Message #3683

[ecuworrier]

..still moving backwards...

ah yes....  i slip my sunglasses on and stare out of the window i am receiving the gift of a lift and it is curious that the front passenger seat is empty... i like this couple one driving and one sitting on the backseat with me chatting.... but i am feeling under interrogation.... i have failed to answer a question and am feeling blue.... this is the return journey such as it is we all went to a prayer meeting which was great actually well most of it...  so perhaps i need to go back to the journey to the meeting... there are traffic disruptions so we take the long way round and long it is!... when we arrive we are the only folks there at the meeting except for the host... we also gave a lift to someone just to take us that bit further out of the way to journey long! and there is some variety in interpretation of the 'best' route to avoid the disruptions.... now tell me your story you didn't finish it this is true i had begun a lengthy version of my testimony that had caused some questions and yes we had not quite finished that one that was now months ago.... so as i am struggling to remember the moment that we broke off ... i am being fed back some details that have lodged in the memory... what!? no i am convinced stuff is not being recorded properly it reminisces a bit from ... hey i have been at meetings where minutes are taken and when you see what has transcribed into minutes one is completely aghast at the impressions that come the way of paper! and note taking... this is not going well at all there is too much missing that shifts foundations of what was said and what was meant - theme of the day as it happened... well conversation kind of got a little lost... prayer meeting was both Awesome lunch was great and conversation not too bad we actually talked some really interesting stuff .. including about conversations and documentations and discrepancies with fact... i have had recently a judge quoted at me about the judge knows that the witnesses will all have theri point of view ... i remember thinking at the time ... and GOD has a whole view of the situation....   well of course this is relevant for reading the Holy Gospels! and finding a confusion or compendium of views.... the truth is somewhere there too... but what is it and where do we look.... something i have been learning with GOD is sometimes it's about...

well here is another anecdote a scientist used to tell ... one day Einstein is as is his usual way wandering about campus apparently lost in thought.... well on this day one of the students decides to ask him... what great solutions are you thinking about? Einstein answers... solutions? i am thinking of questions!... like the key to unlock knowledge is in the unknown of questions? in science questions have been reduced to those that yield yes  or no answers ... and so has our theological outlook in the church... where as GOD is all about the Unknowing and unknown and uncapturable of GOD... do yuo seriously think that GOD is getting nervous while the babel searchers grew tall on their constructions or GOD is getting nervous while the modern scientists are keen to takeover from GOD? which kindov became the great enterprise of science... is ownership beauty? why can't knowledge or discoveries be free then?  while we take ownership to feather our nests of posterity or anything else that we see? as objectives?... does this sound like the landscape of church to you?

so these questions were relevant and the conversation took a leap back into truth a visit of feminism legalisms and crime and punishment and all that pretty worldly stuff.... and a moment where i declared hey i saw that documentary ... i have seen it twice and with two different groups of christians and both occasions hey you know what i did not see diddly twit i saw stuff different from them! Lonnie Frisbee of course it comes up again... and again ... the elephant in the room.... it is enough to say there is an elephant in the room?... hey you know what i like elephants seems like they have matriarchal social structures and wisdom sharing and life long learning and wisdom learnin and you know what that could be a problem for church folks stuck in a yes no scientific debate... i mean hey even the scinetists have to hold up their hands when it comes to light and waves and stuff and can stuff go around corners can things do more than one thing simultaneously but only one is measurable?... the notion of uncertaintly is not one the christian dare entertain... i mean how can you persuade someone to join your club based on uncertaintly?  trust needs a modicum of reliability and the church is basically messed up cos we can guarantee the certainty of diddly twit.... we can't verify GOD GOD verifies GOD...  and yup pretty much anyone you thinks you can rely on is gonna let you down someplace some time and GOD is GOD and remains so in the corner?

so i end up inadvertantly getting a lift back though the bus would have been great! or not... in the car on the way back i find myself under interogation ... in the end well... well there's me being asked these questions enthusiastically and at some point i am starting to feel uncomfortable... you see on the way there.... i had found myself seen following previous conversations in a way i did not recognise myself and here was i again ... and me i just put my sunglasses on and stared out of the window... thee was a couple of things going on... 1) was that i was detecting world view interference ie worldview was dictating the nature of questions and the nature by which these questions were filtered out as answers.... and 2) i could sense the buzz of energy that though i could not identify its origins i could see its presence and this was not the buzz of GOD of GOODNESS... person attempts to make me feel at ease but nothing is happening ... the problem is not as i can tell the person believes by their worldview that my reluctance to answer their questions is somehow full of a story that is a can of worms.... i try to explain but we are worldviews apart... i explain that i am tired of the worldviews endemic in the church to be informing folks of the unspoken story of mine to make up a story that fits their worldview... me i am discovering like the earlier conversation that day that it almost doesn't matter what one says the worldview is already coloured in and in effect one does not need to say anything cos anything one does say does nothing to shift that view even of one's own truth... i am sick of it and i do not feel safe and they are wrong about what they think my silence signifies... it is an awkward moment that engages the driver in defence of their pairbond... but they do not understand what the problem is and i am not able to explain cos what i would say just does not fit into theri worldview and their worldview is gonna distort stuff and that does not sit readily with me and i get defensive and clam up ... (now dear reader you may judge for yourself and you may well do so according to your world view  i ain't gonna spell it out for you neiver.... ) i explain with an anecdote... not long previously ... i was prayed for by a stranger.... while they were praying they came up with some interesting phrases and these they fleshed out to what they were understanding... i had not asked for this so i was paying attention at the time!....  so i explained stuff to my companion in the car thus: i said....  this person was praying for me to have a new body... and what they meant was a fellowship i could feel safe in..... i had to laugh at this and sigh deeply./.. but they had picked up that i do not feel safe in my existing fellowship.... and indeed in the time i have sat here there have been some conversations that just underpin these notions... i mean why would one feel safer amongst non christians? why does GOD make it safer for us to be amongst non church folks than church can ever achieve? leaving us well disappointed ... at the same time sometimes one does find that the moment that one finds that place to actually ask for Grace or help or whatever GOD pretty much fills in the gaps...  i am told for example that i go off and do on my own... i baulk at this this is completely contradictory to what i do the way  i do and so on and also a complete denial of the incapacity of the church to do what GOD would otherwise use the church for? i baulk at the insularity of the ignorance... and agian i find that same self buzz of stuff exacting being prayed for that is devoid of the Holy Spirit in it's purest form... surely some of the stuff should be strikingly interesting that of late my engagement with church matters has been the least involved i have been for some time and yet i feel GOD's Presence liquid Presence of Beauty and Grace and GOD keeps getting stuff... yes i am in an environment that is unsafe ... and one of the basic levels of unsafety can be that you as a whole individual completely and specially constructed by GOD can be dissed completely missed not by GOD who you become really aware of and you sense but by those who profess to have faith and thus awareness of GOD that something is apocalyptically different the gap is a serious abyss!....  the basic level of abuse is in not who GOD sees you as but how worldview takes over panacea and complete corruption of reality of GOD first and formeost but takes over as a deceit and a conceit the Gospel within the church as a Paul proscribed body.... but it's not Paul's fault ... it is (the intentional lack of interest in learning the Gospel from GOD and a preponderance to learn from man's existing pastimes preoccupations the traditions of tradition building itself!... thus yes as i sit here i can indeed feel i am aware of the abusive spiritual superstructure  that carves out structures of belief in ohter words other gods of sorts that people just will not let go of in the superstructures of theri minds ... hearts get bypassed all too readily ....) but but not the Super power of GOD cos when i refer all this to GOD sudenly GOD steps in... yes Lord thankyou i can sense now the source of this abuse... and i pray against it in the Name of Jesus! AMEN! and ALL the ways GOD has to offer... it has become theme of today as ... but i pause for a break now.....

well earlier today.... i was a little intrigued to come up to the radio and find a discussion about abortion... apparently it is cos a woman decided to take matters into her own hands and swallow a whole lot of concentrated vinegar to evacuate her womb and all that happend was she herself died....but i pause for a break now.....