Message #744

[ecuworrier]

yesterday...

a song is reminded of....  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hkakz0jmew&feature=related

this version a typically subdued version by billie holliday...  i once bought a billie holliday album on hte strength of the place she has on people's hearts as a singer.... myself was not that familiar then there was ... that film is it with Diana Ross? the lady sings the blues ... me i can hardly tell how the biography affects one ... anyhow i really could not'get' Billie holliday.... and was a little irritated to say the least at the status she has in the jazz field especially with singers... me i couldn't stand that costant whining

but more recently after hearing some pretty impressive virtuose singin and this christian comes and sits by from time to time the woman noted for her phrasing and expression almost an expressionless expressiveness....  watch and listen to her version of 'strange fruit' afor example and it kind of well for me anyhows makes me want to wretch.....  dunno there's somethin helpless about standin in the sidelines watchin on.....  and findin oneself torn with admiration

hey i feel really cool....

well today...... i has apologised.. for Monday evening meeting..... and feels really humble by the experience....

thinks that song tthe humble king yoju is the god of the humble king... i think that's the bit that did it... the last thing i wanted to do was a apology that was full of crap and lies mentality you know those expeditious .... apologies that we all seem to do from time to time..... just to get the desired effect... me if iain't in the right framework of mind or heart it just all spills out not bvery sorry and highly expeditious ....   so like being forced not just to be honest ... in that blatant kindov way bbut also to face myself and deal with things... and so .... GOD paved the way in that inimitable way GOD has of just nudging oneself to be well honest.... to GOD and then stuff starts to move..... and was well able to take initiative.....  writin this sounds embarrassingly expeditious ....  but in life it was not so.... n and i am greatful to GOD for Grace that surrenders stuff...

there is a kind of bizarre sequence to this... last night i tried to get in to post and found doors all locked up as it were.... so i went and did what i was avoidin doin which was go and watch the footie.... i wasn't that interested in a other than to watch Murinho... i didn't want a drink so jhad a half and sat there with some folks behind me one with a distinctive voice and refreshing knowledge of football bewith a real european perspective.. so i was hearing about the other teams for a change....  anyhows the footie i sw was really dispapointing...  went home was feelin really fedup... on my way i me4et someon i know off to walk the dogs they probs wants some not domestic company so theys takes me with them and we is chattin....i feel embarrassed iu has been watchin the footie and has booze on my breath i afeel very aware....  well they all have been watchin the footiei'm asked about church.... i am serchin words to answer... people huh... the only thing wrong with churvch is there's people in it if it was just GOD it would be fine@   i try to point out thaqt the problem is that wwe don't spend time enough with GOD otherwise wwell we could all ... i feel i am diggin g at myself for my abject failure to stay out of chuch ... well what i mena is surely with all the talk i do then surely what i need ot do rather than wrte about or talk about this stuff is actually to go into social seclusion and stay there....  well last night i ffelt like that and that is after the day before... ah yes footie more themes i went for the rest of the match the night before too.. and o9n my way without having any idea what the score was...  ime i well just quite gaily asked GOD toBless the oposing fans.... which i did with a delight and spontaneous generosity .. which caused me to feel a bit weird to say the least....so i was supporting the opposing supporters?  well in that twisted logic of footbqall i saw the opposing fans as 'the enemy' ...  so when the score on the night was 1-1 (2-1)_ on aggragaTE... ME WHO WAS AT THAT MOMENT HANGIN AROUND SOME OPPOSITION SUPPORTERS... I FLED THE PUB AND LIT UP AND WHEN THERE WAS AN IMMEDIATE SECOND ROAR... .... I LOOKED UP just about.. ABLE TO SEE... WHAT!? MY TEAM HAD SCORED.. I WAS A LITTLE SHAKY AFTER THAT... well i do like my friend there standing at their front door and chattin about  well you can't have lived in a big sportin town and not be well somethin has rubbed off and everyone swears watchin the contest.... there is somethin quite normal about swearin at your favrit players and blessin the enemy then....  somethin christian normal even....  well this is where the problem happened on Monday ... a clash of cultures of value cultures.... and being quite confident in those cultures not really  debatin is this from GOD or what?  it was just people  and JEsus is all we has in common

today has been a bit weird... i was late in and that was cos.... bless the bus driver bless the pelecdetly person wot the bus stopped unscheduled to let them off bless the fact so many folks was inconveninenced and so many moments went by ok i is getting off here too i was not the only one.... the elderly person.... well i certainly recognisec them from streetstuff.... someone who wasw exccentricly walkin around with a big holdall... walkin deliberately and slowly we didn't engage but i noticed and prayed... so when i feels a grab of my arm i was somehow not surprised... GOD appointment...she wanted some assistance to get to where she was gong...a big shop in sight... no soonr have we set out when another mwoman rushes up takes one look at me and offers here assistance.... so we impromptu threesomne walk towards the shop .... i learnt loads from the next hour.. as well as help!... the other woman turns out is someone who really understands these things ... our temporary boss is old and doesn't quite articulate language or words enormously well.... but my fellow helper understands the scheme of things....better than me... we ghave already discovered the purpose of the visit so i offer to go and fetch the goods no... the whole point of the visit is that this is an excursion and that will not do... the boss squeals displeasure at any idea that does not accord her plan.... we ty to find a shop assistant to help with the other part of the plan which is to do the shopping in a carrier bag.....   the security guard emerges and is not happy with this plan or that the very large holdall is going around the shop too....    me i am now the lone lone helper...and me i plead for this dear ol#d lady..... something suddenly occurs to me.... well i think....  the security guard will only let her instating that she has been previously caught attempting to leave the store with goods unpaid for.... oh dea4r... the security guard however agrees to let her in with a carrier bag.... (meanwhile i get to hear of a very rude guard at another shop who had stopped her going in a store cos of ... previous incident?....  oh dear i was left not sure of what was what.....)to use instead of a basket (though the basket i#tself would i think be really complicated given all the assistance she has commandeered so far... so this can't take too lang surely?  ok i agreee to hang out with her... .... oh no.... at the end of this hour i is feelin pretty fr4azzled.... by now i am an expert on the merchandise have spoken to all the members ofstaffavailable as has the old lady along with every shopper in sight... me i is really glad to get out of there ........  i guess i learnt not to take stuff at face value.... to know GOD is somewhere in control.... but the other woman earlier was really great and patient... and i'm sure she was as glad to have left at the point that she did.. if she had known the rest of t he story.....  i did think though.... if i had a mobile phone i could have communicated with the outside world...  but whithout i was left in this helpless buble of GOD IS IN CONTROL like GOD's TIME is perfect .. but not entirely our own....   anyhow that is enough for now

and i finds se3lf with homework which is the how does one deal with the is it a hearing problem or an emphasis problem?  you know when you feel sure someone meant one thing but seemed to say another... or they said exactly what youthought they did and they did not actually mean to say that at all and all variations between that cause so manuy misunderstandings....


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,