here am i filling in the day....

and i have ended up here again:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chz0K8rXkAw&feature=related

it's come via an interesting route....  it caught my attention to listen to this:



i love the didn't it rain... she has a real natural blues feel and then ... the Lord's Prayer something..

via browse round Duke Ellington known for stuff like 'silk stockings' 'satin doll' but he did three 'sacred concerts' attempting to fuse Christian liturgy with jazz music.... my findings on youtube leave me a little underwhelmed... mostly cos of the words...  (the weirdness of the deeply personal of jazz ... and the kind of superficiality ...i have been feeling a little confused cos Christian Spiritual music is alleged to be one of the influences of jazz and yet is in scant evidence from where i is standing)........   it's like the ideas and words are just too big to fit to the richness of the music or the music is just to big to squash into religious .....  or somehting and that brought me here:

the hee the way paved as earlier chatting and complaining about how church just seems to be ''nother place 'nother time  well it's own place really....and what with yesterday bumped into someone who was moaning about 'ive come as far as i can with this church' .. oh no thinks i we've been here before... just cos well we have.... but this time i'm just relaxed... on the one hand i can't be arsed...this is all about what?.... the church? no as i said earlier it's all about the church teaches us to be some representation of churchmanship rather than followers of Jesus... and if we were genuinely taught to be followers of Jesus i doubt that we me and the person yesterday would be yet again having that conversation.... where are you going to go .... i ask as i have before.....  dunno yet.... i say it's all about Jesus it's all about the deepening of that relationship it's all about well i could have said your personal priority but i simplified it to it is up to you... that went down like a ton of bricks... this person has restless feet... and a need to be taken care of all good GOD's stuff it was in GOD's arms having vbeen physically rescued that they found Jesus something of one of those haunting instincts that followed htheir life comeing into glaring brightness.... brill and so long as GOD's arms held them there surrounded by praying Christians they were in home's bosom... but as with all human engineering that didn't last for ever and the being thrown out into the world didn't suit and it all went pear shaped... me i feel weiry.... cos in part i have had the privelege of conversations that the others haven't really heard  and i say this over time consequently i saw things in a different light... but that place they were born into it ....well... is a place to visit giving pointers to stuff but that is it....there is something missing in the engineering of rescue of christians to fit the actual everyday needs of a person....  and we including me are just too far... we want those folks to stand on theri own two paws  and when they appear to show that that#'s what they wants to it all goes flat and lo and behold everyone feels back at square one!.....  and sswearing under one's breath... i have to tell you yesterday i felt ... that would be well a huge relief!!  and immediately though i was thinking oh **** here we go agiain having to pick up the pieces off of the street yet agaIN....  IT IS INDEED CHALLENGING ... THIS CHURCH THING AND HOW TO RELATE TO THE POOR WITH WORDS OF INSTRUCTION BUT WITHOUT THE DEEPER SIGHT THAT god HAS... OH AS I WRITE THESE WORDS HERE AND NOW I FEEL TESTED!.... I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE CHURCH THAT IS FIXED ON SERVING IT'S OWN INSTITUTION.... BECAUSE ... IS THIS REALLY WHERE IT'S AT ? COS IF IT IS THEN WHAT IS THE CHURCH ABOUT ? RECRUITING ABLE BODIED TO ADOPT A POOR SOUL AND CARE FOR THEM ALL THERI LIVES....  EVEN IF THEY WALK OFF?  SOUNDS LIKE CHILDREN DOESN'T IT... BUT THERE ISN'T REALLY AENOUGH ADOPTEES TO GO 'ROUND AS IT IS.....   AND THENM WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THESE'POOR SOULS' ALL DAY ... WHILE THEY ENJOY BEING PART OF THERI INSTITUTION AND YOU ARE THINKING ''''''AAAAARGH HELPp GET ME OUTTAGHERE""""" no wonder so few christians ....etcetc....  cos what seriously is our role?

following Jesus ... i seem to remember well you could see the disciples at times as fully incapable need to be looked after lambs i guess... or you could see them  as .. well can we talk of them as being fully Healed... fully heeled perhaps.....but cetainly bodily able ears and eyes intact able to trapse around following The Son of GOD bodily form... moving from place to place!  where the wind blows....  i mean if the pastor adopts a few and actually it's him who looks after the 'kids' then that's a role model isn't it....  or the odd family that tears itself apart and just hangs on.... or adctually manages quite nicely with kids or foster mumnkids and so on.... don't we look on admiringly and nimby away... and don't we well just avoid them like the plague and stop inviting them over after last time and... so on...  and maybe slip a fiver theri way may cbe useful....   vbut seriously what about Spirituality theri Spirituality or mine....   be discipled by the church? it suits some.... but me.....

so what is the main difference between that person and me well quite a lot... i guess i have wanted and looked beyond the church so in some ways it's comp0letely logical for that person to thirst to look beyond the church... at the same time if one can say hey lolook i've been (an Ecclesiastes thing) gone off been here and far and you know what it's in GOD's Presence you find GOD.... like ... well back where you started actually.... but who am i to say that with the journeys under my belt.... that's the bit that matters and that is the bit i can not prescribe for anyone else  TROOLY i cannot!

when i have been to places int he last few years or even occasionally before then to places and.... i have... been in arenas where the folks has a completely different experience whether it makes them more disernably christians or open to criticism from pedants and many others alike.... that's not what.... ok then what is ? i look at you and what do you think i see.... i'm becgining to get beyond frustration and saying ok then what do i see i do see endless fear the church is a body of fear and gracelessness in those choppy waves of chopping down the trees with a blunt ax in order to see the wood to indeed get a cleatr view of the wood... the wood of the cross naked unembarrassed a blank piec e of metal blunt instrument in the library ... while in the garden 'peace.. come with me'... like it's always some place else and yet the starting place is the same one as in peace be with you... my peace i give to you... no questions asked? no questions asked? no questions asked

the singe4r of 'say yes' and yes this is my favorite rendition of this.... makes no bones about it it's a call to those whose soul saysyes whose soul says yes... never miind the rest of circumstances of anything else.... yes! so Mahalia Jackson's Lord's Prayer at the Newport jazz festival... it wasn't that i especially like d the piece of music as a piece of music.... it was there was something that changed in her as wshe settled to start it and the whole audience that had been dancing to the last number just went breathhush still believers and non believers....  to theis peice of reverence.....  wow! and watching them i collected the conversations and had to listen to 'say yes' by shekinah glory..... and the words of the begining ....

worship is extreme obedience once we have given all and say yes...  again that invitiattion and realisation that not everyone is at the same place....  but a call to the soul the soul that wants to say  yes even though it may cost everything that one has previously pinned one's hopes on....


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,