than you know them yourself ... it's n ot about the status of the world that counts oh no it is thoughj about what GOD CAN DO AND DOES .. GOD's PLANS are wide out and various and sometimes they are a bit mysterious but GOD says... OBEY and yours is not to reason why... cos once you do that and ask advice of your friends well you might as well read the book of Job once more i mean how 'sacred' did GOD hold the institution of marriage of Job the holy man of the story? if that institution was more holy than Job hisself then well... hey GOD is truely Gracious and will GIVE GUIDE LEAD AND CORRECT!... and i like the way GOD counts GOD's self the more importANT  Authority on everything there!... me i sat and looked on i could see something had shifted and there was more discernable about THE CHRIST in this case... i chatted to a few and prayed a lot i even offered to pray for ... but i know that well this was a wounded community and the idea of being prayed for was a little well anxiety provoking ... but hey i got a number of folks added onto prayer lists..... i did have an interesting moment though... one of the stalwarts that i reckon understood about Jesus have themselves been through some pretty challenging times and i noted a new liason when i was praying sharing the message GOD has put on my heart for these folks.... someone makes that comment... salvation comes from the person the patching up of relationship... hey sometimes that helps loads and sometimes that is what the doctor (GOD) ordered but my message is about the Relationshjip of GOD the Father of Jesus the Saviour the ultimate mender of broken hearts... no matter whose elses... and all the rest well that is just human affairs innit?


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

.. earlier today a nice moment... well how does GOD do appointmenting... He makes you have to go to one place and not another in order to check something out  He makes you hungry He makes you stand in a queue then get a sandwich you are not sure you really want then He makes you sit and eat it and ponder then rush to one place and there as you are about to sort something out you find someone about to leave who you would otherwise have missed if you were earlier... person has been trying to contact mutual contact from my church ... though person goes to another church that is even more self important than our own a self importance to be admired really... they... well they are asking me about evangelism .... asking me!? well it seems they have just discovered by accident that they and me have a mutual acquaintance that is not christian who they say is asking questions about GOD... well put like that that seems quite a surprise... i attempt to refer them to the superpowers of their own church which goes down unexpectedly not very well ... yes i am surprised at this! too... but when they spell out the story i am not very surprised ... what they seem to be viewing as a GOD APPOINTMENT certainly is one GOD never does nuffink for no reason... nevertheless ... have i evangelised that person the mutual acquaintance that is... well it was and it er well ... in truth i remember that occasion well it was really well GOD appointment though one does wonder sometimes... in truth they offended me and actually with this review the way they offended me hey if i had been on the button!... instead i was offended and not only was i offended but they were terribly offended by that i was offended.... and we have hardly moved from that stance now some time ago.... hey there is a theme here that GOD has been exoticising rather dramatically of late here there and elsewhere and it is all about GOD and the Kiss of Life....  i am moved though by this today encounter that unreadiness about evangelising are we ever?... and what to say how to handle... i point out that me well i just fumble along  that it is truthfully in my view GOD's Projects and that if GOD is on someone's case they are already being 'saved' i really do struggle with the 'language of the christian' and had only the day previously really been struggling with conversation.... and try to give some tips about asking GOD for help more i cannot really say i feel... but i do feel very humbled by this VERY GOD APPOINTED MEETING!!! and may we both be Blessed by it... what is Glorious is that i get some stuff from GOD and hey i need that... yes i need that to function!... but i do feel sad that that person feels they ... hestitate to ask the great and the good of their own church... oh Jesus!!

ok winding back the clock again... sat in a cafe to read some Bible was a bit disappointed that no-one had left a paper but hey i was there to read some Bible... so Bible i read! there was some psalms stuff.... which i was quite glad to be amongst... i have had some really interesting reading times of late quite challenging at times... and curiously instructive too  ...and so the psalms seem or feel to be a nice leisurely loojking after kindof stroll at i seem to be particularly attached to the first verses of each psalm over a number of them round the 100 mark... and i recall that prophetic word of reading of GOD thou shall.... thou shall be Blessed ... thou shall sing the Glory and the praise ... thou shall... it all suddenly seems quite exciting again ... and GOD LOVING!

psalm 100 catches my attention  briefly..  i am caught up with the promise of making a joyful noise to the Lord i am caught up with nature clapping theri hands... more than one version... am loving that!...

psalm 100 brings me back though to long ago when someone attempted to get me to learn it off by heart as a psalm that was gonna see me through... i never quite learned it off by heart ... but i sat staring at this psalm in the amplified translation thinking it was quite a joyous one! and thought the person well.....

A Psalm of thanksgiving and for the thank offering.

1 Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all you lands!

2 Serve the Lord with gladness! Come before His presence with singing!

3 Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and a thank offering and into His courts with praise! Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name!

5 For the Lord is good; His mercy and loving-kindness are everlasting, His faithfulness and truth endure to all generations.

i like that continuing a theme GOD is in the process of making us and not ourselves! gottago

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

[ecuworrier]

..still moving backwards...

ah yes....  i slip my sunglasses on and stare out of the window i am receiving the gift of a lift and it is curious that the front passenger seat is empty... i like this couple one driving and one sitting on the backseat with me chatting.... but i am feeling under interrogation.... i have failed to answer a question and am feeling blue.... this is the return journey such as it is we all went to a prayer meeting which was great actually well most of it...  so perhaps i need to go back to the journey to the meeting... there are traffic disruptions so we take the long way round and long it is!... when we arrive we are the only folks there at the meeting except for the host... we also gave a lift to someone just to take us that bit further out of the way to journey long! and there is some variety in interpretation of the 'best' route to avoid the disruptions.... now tell me your story you didn't finish it this is true i had begun a lengthy version of my testimony that had caused some questions and yes we had not quite finished that one that was now months ago.... so as i am struggling to remember the moment that we broke off ... i am being fed back some details that have lodged in the memory... what!? no i am convinced stuff is not being recorded properly it reminisces a bit from ... hey i have been at meetings where minutes are taken and when you see what has transcribed into minutes one is completely aghast at the impressions that come the way of paper! and note taking... this is not going well at all there is too much missing that shifts foundations of what was said and what was meant - theme of the day as it happened... well conversation kind of got a little lost... prayer meeting was both Awesome lunch was great and conversation not too bad we actually talked some really interesting stuff .. including about conversations and documentations and discrepancies with fact... i have had recently a judge quoted at me about the judge knows that the witnesses will all have theri point of view ... i remember thinking at the time ... and GOD has a whole view of the situation....   well of course this is relevant for reading the Holy Gospels! and finding a confusion or compendium of views.... the truth is somewhere there too... but what is it and where do we look.... something i have been learning with GOD is sometimes it's about...

well here is another anecdote a scientist used to tell ... one day Einstein is as is his usual way wandering about campus apparently lost in thought.... well on this day one of the students decides to ask him... what great solutions are you thinking about? Einstein answers... solutions? i am thinking of questions!... like the key to unlock knowledge is in the unknown of questions? in science questions have been reduced to those that yield yes  or no answers ... and so has our theological outlook in the church... where as GOD is all about the Unknowing and unknown and uncapturable of GOD... do yuo seriously think that GOD is getting nervous while the babel searchers grew tall on their constructions or GOD is getting nervous while the modern scientists are keen to takeover from GOD? which kindov became the great enterprise of science... is ownership beauty? why can't knowledge or discoveries be free then?  while we take ownership to feather our nests of posterity or anything else that we see? as objectives?... does this sound like the landscape of church to you?

so these questions were relevant and the conversation took a leap back into truth a visit of feminism legalisms and crime and punishment and all that pretty worldly stuff.... and a moment where i declared hey i saw that documentary ... i have seen it twice and with two different groups of christians and both occasions hey you know what i did not see diddly twit i saw stuff different from them! Lonnie Frisbee of course it comes up again... and again ... the elephant in the room.... it is enough to say there is an elephant in the room?... hey you know what i like elephants seems like they have matriarchal social structures and wisdom sharing and life long learning and wisdom learnin and you know what that could be a problem for church folks stuck in a yes no scientific debate... i mean hey even the scinetists have to hold up their hands when it comes to light and waves and stuff and can stuff go around corners can things do more than one thing simultaneously but only one is measurable?... the notion of uncertaintly is not one the christian dare entertain... i mean how can you persuade someone to join your club based on uncertaintly?  trust needs a modicum of reliability and the church is basically messed up cos we can guarantee the certainty of diddly twit.... we can't verify GOD GOD verifies GOD...  and yup pretty much anyone you thinks you can rely on is gonna let you down someplace some time and GOD is GOD and remains so in the corner?

so i end up inadvertantly getting a lift back though the bus would have been great! or not... in the car on the way back i find myself under interogation ... in the end well... well there's me being asked these questions enthusiastically and at some point i am starting to feel uncomfortable... you see on the way there.... i had found myself seen following previous conversations in a way i did not recognise myself and here was i again ... and me i just put my sunglasses on and stared out of the window... thee was a couple of things going on... 1) was that i was detecting world view interference ie worldview was dictating the nature of questions and the nature by which these questions were filtered out as answers.... and 2) i could sense the buzz of energy that though i could not identify its origins i could see its presence and this was not the buzz of GOD of GOODNESS... person attempts to make me feel at ease but nothing is happening ... the problem is not as i can tell the person believes by their worldview that my reluctance to answer their questions is somehow full of a story that is a can of worms.... i try to explain but we are worldviews apart... i explain that i am tired of the worldviews endemic in the church to be informing folks of the unspoken story of mine to make up a story that fits their worldview... me i am discovering like the earlier conversation that day that it almost doesn't matter what one says the worldview is already coloured in and in effect one does not need to say anything cos anything one does say does nothing to shift that view even of one's own truth... i am sick of it and i do not feel safe and they are wrong about what they think my silence signifies... it is an awkward moment that engages the driver in defence of their pairbond... but they do not understand what the problem is and i am not able to explain cos what i would say just does not fit into theri worldview and their worldview is gonna distort stuff and that does not sit readily with me and i get defensive and clam up ... (now dear reader you may judge for yourself and you may well do so according to your world view  i ain't gonna spell it out for you neiver.... ) i explain with an anecdote... not long previously ... i was prayed for by a stranger.... while they were praying they came up with some interesting phrases and these they fleshed out to what they were understanding... i had not asked for this so i was paying attention at the time!....  so i explained stuff to my companion in the car thus: i said....  this person was praying for me to have a new body... and what they meant was a fellowship i could feel safe in..... i had to laugh at this and sigh deeply./.. but they had picked up that i do not feel safe in my existing fellowship.... and indeed in the time i have sat here there have been some conversations that just underpin these notions... i mean why would one feel safer amongst non christians? why does GOD make it safer for us to be amongst non church folks than church can ever achieve? leaving us well disappointed ... at the same time sometimes one does find that the moment that one finds that place to actually ask for Grace or help or whatever GOD pretty much fills in the gaps...  i am told for example that i go off and do on my own... i baulk at this this is completely contradictory to what i do the way  i do and so on and also a complete denial of the incapacity of the church to do what GOD would otherwise use the church for? i baulk at the insularity of the ignorance... and agian i find that same self buzz of stuff exacting being prayed for that is devoid of the Holy Spirit in it's purest form... surely some of the stuff should be strikingly interesting that of late my engagement with church matters has been the least involved i have been for some time and yet i feel GOD's Presence liquid Presence of Beauty and Grace and GOD keeps getting stuff... yes i am in an environment that is unsafe ... and one of the basic levels of unsafety can be that you as a whole individual completely and specially constructed by GOD can be dissed completely missed not by GOD who you become really aware of and you sense but by those who profess to have faith and thus awareness of GOD that something is apocalyptically different the gap is a serious abyss!....  the basic level of abuse is in not who GOD sees you as but how worldview takes over panacea and complete corruption of reality of GOD first and formeost but takes over as a deceit and a conceit the Gospel within the church as a Paul proscribed body.... but it's not Paul's fault ... it is (the intentional lack of interest in learning the Gospel from GOD and a preponderance to learn from man's existing pastimes preoccupations the traditions of tradition building itself!... thus yes as i sit here i can indeed feel i am aware of the abusive spiritual superstructure  that carves out structures of belief in ohter words other gods of sorts that people just will not let go of in the superstructures of theri minds ... hearts get bypassed all too readily ....) but but not the Super power of GOD cos when i refer all this to GOD sudenly GOD steps in... yes Lord thankyou i can sense now the source of this abuse... and i pray against it in the Name of Jesus! AMEN! and ALL the ways GOD has to offer... it has become theme of today as ... but i pause for a break now.....

well earlier today.... i was a little intrigued to come up to the radio and find a discussion about abortion... apparently it is cos a woman decided to take matters into her own hands and swallow a whole lot of concentrated vinegar to evacuate her womb and all that happend was she herself died....but i pause for a break now.....

[ecuworrier]

it's been an interesting day i have just bumped into 2 folks from the past unrelated and just well they are weirdly different in different ways...  one of them i stare blankly at i have not seen them for 20 years? and they only slightly look like they did then it's only by the name that they were known by then that i recognise them how time has flown by! and how we have changed ! middle age just creeps up on us! a number of folks i once knew have filled out and it is really weird.. have our dreams and aspirations changed ? how do our circumstances vary? as i approach an uncertain moment i am finding myself deja vueing... have my values changed? does wisdom change our core values? what about GOD!

earlier as i was saying was one of those interesting areas of test case the arena of 'abortion' has reared it's head ... on the one hand the pro life body championed by a church that focuses on the little critter who can't speak for himself and largely ignores the plight of the big critter who is forced against theri will to be carrying the little critter... i put it in that case cos well there was a woman decided to take things into her own hands and now neither big critter nor little critter is with us... now does little critter have more less or equal right to life? once a little critter is a little critter ...

i listen to the programme which braveluy is set in a Marie Stopes clinic someplace and there are real people work tjhere and come through the doors i have missed some of it... and i miss nearly all of the follow up of the interviews with prolife which are given the last laugh.... they want to help both the big critter and the little critter... something about it sounds pretty well presented and somehow i don't believe it....  it only feeds into what i thought as i was listening to the other programme.... i was listening to first person accounts and third person witness where i guess one could say the interests of the big critter are considered? well actually the big critter and sometimes the other big critter you know the one that gets the least or the most to say about it all!? i have had the privelege of listening to how a young man was devastated when pregnant girlfriend had an abortion ... young man took it really personally and wasn't really involved in the discussion that led up to the loss of little critter... when you see it like that stacked from the other side it's kind of moving on the one hand and it's kindov well clearly the idea of fatherhood appealed to that other big critter.... to be fair they don't really seem to blame the girlfriend in an angry kindov way but they were really devastated and i feel the state of girlfriend to take those steps doesn't really come into it ... it's not up to them .... was it up to a vulnerable girlfriend to say no in the first place? other big critters can be all charm offensive and it isn't always honest that there is a baby that needs fulltime care for the rest of your life or theirs ... the point is that there is a state of immaturity run amock when folks can't get real about the whole complexity of human activity and real life consequences.... perhaps the other big critter is still sulking a bit and has refused to grow up perhaps.... holding on to that there is a place of unworthy father... based on some pretty finite decision making as well as end of relationship... i have no idea what happened to the other person in this.... but i was this morning listening to women trying to take their power back from some pretty dramatic situations... i don't think it's straightforward to talk about convenience ... it's a straight choice whether abortion is legal or illegal whether it is as safe as possible or anyalternative... it is crunch time and it is a horrendous choice to make... but where is the power of the woman to be in that state in the first place... that surely is a wakeup call situation? but not necessarily.... what about when the pregnancy threatens the life of the mother.... ? hey me i just thought that this was pretty awful women having to go the long way round to take back some power into theri lives and it made me think of church and the prolife movement that focuses on well conditionally offering women power within a limited set of circumstances....  it just rubbed it in ... women and power didn't feature... and the other big critter with all the power... to say no in the first place just did not feature or seem to as an issue worth mentioning.... this has been a theme both of men arguing the case for women's rights for abortion and men arguing the case for critters rights not to be aborted... though one wonders what the critters might think if the lives that are options for them really are laid on the table for them....  certainly this can play a role later... do we have the choice for life do we want the choice for life.... do we want the choice for better life for New Life.... does new life have to be at the expense of other's life? so why does men not argue the case for no new life except New Life newlife?...

i said above someplace about relax GOD is in control... so how does GOD work out here this is key is GOD about a civilised caring society that does not take advantage or create advantage of vulnerable to fullfill whims aspirations impulses against the will of those who are inadvertantly cornered and trapped into these situations for want of better plans and fortunes... does this sound like a free society to you?... it doesn't quite make it for me.... and yet this is where the church is at a bendover patriarchal you are safe with me/// er really?

i was just musing about stuff and GOD was kindov answering a question... i want to make you a safe church... well seems to me that GOD has to start from scratcjh..

i have more to say on this theme but right now i'm gonna call this in...

we is currently going backwards in narrative and we is now at the moment that i arrive in the church very late and i look and i see the Holy Spirit and i see that it is Good and i then turn around and leave? well i had missed the entire service and watched as the great and the good assembled to run to dinner... dunno if there was a general invite ... i suspect i wasn't ... though it would not surprise me if those in the know just did not extend the invite ... there was a guest there ... me i did need the church of the prayer meeting... the night before i had stood in the shop and been told i was going to have a lie in.... now that! i am not sure about i woke early enough and slept back again!... i certainly am not attributing that to GOD though did i miss anything i am so far away from properly listenng to folks except on a one off basis it seems

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love.

oh i can tell i'm grumbly so am gonna grumble something here... ok see how you get on with this... earlier today am told someone was worried about me they have not seen me for a few days.... ok then they say they have been praying for me .... i am really curious so ia ask them when... and almost breathe a sigh of relief... when was my most Holy Spirit moments before that... then they say i was off doing 'my thing' then they make me a coffee that's cool i drink the coffee and then they asked me if i enjoyed the coffee... i didn't appreciate that somehow... coffee is coffee i didn't have to make it said i.... and then studiously avoid them.... there is some control factoring going on here that may or may not come through the narrativ itself without the apparency of territoriality...

ok here is someobody else i was listening to this they are not one to dream but when the perosn closest to ythem asked them if they had dreamt and then described the content of their dream for them that they had apparently imposed... i said to this narrator ... that was the time to get out of that relationship... and yes when relationship fell other person was full of wanting to impose some more thoughts of a negative nature.... Be gone in the Name of Jesus!

controlling comes in many forms in and out of the church... the Gospel sets free it always sets free!

[ecuworrier]

oh what a day... it's been topsy turvy.... found out that something i was kindov in my head banking on ain't gonna happen ... a cross the pond folks event nearby... and oh no something messed up on their entry and they were sent home again... still had a really fab telecon with someone who i have spoken to before but not met and is really a Blessing and we prayed a bit  as well as chatted... i was kindov moaning somewhat about the need for some out of the box thinking on church in these parts (don't i mean everywhere?)... we had a guest recently who has kindov got me all worked up just on this theme ... though i had sure been warming on this with a few folks... now tell me do you take offense when someone tells you church sucks! do you take it personally or do you recognise church ain't quite perfect? and it could be well.....  well how could it be different... ok now you thought about your answer what is it? do we continue to blame folks for being reluctant to cross thresholds as unbelievers and think of them as unbelievers who make deliberate choices or do we see them as the publicans and prostitutes will see the Kingdom of Heaven before the churchfolks does... does being saved mean church is fit for purpose or is church even irrelevant... well Jesus is not irrelevant.... being a follower of Jesus should therefore not be irrelevant so how does Jesus fit into all of this? how do followers of Jesus fit into all of this.. what does saved mean... did it mean anything essentially different to the jews of the period who were afterall the chosen people? with a proud history of some eminent folks who well lets be honest did get up to some pretty awful stuff at times... and yet GOD is GOD... do we despise ourselves sufficiently to throw ourselves of course to promised land stuff? is there a promised land here in the present? A  struff we might be tending towards or are we all chasing our own tails congratulating ourselves on the promised land is ... the afterlife and like with Moses and co all we gotta do is hang on to Moses and co and we will get there?

Look tommorrow is pentecost a very special time of rememberence in the calender a time where the promised land is opened in milk and honey sorts of times tongues of fire and plenty of freedom imagine that happenening 3 000 conversions in one day in one place quite suddenly in a show of Thanksgiving! a fruit of thanksgiving a fruit of such... and all without mobile phones or internet! do we want it or do we get it cos we are focused on GOD on Jesus and what Jesus said... do we get it in our lifetimes or do we pass on the baton to the next generation... is there anything we have to get first? you see me i don't quite understand what happened to Moses the passages in question are a bit confusing in Numbers... did Moses understand or just give up ... GOD showed him the promised land .... and that was it... he Moses had the humility to submit.. one wonders what he felt ... those 40 years must have seemed a real test... enough to see ... to believe perhaps.... not going there was that something to pray about... forgiveness....  do we get second chances ... or do we need someone more powerful to petition on our behalf? like various stories in the OT....  look we don't know with Moses... but we can look to our own lives... and i'll bet there are many of us who just say hey you know what it doesn't really matter that much afterall... but it has to be a spirit thing or does it does one'w soul have to ache loudly i mean that loudly!!!??? is it enough to be in the right place in the right time?.... is it enough to look loudly to the past and ask what about now? is it enough not to know and not to care even?... i have been having an interesting time of petitioned and persistent prayer really struggling with some of the folks how they react to the journey and sometimes there is a journey... of many steps... and the petitioning prayer warriors worry on with them and some of them like me kindov feel... well i admit there have been 2 follks that comes to mind where i have been praying pretty well .... my emphasis has been to get on with GOD in tyhe journey when their eyes have been on outcome alone.... and on both occasions it's been almost like when i find my heart softening to theri cause and bingo.... it really looks like that on the outside but the outcome itself you can truthfyully see GOD's outcome and journey itself... sometimes though it is apparently the outcome that is the trophy of GOD's Blessing but GOD's focus is on you always whatever you are up to and even the apparent not answering the prayer? well no actually that IS GOD's ANSWER but in context... and it is GOD's Blessing! indeed!... ok

so let's now take that back to prayers for revival where there's me all sourpuss and i admit it i was earlier today listening to some prayers from some folks and me i went and did the washing up... hey great response to corporate prayer hey what?... what was i thinking! ... well i had just listened to some praying... about typical evangelical stuff ... give us the lost give us the influence it was when it was give us influence and positions of authority in society ... i was gone... what we? why do we think we are suitable or better than... isn't the whole problem that we are broken so how is our brokenness gonna help be expert? so we move from the position fast tracked from apologies for how crap we are or rahter apologetics for we are only human in relations to how crap or ordinary we are to do chuirch for eachother to experts on humanity and ordering humanity about... me i was weary man i was hurting why was we we'ing when we shoulda been asking Jesus to come in and then ask Jesus to take control and then let Jesus get on with it without distracting Him? why isn't we fast tracking our listening and learning? i mean if all we can do is sit out in the dark ages and complain then surely that's eviddence enuff of that we is a long way to go... be perfect? man we is asking all sortsa stuff and GOD is listening you know the GOSPEL IS FOR REAL! so let's do it! what is it let's find out ! are we on GOD's journey or the journey of man... 30 000 years of man seems to have got us so far so we should be pleased or are we a little bored? is
GOD improving us or are we still getting sight of our own improvement... what does it take for GOD to do something?

we went treasure hunting today again... between the two of us we had long lists! and short time and we had long conversations that actually were important as such...  actually deeply moving and GOD even managed to bring some folks to listen in who were looked like they were on our lists... it was amazing we talked at great length to one person who was sure that ... but at one point it was them who said something like this conversation is meant to be ... and somehow we got to a point of movingly they didn't really want us to leave!! i could cry about that...

we go and pray about them and a mix of stuff we have had the privelege and delight to hear in the time spent... it did not take long into the conversation despite protestations on their part before GOD APPOINTMENT flashed up... we prayed about all the people who came and journeyed with us so deliberately and ticking so many of the boxes!....  and then in the distance we spot another possibility... well it really was and GOD is Amazing though it didn't click at the time! and only recognised a lot later on... we saw someone with an appearance feature in the distance... you know what? me i am not so sure and i take off my sunglasses to get a closer look ... at first i am unconvinced i am seeing the feature in a particular way.. ok but the closer we get ah i see it now... well we are also a little trepidatious but we approach... the person in question denies that they have the feature we have spotted and claims to have the feature that i saw when i removed my sunglasses  it is completely ridiculous cos there is no way the feature is as they say it is and it is completely as it appears... i ponder that now.... we were situated with a young group of people of many distractions and distractors and clearly not exactly born again christians but they all are GOD's Treasure from Heaven to be realised and we note how they completely seem at different times to be touched by our endeavours... Blessings for everyone... one doesn't want this they say and i refer back to the Blessings for everyone that two of them bought into of their own commentary on what we were about!... and ask for GOD's Blessing they react by walking away with some pretty foul stuff coming out of theri mouth ... they are young and seem to be trying hard to well there is plenty of real life coming out of them ... i spot them later a larger group as i have to pass them .. so i pray again silently....   GOD Loves them and they well we left musing that one or two had been touched... and i pray for them all... a group of folks on the right track simply by being out there at that time.. to be prayed for and GOD is Winning or GOD has won and the process of reconciliation has begun!....

time is running out and we move location and now we have a real dilemma... we are at a location that no longer exists so we are at the location as was my companion has to go and me i have just spotted someone... i have to talk to them! my companion points out that they on another mission had offered to pray for them with someon else and they had refused.... me i go it alone ... and discover i have already met this person months ago and i prayed for them even though they said they did not believe and everything that i prayed came true! here they are again the last time i saw them was a moving time of it was to be the last time as they went away to sort theri life out... and have help with such... so it is a mixed Blessing to see them again... they are there cos they got so far and .... but they are on the way to try those stairs again!....  and they let me pray... i feel humbled and moved! as much by the amount of time they chat with me for as anything given they perhaps might have reasonable grounds not to have the time?  months ago they were a GOD APPOINTED MEETING for sure and here they are again!

i go around and have a fag and spot someone on a bench hey GOD appointment GOD gives me a strange word i ask for one and hey i am committed now to speak to them they turn out to have belief even more weird the word i have but i spit it out i have to wait while there is some interference with a movbile phone and the Spirit Falls ... i describe it later to an ipc it sounds like ... ummm yes it does a bit but hey i spell it out as GOD put them into my thoughts and GOD IS GOOD and has the plans that GOD HAS!

later i preach the Gospel to a guinea pig who well there are 2 of them and one is a bit growly but when i call on the Name of Jesus it stops and looks at me! it is interesting though i am aware that cos this little creature is a bit aggressive i do not bond with them at all and don't bond with the other one who is in hiding cos everytime it makes an appearance the other one gets all growly but Jesus seems to make an impression... so i am a little overdoing the Gospel or not to someone i am visiting to do some learning some GOOD stuff hopefully...

i am losing my bearings slightly i feel but it has been a day of reflections asking about the questions and i still have not quite walked backwards yet... i can see there will be a bit of tidying up required of this narrative this time round have we found a place of steady state are we ready for the next state how is GOD gonna join in /join us in the next few days and GOD has been GREAT VERY LOVING VERY SPECIAL! and i know that by the time i get back to this the 9am will be officially already happened to some of you at least and the more of you will be Blessed in the future GOD has for you! GOD WILL TEACH YOU! BE BLESSED!

GOD BLESS!

PEACE AND LOVE,

[ecuworrier]

haha on my way home ... i pass a group of homeless drinkers one of them is somebody i have prayed for there has clearly been some sort of incident and someone is on the ground with some of the others towering over them i just pray and what happens next is well there is a calm person i have previously is being pacified it all looks untidy and unpleasant me i just saunter by not getting involved i see the cans and smell the booze.. it is tough out there...

i find myself pondering an incident earlier when i left the prayer meeting to do the washing up i think of Martha i can't stop thinking of Martha and in my head i revisit the incident that is much talked about from the pulpit by men ,,, hmm i'm not sure i have ever heard a presentation by a woman come to think of it .. would it actually be any different... in men's eyes martha is the ignorant fool ... but hey i have been doing a lot of this recently feeling a complete lackj of affinity for groups of men ie christian men... but whether martha starts out in the kitchen or actually retreats to the kitchen .. i have this moment where martha realises her sister is doing something rather startling and there it is all those men looking at a woman doing something a bit extreme right there in the living roomj... the one time i have seen something like this was at a prayer meeting of mixed sex and mixed race...  i say mixed race cos it was a distasteful scene in my eyes there were a couple from a far off land there and the wife was as good as prostrating herself at her husband's feet in quite an ... he didn't seem to mind or react .. and that made it all the more unpleasant viewing it was out of context to all the rest of the scene which was a charismatic prayer meeting... what however was being to my eyes portrayed ok the woman may indeed have been uncomfortable amongst the mottley crew that was the rest of us the man was in Mio nist4ry of sorts and i have to say i saw some very dark stuff around him that made me feel uncomfortable for that reason alone i was in a bit of a state of shock and when he as was i guess his custom led some corporate stuff... me i buckled out... it was sure not my thing and i did not recognise authority on him... but the scene of a woman ingratiating herself at the feet of a male allbeit her husband was a scene that lingers on.... and now i have had opportunity to be in the same room as them a few times my heart goes out to her second class citizenship and her functionality as wife and mother ... and GOD gives somehow the opportunity for me to pray into her brokenness...  which bonds through an initial revulsion!,,,  jhey that's the woman looking on without religious view on a religious kindov scene.... the kids actually are quite cool unexpectedly so something is going right in that apparently patriatrchically dominioned household!

hey ok have you got the picture yet you walk into a room and see a group of men with one woman apparently ingratiating herself at the feet of one of the guys sitting there with all the others looking on and clearly they have theri own views (John's account)...  so if you are a bloke are you intrigued and actually the idea of a broad fauning about some guy is well a bit of a turn on or even an inconvenience if you are married or single?  do you feel uncomfortable?.....   or think good on yer? what's she doing ? is she ok or is she out of control?.....   when i hear men talk this story there is something natural about this and hey you know what martha is the stoopid one ... she should join in the fauning  if she  and you know what it's begining to look like a brothel... but hey it's Jesus that's clearly what all the gals should be doing... cos that is what the bible says? well they don't actually go that far... but what about the guys?... the story is about extreme devotion and ... well yes Jesus does fill in the dots with the whole burial rites thing....  a whole jar of perfume worth a year's wages?... what sort of household is Mary and Martha's are they perhaps actually already a reasonably affluent household? Jesus had a whole posse of women following and feeding and sponsoring... what sort of 'prostitute' was Mary ? .... when Martha comes through that door you know what you would think that a whole jar of nard might catch her nostrils a bit .... that is not what attracts her attention though her attention is for her sister at the feet of Jesus with all thsoe men looking on... now then woman what would you do... i can see some bloke not objecting to theri sister fauning at the feet of a man who is of greater sTAtus and even one that actually you might want to be getting in with ... no sister doijng extreme hospitality would come into its own.... but the sister? we are not sure which one is the senior one at least from memory there is a sense that the practical one be the older one .... i would be hysterical ....  seeing a completely in another place little sister or big sister lost in tears and perfume at the feet of a very special guest with all those acolites with their individual responses looking on.... oh yes i have walked into a room where three men are interrogating the one woman there unattached and i can see she is feeling vulnerable me i walk in and they all suddenly disperse... i didn't ask ... oh please don't think that there was anything more weird going on than an interogation to do with Spiritual Manifestations and stuff .... the way they all dispersed though when i came in showed a complete lack of awareness and sensitivity towards the put upon female and they were confident and comfortable with eachother... male culture and male bonding in the patriarchal world is pretty cosy and pretty blind and pretty full of apologetics....  i can see also a scene with a really sensitive male aware of the uncomfort and not exactly dealing like with the terms needed... you see what i was feeling last night there was there was martha coming in horrified not wanting to cause a scene... she asks Jesus not her sister .... and Jesus' answer gives martha reassurance everything is safe your sister is safe ... without using those words... and martha is confident to leave the scene back to what she was doing.... did Jesus see anymore did martha see anymore... wehre Jesus is even the vulnerable woman is safe like even the scantily clad or naked even woman drunk and out of control or the vulnerable person of any age ... where Jesus is..... she is safe even from the thoughts of men....  oh she is safe with a good man of any creed too and oh she is not necessarily safe in the presence of a christian... but with JESUS THERE IS NO SAFER PLACE TO BE... can you trust your little sister at that vulnerable place in her life to Jesus?

or the little stranger?

i prayed deep into the night and saw the sun arise and did i wait for the rushing winds oh i dwelt on stuff for sure i did i had much on my mind much on my thoughts and me i wanted to ask Jesus some questions too... Will you? i am learning with limited culture to copy... it has been a wonderful year and it has been one that yes i thank the prayers of an ipc that asked that i hear GOD more clearly and for those that thirst for that i pray for you too! in Jesus Name AMEN!

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,

[ecuworrier]

wow i am enjoying this process so much i don't quite now how to stop!

yesterday GOD answered prayers in a beautiful and unexpected way:

round these parts the weather was hot hot hot and as i was walking along i spotted an elderly person sitting down slumped somewhat i walked past turned round and asked them if they was ok they was not ok they told me they did not feel very wel they were struggling to breathel... so i came round and asked if i could get any assistance.. it was close to a bus stop and they were about to get on a bus some minutes away... turns out that they were with a relative and had been on an excursion i said that was too much for them in this weather to the relative... i was concerned said i was a christian and offered to pray.. they didn't say no so i gently prayed for them hands off then i tried to stand between them and the sun which was not practical so i took off my hat and covered over their head they grabbed my hat and placed it on their head and suddenly sat up... bus came they gave me back the hat said they felt much better and off they went ... thankyou Lord!... i then sat on a bench and ate some sandwiches...they were really well.. i noticed a blackbird that needed prayers! it flew off and then ... i have not seen this for years in these parts ... not just one but a pair of thrushes ate my sandwiches with me!!!! how Blessed was that!

later in the day i get to share some of my testimony and sort of preach the Gospel and i also it kept happening!... me i kept getting that thing GOD normally does with me usually to do with christians finds a way of getting my attention for a quick pray this time it is a non christian and later i discover they have had a dramatic bruising encounter with a fixed object ...

i've gottago right now ...


John 12 24

researching i find... 1 Corinthians 15
36 You foolish man! Every time you plant seed, you sow something that does not come to life [germinating, springing up, and growing] unless it dies first.

37 Nor is the seed you sow then the body which it is going to have [later], but it is a naked kernel, perhaps of wheat or some of the rest of the grains.

38 But God gives to it the body that He plans and sees fit, and to each kind of seed a body of its own.
39 For all flesh is not the same, but there is one kind for humans, another for beasts, another for birds, and another for fish.

40 There are heavenly bodies (sun, moon, and stars) and there are earthly bodies (men, animals, and plants), but the beauty and glory of the heavenly bodies is of one kind, while the beauty and glory of earthly bodies is a different kind.

41 The sun is glorious in one way, the moon is glorious in another way, and the stars are glorious in their own [distinctive] way; for one star differs from and surpasses another in its beauty and brilliance.

[ecuworrier]

John 12 24

24 I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest.

someone referenced this word for a thought for the day... and i was curious about the phrasing talking about a grain of wheat dying as it transforms into a new being i guess like a chrysalis turning into a butterfly all the information contained within form yielding another... i searched the word on biblegateway and did not quite find what i was looking for in the OT.... and so but i noticed the corinthians ref and started reading it... sometimes our translations are weird....   sometimes our notions mean something else... i had an interesting case earlier when i was praying and had a word and it was half english and half another language... i asked those present to represent the term in english cos i couldn't tink of it and between us it seemed the foreign word was somehow more complete so GOD had given this.... however a word that means life being translated as death? i rummaged through the Cor 15 ref... and was kindof thinking hey Paul was of the same era and language spectrum and so there he is using words like death that mean  life life bearing even and talking about transformation the point at which life becomes transformed to mean something more pertinent... useful to yield new lives... and i thought about the transformation that takes place at the crucifixion.. the death that becomes a life to yield many fruits for ever? or so... teachings dominate out culture... but it is a tenuous conviction to hold a whole doctrine by a word used that means something else... into a culture where words often mean something else but where we need reliablitly for things to mean exactly as they should we get an obfiscating of the truth... with a Truth that comes in anyway!!!... i mean if the death alone is all that counts then surely any death could be used that way?... but a life is a life means a life!  and that is solid ground to build a relationship with GOD on and that life is your own my own with everything GOD has to offer His Life the one He Made.... and all we have to do is to yield! to the you Shalls of His Love... and should we really be worrying about the yesyes's and ohno's of fame and fortune? and all the anxiety or guilt  about corruptibility and hypocracy... hey i love that Jesus leaves the disciples and suddenly the Storm of the Holy Spirit comes unexpectedly in unexpected ways... and Lord i love that UNACCEPTABILITY of YOUR LOVE THAT NUDGES US TOWARDS THE youSHALLS of Your Spirit and Your ACTIVITY and say yes yes bring it on and BE MORE in the NAME of JESUS!.. as we look at what was and fumble with what isn't let us be in the AMAZING adventure of WHAT IT IS YOUR PLEASURE TO BRING IN THE NAME OF JESUS HEAVEN TO EARTH!

researching i find... 1 Corinthians 15
36 You foolish man! Every time you plant seed, you sow something that does not come to life [germinating, springing up, and growing] unless it dies first.

37 Nor is the seed you sow then the body which it is going to have [later], but it is a naked kernel, perhaps of wheat or some of the rest of the grains.

38 But God gives to it the body that He plans and sees fit, and to each kind of seed a body of its own.
39 For all flesh is not the same, but there is one kind for humans, another for beasts, another for birds, and another for fish.

40 There are heavenly bodies (sun, moon, and stars) and there are earthly bodies (men, animals, and plants), but the beauty and glory of the heavenly bodies is of one kind, while the beauty and glory of earthly bodies is a different kind.

41 The sun is glorious in one way, the moon is glorious in another way, and the stars are glorious in their own [distinctive] way; for one star differs from and surpasses another in its beauty and brilliance.


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,