Message #3774

[ecuworrier]

the theme of old mother hubbard and her cupboard continues to my sense of anxiety...

i just haven't been shopping for much! part of a sense of problem has been my desire to have an actual day of fasting and that has not quite materialised either... the bread i bought a few days ago ... reduced at a modest 69p has kept me going in sandwiches and i have added on the hoof budget food and multivitamens.... as well as food provided at some of the places i have been... in some ways it feels like i have been fasting .. you may know this feeling you don't eat one day so you lose the habit the next... food is suddenly not very important to your senses... or your routine of habits right now i have just run out of milk as well and i am not that bothered though i have had two bouts of cafe church and tea at a prayer meeting... i have even lost some weight... but i have not had a committed period of fasting as such ... though GOD has been prompting me i have not been quite responding.... like now and i mean in the bigger picture... earlier i asked GOD which cafe church GOD gave me a clear picture but i find myself going in a seperate direction but as i set off i see someone i know looking vacant and in a hurry... they do not see me and i don't distract them i saw them very recently... and i knew it was a GOD appointment... they have a new set of life circumstances and i pray they find it easier quickly Lord!? somehow though i continue and go where i thought for cafe church/// you see GOD was clear but i was not.... the actual picture pans out eventually you see if i had gone with GOD in the first place then a significant difference would have been that i would have milk bu tjhe time i have the picture it's too late i can't afford the milk but i can the orange.... i would have been able to buy milk AND orange to go with my 3 day old sandwich wolfed down cos... i feel hungry!... do you know what i am feeling pretty repulsed by treats at the minute!... saying that at one place there was some cake a really nice chocolate cake there were 3 pieces i ate 2 of them savouring the fruit adornment it was a very highclass cake indeed... later on there were several people wondering how to share the last piece ... i am offered some ... i now feel some sense of shame!.... on the streets in the cold.... instead of coffee someone suggests chips.... not far away there is a fastfood place... they come back with portions i have refused one but scoff with the rest - it hits a spot... one warms up immediately and feels ready to go .... though later i sit and find the ghastiliness of chip fat sitting occasionally burping a rancid odour... short term solutions to long term problems!

recently i was included in a celebration... the venue chosen is a pub and it was awful but educational.... full of young people and a few clusters of young of many years out on respective night outs.... it was truely chaotic... but i recognised one or two of the faces as people who work in shops.... normally i see them in uniforms here they were in civvies.... were they having a good time? my companions annoyed me a little by complaining about too many townies ... they respectively remininisced about uni days and the social landscape of going out according to their experiences ... their complaint was the atmosphere was polluted by the wrong social mix... me i was just noticing that the night out celebration was well.... i remember the excitement of anticipation.... someone tagged the night out as the great adventure of unknown and meeting the unexpected and hoping for the real deal to come along perhaps? to contrast with the predictability and boredom of the day .... were my modestly incomed acquaintances enjoying themselves.... not that i could see.... a number of folks had dressed up (older)  and my heart went out to them... most of the younger folks probably had dressed up... but i was left a little unsure  if they had////  i have to say that tjhose i knew were modestly incomed did not quite make complete fools of themselves... like getting ridiculously drunk... i did wonder though about how it was that they too like us were simply in the wrong environmnet.... it's hard to say which of the young were poor but it was clear that some of the security staff were....  on the ball they were which was good ... but hey all i am saying with this is ... what wasted lives wasted opportunities what though opportunities for the GOSPEL to work wonders! and me.... sitting back looking on and yes praying in various ways.... i felt there were a number of opportunities for me to take initiative.... i wanted to and.... i said to GOD GOD had to put them right in front of me like ....so when GOD obliged in sheered moments i.... well ......  i tell you i wanted to ... what i did do though was .... GOD sorted out an amazing cart of opportunities and one of our party started to tell me about something that panned out into a GOD opportunity!  wow thanks GOD!

i feel a bit like that me asking GOD ... and then GOD saying what ... and then me asking GOD again .... and pause... again ... and again.... like what ? a child continues till the adult changes the answer to one the child wants... feels like i been doin that a bit.... or is it i didn't quite.... understand or respond? anyhows the way things panned out is a bit like... hey you know what now i see why i should not have or should have in the first place and then GOD pulls out the wildcard... i am not very happy with my personal perfomance!!! i am not convinced i am listening properly Lord please help me out!

i said i had done double espresso cafe church... and actually had done

hmm i have just written some stuff on this and you know what GOD wanted me to press the undo button i was a little bemused cos surely all that would happen would be that the last digit? wow! imagine my surprise when the whole paragraph or so nothing more nothing less vanished before my eyes!



this was the second effort....   when GOD does something it's up to GOD what GOD's purpose is it's not for us to do things out of context... it's not about us more humility please Lord

the Kingdom of GOD is here and now


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,