Message #2297

[ecuworrier]

here i am.... with big irritable resigned sigh!... at the internet cafe i'd rather not be.... though there are much worse ones.... everything is stunningly slow... am listening to music that is in part aggravating my sense of disconnection the resignation...  sonny rollins playlist,,,,  will there be the one that i want on that?

well how are things going really?.... the imminent move of GOD with one of my relied upon and actually quite reliable fellowship about to ... well whatever happens next... leaving what feels like a tricky situation behind....  i just passed the trickyness was thankful of my shades that i didn't have to show acknowledgement  ... well that's the spiel isn't it whereas in reality we the people of Christ the King do not have to acknowledge the goodly folks around us...  what is it about that face off of expressionlessness .... just thinking about it it is the symptom we are to pray about.... rather than feel personally affronted that the Joys of the Lord expressed in one person is well absent ... without leave? no well the church gives plenty of permission to do that sort of thing.... christian from small church better acknowledge even at arms length ... the number of folks who are in perpetual struggle that i know who i see about round and about.....   what is authentic christianity to do with the church? well valid question.... but actually authentic chr istianity is just about what we ourselves do ... which is a bit limiting .....  if we are looking for something really group orientated... do we really like the taosists and many other religions look and wait for our guides and gurus to turn up.... or be heard about so we know where we need to go...

so i was kindov intrigued yesterday to try and get a feel of Zac's place on line.... such language of inclusivity as the tribal gatherings .... claiming a space for those of like identity... blood brothers... a meeting where those who feel they don't want to go to something called church but want to chat abo9ut GOD thje bible have their walk of faith and healing and rescue actualised ....  i was pondering these themes earlier after feeling so crap about the street stuff.....  folks want to be cleansed have that new start ... all thje crime and punishment stuff that humans dish out just doesn't cut it ... i was thinking that ... what if they the people who quite sensibly are sidestepping a chuirch that is thinking head on head down.... what if well all that has to happen is and all that capture prayer evangelism.... that why do they turn thier heads aside... worry about the things they are out of control with ... and we the great clean but unwashed standing before them straddling the great heights of: the problem is ....youuuu!!!!! when the problem is weeeee!!!!   or come on get real the problem is meeee.....  cos and simply this where is my attention laboured?....  the church makes me feel weary... it's kindov interesting as i'm writin on this....  thinking hey you know how weary the pastor of the chruch i go to ios ? well that's the weariness i feel.......  is it all mine? hmm what if it's something i picked up being in close proximity to..... spiritual weariness... all the effort going into.... weariness....

any difference to Zac's place... well i didn't warm to the guy who is centrepiece...everything i was hearing or reading abo9ut was kindov being about his view of project his analysis... please don't think that i thought this worthless no on the contrary it has itsd place for sure! but i have to admit me i was personally wanting to  find that miracle cure .. a place that .....   a place fit for the Gospel... but the reality of course is GOD only has me and you to work with and what with our theology and theosophy of indigence well we is well and trooly what GOD has to work wiht....   and GOD still loves us... but can we see that?  the day was curious i had asked if i could help with something then was told what i could do didn't understand tried to find out and got told that it was easier for said person to do stuff themselves than deal with my not understanding.... hmmm the theme continues... at the same time .....   well i me heard about a gig which meant i had to travel so off i set... found myself in the same place i got last last time i was there and indeed!... that's what happened... but it was curious it was one of those places that is bigger than you think it is while being smaller than you think it is and somehow after the area io live in completely beautiful! the smell of the air everything it's quite bizarre... you goi through the atob motions of travel and then suddnely quite suddently the world changes it's like one of those children's books....   alice throught the looking glass....  anyways the gig was great and there i was about to return home in good time when... my eye caught some merchandise....   someone i had not heard of .... alternative music and the word Grace floated......  Christian at large alert!... cool ! surprise.... Jesus!?

what am i doing ? that is the big question ok this weariness is it a feature of in the wrong place in the wrong time of is it just a question of GOD... earlier someone gave me an image i loved but there was a problem and that problem... i was too weary to deal with GOD WHO IS WONDERFUL and so good at these things... i'm experiencing an awful lot of deja vue at the moment..  back to those places .... i don't understand.... i don't understand what is happening i don't understand why things are this way or that......   i just feel weary wan hopeless and fed up the sighs do they do anything but signal desire not to be in this heartache place of nothing to look forward to? nothing to look back to?  oh LORD? and so it insists it goes on...

circles of the heart's desires to have answers to anything! things .. i think i know what i have to do on the small side of things

GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,