ok working backwards again..

another conversation with person from yesterday... very different feel....  so a detente i guess....

curious day though... one of many private whisperings... does one feel left out? well actually one feels ... there was a moment ... i was sitting there and thinking to myself....   hey....  i feeel like....  recently someone was telling about a someone who had severe disabilities... and how i guess there was both a focus on what that individual could do as well as a complete capitulation of any sort of response to enable them to achieve their full potential.... i thought about how it seemed that the folks nearest all able were happy if that individual was doing distracting behaviour... i guess i felt that is how the folks around me viewed me so there was i guess a sort of justification in attitude.. you see if you see folks for what you personally see never mind about what GOD sees and never mind what the reality of their intention is or the reality of their human potential then well you place the onus on them to do the miracles the surprises... however and i thought about that ... what was happening and i witnessed it from someone else yesterday... they were excitedly telling what GOD had done in some small group and i could feel the Holy Spirit flooding off of them the important persons sat completely nonplussed!... so you see were i am getting with....  well on the one hand anyways.... i do sense that all is not well with the important persons... though i am not privvy... someone has sent me an email re street stuff... and my encounters with the training came all flooding back.... oh how far does one have to reach outside of ....

last night i was having conversations with GOD i was actually picking up some words encouraging and feeling hey you know what this is conversation it was exciting breathtaking felt safe warm beautiful and well everything... the reading GOD gave me was one of those pissed off with folks....  and i felt GOD was in control..... and like GOD KNOWS well everything... i had amazing experience of like going back to last year like being in the place at least back in the Spirit.. and just wondering about the thristy wilderness of the year.. the struggles the sense of confusion.. just to feel alive once more just well brings all that stuff out of view....  my former fellowship person is on cloud nine no longer to be in the situation that brought us together....   it makes me feel a little peculiar it has to be said... it makes me challenge well what constitutes GOD's Blessing? the small but important things of life the freedom to feel in control of those?  it makes me think.... 'BE GREEDY' i laugh as i pass someone reading something that has this title....  i do suspect that and i am not alone in this ... that perspectives of Blessing we give to GOD are a bit small minded and small hearted at times and a bit of out of context.... i reiterate earlier that Jesus Ministry is situation perfect... and i believe that that means we do not always know what GOD is up to next expecially when we seek to understand... or to presume in advance what we expect GOD to do... that is not what #Jesus' Ministry seems to offer at least not from what i read... it does however presuppose an active hour by hour minute by minute engagement... and from the human bit of Born Again we don't half move arund and mutter and clutch to ourselves what we understand... jwe just aint trained for this kind of life... whereas the church does substantial training for organised force...  and we can't expect ourselves or others to get it.... earlier we talked about the unexpected/scarey nature of being in a Holy Spirit situation for the first time.... i said it was a legitimate question to ask .. now is this really GOD... or somethingelse... and who on earth do we ask... the folks in the culture is always gonna say it is GOD and the folks outside the culture is always gonna be a bit mixed....   i've read enough books (not many but enough to elucidate this point) that you then research on the internet and find folks with their criticisms....  theri anxieties theri fears their objections their rationalisations that what individuals or churches set up to declare to say is one thing they can offer lengthy bible based and argued from perspectives that it is not ... the4y can offer alternative explanations..... and you know what .. you can see where they is coming from and also to some extent where the others are c oming from... it goes round in circles ... and you know what it feels the last to get a lookin is GOD .... the one place where the scope the Power the Love the Truth resides with.... and it is in the one to one of GOD and ourselves that we see tht we have the place to see..... we still have to decide for ourselves if what we see or experience is real.... it is interesting that Paul in his Corinthians letter talks about the jews  want to see miracles as proof.... and that is with even with a multitude of miracles still folks sceptic....   ah yes i am coming back to Sunday evening now thankfully!  it is this thing about Moses the guy who GOD sent into the wilderness for 40 years while GOD prepared the ground...  the guy talkin was really into this phenomenon of GOD and miracles and then there was Jesus doin some even more spectacular stuff?.... there was something about the law i mena in a legalistic framework that gets oh so sidelined unless you fancy yourself as a bit of a legal ealge that is ... i mean anyone could have given a talk on laws of GOD and there is Jesus almost raging for boredom... well? doin miracles... you'd expect the son of GOD to b e a mighty fine lawyer listening to the sermons set... tjhe meaning the understanding like some amazing specualation about well of course... siome mediaval discovery!  now that sounds cool! if you've ever listened to someone who really has the hots for this sort of thing.....       but GOD well GOD DOES MIRACLES TOO.... an aftereffect dependent on someone being despondent about all those boring legalisms?.....    NO folks taking matters into theri own hands... well in a religious sense saying hey you know what! i don't think much of that!  john the baptist i mean how weird is that ... you grow up in this really nice family and a pious one at that and then what does the only son do and the one they have been waiting and never thought they would see... he goes and runs off into the wilderness and runs around in loincloth and sandals lets his hair grow and upsets everybody!... being moved by the Spirit is a prerequistie to something of GOD happening... being up for it is quite another feature..... so when heirarchies be dammned on Sunday evening come and let me give you your ministry when finally you get a church that's gonna actually say that to you no questions asked... you came a long way to get to hear that and want to snap that arm off...   listen what is it that GOD is giving you?....  so i get a role   a word affirmed by some Ministry the folks GOD sends down around to Minister... i tell you i had a personal prayer warrior that night ... i could not believe it!.... someone prayed three times for me.... what someone seeing something?..... i too had a fixation with someone.... and in the end ....  ok have to deliver whatever it is.... ok so here goes... we is chatting about where i have travelled from ... the person knows the place and was there yesterday ...! says it's pretty Spiritually impoverished ... well that's the words i put to that view.. i say well i blame the churches from all being fixated with the same ovbsessions that's all keeping everyone else out in a persistently big way.....  what about me... well i said and i left on this..... alone? the person agreed it was better tyo do things in groups... i tells that GOD said when i askled that He had no-one to give me for the role of brethren it was some time ago ... it reminded me.... etcetc gottago


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,   


 i see that Todd Bentley is back in some form and will be in the UK later this year.....