Message #2413

[ecuworrier]

hhmmk well!....   the birdsong outside the church far away....   well when i returned into the building i had that urge to ... i found a way in that was a room and it opened onto the main room where everyone and the speaker was....  and to my amazement and delight the room was empty not only that but there was a chair there from which if you sat in it there was a really good view of the speaker and mininmal view of the rest of the folks there! bliss!  ok one or two folks did come through and even linger but this was bliss.......    so i sat as if in another world not part of those i was not sure i could be part of never mind about what they thought after all churches are built on a foundation of growing people like us ie people who can swallow being a part of all this regardless of conscience or consciousness....  there was however another door to this room .... and as the sun sank its gaze from the world and the outside looked well black!... and amazing moment shook my attention away.....   the door was not closed and looking out from the light of civillisation into the apparent darkness of real life....  that bird again (not necessarily the identical individual beast i had already heard two) it's songfire caught in a nook of the outside world blazing into my world i could do nothing but turn my head and look and see with my ears something louder more meaningful distracting and somehow i was glad for this!.... it lasted all of less than a minute loud and resonant....  i looked long enough to know that this interruption ... outside earlier the moment of listening worship ... was i led or was i pushed or what......??? it was not the first birdsong but the other.... and then the other? or the first?....    it meant something somehow ... you know when folks speak in tongues and it goes right through you and you just know ... something your spirit moves is moved and you know something is for real in that...  that's the sermon that speaks to me to me for real like it really means me it has me personally in mind... but the one thing it links with .... is well .... ok

so .... yesterday... i was wrestling with ... should i go back to that church or go to a music gig in a church i had heard about oonly the day before....   at an event that a charismatic christian from the another church was at ....  ie from a church that like my own my default setting would be 'persona non grata'... unless i changed my story of course to fit .... the default setting of the church itself....

i wander in almost deliberately late have i missed everything?.... well not quite some heavy weather ensures i am not in a hurry to move off and i am there till the end being entertained with a number of people doing theri stuff and it was very interesting.... it was very interesting to be in a church with pictures on the wall statues everywhere .. to be in a church that i had never been to before listening to music....  asking Jesus...: who says 'i like this music'......   there's a very different feel to this church it's very familiar and foreignly so in many ways.....   i like that not only are the doors flung open but yes eeveryone can just wander in and out and it is pleasing to everyone so... ok there are no dramatic off putting incidents.....   i find a sheet order of the day for pentecost sunday and i feel a real Blush a Buzz of reading through the orders of service  even reading the hymns hey they actually address GOD allbeit Thee!

only a few minutes here now... so here goes listeing to Jeuss Culture 'oh How He Loves us'

now.... finding what felt like sanctuary at a foreign church ....   no it wasn't just the weather that was keeping me there.... reading the notice boards... i discover some forthcoming event advertised it reminds me of.....  someone who used to come here to this church.... long time ago... and stories about homosexuality and how it panned out in this setting... and how they felt about that all... not being of a homophobic disposition themselves....   at the time i had not thought or felt inspired to come here... and here i was many years later standing here.... and feeling a sort of sanctuary though if i am honest there is no way that i feel i can draw any conclusions... the stories of gay christians over the years has been a tragicomic affair at times...  gays living the lifestyle christian and home life or leisure life....  there would be many who might have suggested a church such as this ..... but for yesterday i felt like GOD was giving me sanctuary... it gave me a sense of peace and thinking about that i feel quite emotional......   there is something about how a church should feel should be... full of all sorts of people not one despised .. at least superficially evidenced... anyhow they do shut the doors..... and off i go .......   detour a pub playing some live music just to well... have a beer?.....   i have no idea what time it is... i have had two 'words' appearing reappearing : 'Follow me' and 'I want you to commit to me'......  i keep coming back to the same place which is last year.... earlier last week i had some fellowship which turned into a full 5 hours of company worship and prayer it was lovely AND it was challenging.....  at one point i was chatting about Heidi Baker anecdoting the way everything seemed to point to her when....  what was GOD pointing to?....  reminder was....  for that time GOD laid me down .... there were two bits i remember of this and a third which all comes back to the first......   

i try to follow Jesus self conscious that i am doing a totally crap job other than to moan mightily... i pass a church and am drawn in by the music....   i've been here before but not for a while.... inside i get a huge hug welvcome from someone i have had about two converssations with!!... i'm a little bemused... inside i spot more fellowship i discover i am about to lose!....  and .....
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