lent is not going very well disciplines keep slipping...  i can no longer use the excuse that well i could get in line be up to speed for the eastern easter makes more sense somehow.... still GOD has been busy one way or another! but i am bemused... have now spoken my anxieties to someone and well.. someone else and someone else too.... all christian now how was thaat for you...? in many ways a good thing! one of those sure has their own sense of anxiety and concern... and withdraws in a wrap....  meanwhile.. someone else(nc) who i have met and is all publicity ablaze is chirpy away with their stuff all looking up aparently... it's one thing seeing someone's publicity it's another having met them it's a weird experience feels there is quite a lot of descrepancy... am a little surprised to have seems must have added email to list someplace? do i want to play ball on the publicity drive no! do i want to be invited to some sort of who's who event... i completely cringe at the idea... it's weird how one's tastes can be changed quite suddenly! when one is exposed from a safe distance to rather more than one wanted or suddenly sees the unexpected....
in stark contrast spent the day in deja vue ... i sat and waited and waited it was one of those times would it be where GOD got what GOD wanted and you did not apparently accomplish anything or were you all that GOD hjad and actuallly well GOD was there so it seems.... so i sat and waited staring at the views puzzling over how i seemed to notice things that were somehow different....   and somehow familiar.... like seeing folks well some older some ageless....  i like the way some folks just hit a piste and seem to go on for ever ... i didn't expect to get quite so emotional.... it was friday and there was something about friday that bouys some folks and others well its a fact of life... i hated the end of the week somehow i loved the feel of the bussle of folks doing... what maybe doing stuff they did not really wnat to do... did i like that ? folks looking good in their afterschool uniforms..... looking purposeful just getting by did i prefer that to folks tangibly loosening?   i was treated to the intimacy of places i had never been before even from my past and in this unexpected like walking a pace further inside well there i stood and watched as someone gave someone else a loaf of bread ... was there a second loaf ? someone else was offered the same loaf.. the initial recipient seatrched for a second one in vain ...but i watched as that person did not consider sharing that loaf... it seemed ridiculous the loaf was a big one and it was sealed and sliced all was required a second packaging..  no not part of the story!.... corinthian... there was something of the plenty here plenty not in the physical sense at all... something of freely giving of something... it felt good it felt empowering to those who might be at a vunnerable time... i was also aware there was a kind of protective zone around this .. it was fiercely protective of an ethos of safety....  i felt quite the need to be unnecessarily protective... one of those moments when you forget you've been praying and suddenly somehting happens that alerts your attention...  when i say praying well the best prayeris for the presence of Jesus.. and that;s all i could think of - the lesson of non presumption is one that is taking place in a big way at the minute!- suddenly a woman arrives in the place and a man who is there talks for the first time -up till then he has been making himself known by some noisy repetitive motions- he talks not to the woman but to a female child talking about the dress she is wearing i look up the woman walks confidently through and engages with light touches the child following uncomfortably long hair dressed up like a princess.... my hackles are raised where no body else is bothered... part feminist part protector part/// i remember that i have just prayed....   and it's the first time he has spoken....  by the time i leave the room i have learned a whole lot of stuff... tjhat guy has made himself extremely useful he is treated with respect..... everyone is treated there as equal and it;s amazing it;s a truely beautiful place to be so long as it remains a safe place.... i do wonder what about the unsafe people?....  and ..... it did make me think of christians... this was far more relaxed/////  more open more dignified more respectful.... folks who make it their life;s work to live their values....  i guess tjhat seperates them from us as christians we live by appearances and disguises we try to make out our core belief is a value to live by but all we are told is to believe... and as Jesus said to the samaritan woman we are not quite sure what we believe is it a set of values or a set of beliefs?  what does that belief become.... in reality it really seems to be lots of things!....

  is not a value as such are that challenged that we feel obliged to make up a sort of values though it is the treasure beyond treasures are we scared of it being stolen lost? what? and here amongst people who don't fear tjhat somehow.... the proof is in the pudding...  what is our idea of pudding? lots of things what is our reality?

what shocked me was one or two things.....    i watched as someone retired.... the last time i saw them i was they were leaving a funeral it's not that long ago... seems somehow they has aged.. and i didn't expect that...  the way someone from one day to the next! and then steps away from something they have been structural in... 

oh and the final part on that guy i watched him walk out the door with the loaf under his arm the broken loaf broken for him... i confess when the bread first came to consciousness ... i wanted some too quite suddenly!

yesterday was great GOD made sure i was up for some street stuff actually well... but GOD fixed it .. even went out with a couple of guys was actually ... well GOD fixed it!... GOD was fixing everything.... including ... a couple of women approached one of those guys who was sat alone and me was not gonna leave them to him my alarm bells starts to ring ... i tell you it would be so cool to feel confident to leave them in His Hands could i have well... in that moment i did not! i mean when in real life in real time you hear what comes out of folks hearts... well it has been a bit like that of late me and this guy... you see mog has not got a mention so far... and then when all was done GOD decided it would be a good idea if the guuy asked me for prayer... how could i refuse not only did i not refuse i instantly got over whatever was bugging me and gladly prayed and it was an amazing moment or two something had been accomplished GOD had! in the evening i had a GOD appointment it's something that had been bugging me  and GOD had some more stuff! this time i was humbled for real and left with the not knowing still my GOD appointment had stopped crying .... they'd  stormed off dramatically...  apprentice button...  and then more bones elsewhere to pick... skirmishes skirmishes and somehow a whole destressing... it's like GOD does these things unexpectedly and people open their mouths and speaking honest is well wow like GOD just came in with a tsunami wave and washed the silence out of our eyes....   how does one forgive ? with Love... how does one Trust with Love...   with GOD's Love which is more Powerful than anything!..... if in doubt ask GOD!  how does one receive? ask yourself

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,