Message #741

[ecuworrier]

Tuesday(written Weds)ooh err... stood outside my house and groaned what should i do now... last night late missing out on all the itcafes though one was still open in the end decided to crack of dawn this one of yesterdaythe next day being today of course... as you can see i am bang on crack on time! ... well i had spent enougjh time pondering this...

and yesterday was more present somehow... i mean how should yer average i don't really want to attend prayer meeting go... off with a bang of course.... me pottered along thinking i was really late only to discover my time sense was like half an hour out so ... i arrive early and am having a quiet fag outside just feeling really well a little really oh dear.. along comes the prayer meeting designated leader .. are you coming in ... i said ... well i said what was coming up 'i'm afraid i am... + sigh'.... good start!

so i meander in and there i am in now....   a few folks there....

  ....now the recent history of this meeting is that we have a new leader someone who didn't really spend much time at previous meetings and comes in fresh face fresh ideas etc.... and me i simply does not quite get on with the shift... less cos of the new leader than ....   a new clique appears to emerge ... now me i don't believe in cliques....  especially not in churches in fact am thoroughly not convinced they is ever a good thing.... suddenly folks who has not been to a prayer meeting for some time if ever is piling out of the woodwork and religion is taking over complete with cliquism with the new leader leading.....  but then i don't believe in leadership either... facilitation yes of GOD of course... but the whole inference of man is boss  by GOD's Promises alone smacks of idolatry and well GOD's Promises for one is well... GOD's Promises for everyone innit?...  so there is no heirarchy under this sun....  sooo... what with new folks who clearly
 feels they want to do the church thing with this particular leader but not the previous well is it 2 or 3 even? i slump .... and cause a stir... cos the heirarchical and cliquee nature of the assemblage is not lost on me and the value mindsets that so fundamentally differ from my own in terms both of Jesus and church and society at large .. and me is well someone to be excluded and tolerated and second bested and all that... so when i arrive and listen to the chat my heart sinks and there is room for me to sit apart and so i do .....  this perturbs the leader who then takes issue with this ....  but i point out that i do not feel a part of the social group and that GOD indeed moves me in ....to take part.... which i do sitting with and alongside.... i further point out that it is more comfortable for me that way and that (look if that person attended regularly the other groups they would have seen this phenemoenon was not that unusual depending on the
 assemblage and how i felt ... i mean writing about it implies a purely political perspective but in actual fact it is my spirit that's doin all the sighin and stuff and has me all curled up in a hostile? a protective ball to the side of everyone.... ) and that surely we need to appreciate and accept difference.... i am not one of them never ever will be but Jesus Loves me tjhat's why i am here and Jesus Loves them too that's why i am there.... at the same time they do recognise that i have been a regular attender of prayer meetings for some time previous where they have been pretty informal and a lot of the time not very religious... though occasionally we have had that sort of thing....  anyhows that is the background...

so i arrive in the room ....  a church leader greets me cordially with their back to me.... i slink in and sit apart from the preprayermeeting chat.... which sadly but inevitably starts to push my buttons.... a church leader records how on some sort of forum thing like this they contest the comments of someone they know that is somewhat tasteless....  but the guillotine of good sense and decency falls somewhat when they find themselves surrounded on by friends of the tasteless....  well they are defending the tasteless commentperson... as a human being ... so we get a all gang up in that disgusted of the home counties thing which i find distasteful.... it smacks of hypocracy cos i roll out something that comes to mind that seems akin... maybe the tone of my voice.....  well it goes down very well ... followed by ...  the classic religious christian comment about comparitive poor ... and the comment that makes me incandescent under the circumstances....
 the circumstances being i remind you that only the day before we the people were treated to the unexpected proposal that we should move our church into the heartland of the poor .... the circumstances being the moving in of the cuts and some scarey things in the national press and local papers on all these matters... and there we are gonna just waltz right in there....  (there is a context to this too) so comments coming from people supporting this proposal that the poor of britian are so hard to reach cos they is apparently not poor enough .....  GODincidently a theme on these lijenes...  you see the good old them and us themes of the church .... with its brilliant solutions.... so i briefly explode ... am told i am offensive... (which words surprise me a little) and then retort that i am offended... finish pouring the tea for everyone... hear some more offending remarks on a different subject ... and walk off ..... with my tea...

thinking maybe i should just lea ve....i feel the Holy Spirit... chat has moved... i return ...prayer meeting begins ...  it's really cool... i have no doubt that one or two there find me utterly disgraceful.... my reaction to comments that are disparaging of the poor completely arrogant and ignorant... from christians who are not going to themselves lead the way with vows of poverty hey if being poor is the way to Christ isn't that just easy to implement? i am not taking away from my comments above a few days ago ... it's just is there not something well pretty horrid about the cosy self congratulating christian smug with the good life of the middleincome security knowing there are actually loads of things that constitute plan B to any situation for them anyway....

anyway we had a pretty good prayer meeting in the end and got some stuff on the table in a more reflective manner... about this initiative as proposal and idea that had such an impact on different people... good idea for the hearts of some for the minds of others ... there is a journey in this and me i is left smarting with the effects of hey GOD WHERE ARE YOU that as i said above last time is this the best You can do with a church? but then let Grace suffice


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,



ok this was written then....