Message #2359

[ecuworrier]

 do feel challenged......   i was all set that evening to make my way to a church i'd have to travel to ... i was feeling that there was something that GOD needed to do out of this smokeandmirrors arena of my church.....    where i was feeling a foreigner and did not want to be a part of and was truely struggling about where GOD was and the big question how was i to be with GOD....   as it happened ideally i should have set out earlier

oh dear!!!!!!  this is the third attempt this evening to continue the story!

i am feeling very fed up with IT cafes right now though it is GOD what's in charge.....   but still this time round i have struggled to enjoy the experience as much as in previous years...

ok where was i ... ah yes being late for a service that i was travelling to....  ok ... travel was more complex than anticipated meaning i was rahter late .....    but as i sat on public transport with indeterminate journey still to make... and glanced at someone's watch though i felt flustered.... the time i had set out was perfect for: bumping into someone again.... GOD APPOINTMENT OR WHAT! it felt too mcuh to be a coincidence! it was the first time i had seen them since last GOD APPOINTMENT and invite to church so all i could do was reiterate the point... the journey was uneventful but for time pressure and endless reroutings....

so i arrived but fluster turned to excitement and i was grinning from ear to ear as i approavched the building .. i could heaR THE NOISE INSIDE!!!! and rushed in... i have been to tyhis place before.. and stood at the door a little confused cos this door opened to the front of the gathering where a mighty hullabaloo of singing dancing and screams and wails and who knows what else! i just stood there grinning.... the words being sung were abvout rain and it was raining that day for sure! the pastor of the church turned around and caught my eye... there3 was me smiling and he turned around and was smiling caught my eye and quickly looked to the front he was not that pleased to see me it seemed.... sigh theme of t6he day!....

i migrated to my rightfulo place at the back of the room and was amaxzed it was more packed than previously andeveryone was somehow touched by GOD....   i felt thirsty to be amazed! ......   got tea and joined in .... shortly afterwards....  they broke for communion but communion was as they said the Holy Spirit had intended and in fact emphasised a double portion of message!....  they had apparently done this before... and i am intrigued by this especially as i have recently myself hasd conversations on tyhe topic of the Healing within Communion....   there was little ceremony other than that they wanted to do communion so that only those who were physically poorly were to do communion everyone else to stand aside....  i liked this and was wondering whether i could do this by proxy we can always think of someone who needs Healing then i thought of some phyusical stuff of my own that needs GOD dealing  with  so i joined the queue which was substantial actually i think the majority of folks in the place went up ..... this is not surprise really and i was glad that folks were offereing themselves.... apparently last time they did this a number of folks were all laid out on the floor...  certainly this time some folks fell over and a few folks stayed down.... in the queue someone came to pray for me... tjhen communion i felt swomerthing..... for sure and though i felt a little disappointed that i did not fall over ..maybe really i didn't want to.... but i wanted to stay at the front and sat with some folks that were looking on.... end of communion i didn't want to move though everyone else had left ... i asked GOD and felt GOD wanted me to move .. i walked past the person who had prayed thjey put theri hand on my shoulder  which surprised me a little.....    went to the back ..... they were doing the collection tyhey have a unique way of doing this but they asked that we all give ourselves to GOD about what GOD whnated... i was no different.... and felt so sure of what GOD wanted so quickly that i was actually the first to give....   without hesitation.... and quick back to the back....   i did reflect on this though ......   i know money can be quite an issue and for all the talks on tithing and all the things that we undertake... when the **** hits the fan we can well when we start to be suspicious of what we are giving towards then we do ask questions of conscience of ourselves.....   being a visitor i had no hestitation to do what GOD wanted... i don't get to see behind the scenes here.....

i had not missed the talk i had come to have my ear bent to as it happened.....    time is running out here soooo  let's start with the point that i went out for a fag ... am gonna come back to the rest..... i did want a fag it is true... well i could have managed if the white middleclass male hadn't pondered on too much or what was it about... i went outside and expected to see someone or something....   outside... i stood and looked nothing.... but i heard birdsong blackbirds call and response it really touched deep in my psyche and i was thinking hey it's only the boy blackbirds that..... but i think GOD was trying to say something else....

gottago now