another weird GOD created interfered with event!  what can i say?... here was i in the midst of .... and logged on for forever only apparently not!... with one feel swoop GOD interferes in everything and suddenly dumps my post not only that... well here i am deja vue... back to the begining of the tape.... Heidi Baker in an event in inngland last year... what's remarkable about this and everything at least for me is that this tape stands out as one i have had on and even listened to and earlier there was i and a prophetic message all typed out and well this message Remain in me ....and other thingsRemain in MY LOVE and all that the story appeared completely unfamiliar somehow and yet i have had it on before and everytime there is some sort of interference happens and the whol ething vanishes and i am left with a sense of i want to pick this up later!...  and this message oh how i need to hear this right now!....

Remain in me  in MY LOVE

i am so overwhelmed by well everything about a life worth living ... a life of extreme Truth Fire Love openness miracles a totally unreligious outcome... i love this thing about folks who know they make mistakes and the sharing of their journey includes the lesson of LOVE of Learning about that LOVE... i am envious of that LOVE that expression those stories that Grace, Fire! that learning to TRUST in the FIRE of THAT LOVE! a journey that's for ,ife not just for christmas the trusting in that Faith that Forgiveness that Healing that Mystery made tangible through encounter and the Hearing and the Seeing and the Walking... here is me today feeling thoroughly fed up! and so indignity and indulgent in frustration and a few  minutes of .... how is that... ok how is it that we need that reminding that we need that reminder that moving on that a bit of tape or digital can captivate capture something that we can go back to... is this moving on or backwards and forwards my version of liturgical drama a liturgical cycle where we have ... i'm scared i feel almost an idiot to sit here and watch this... i mean these words to leaders and who am i? misfit too misfit too much trouble to be a leader ... then the begining of the tape begins with Heidi come and Bless us and then also give her a big welcome... are we not these strange cultural deprivation of celebrity?  me would i like this come and speak to these people and there i peer out into the darkness from the spotlight and say... i hate your guts you wanna know that.... and everything you stands for! and hear the gasps ... they didn't invite me to say that now did they?... come and Bless ! this is what she is this is what she DOES but with all the comfortableness to glide amongst her popularity she is also able to say words we just do not want to hear right now... i din't come for this!.. who feels let down? what if what she said was exactly not what we want to hear and you know what it comes up later on as a story tjhat she tells about when she got that wrong! she did not listen!....  who is it we worship?  how can we if it doesn't come to us just so? why is it that soandso went to this church or that event and that was the moment? who was pentecost for for the people who tell the story or the folks touched by Fire... i tell you what though this is the second time today i'm listening to this and i am bolting earlier i was wondering where that had gone ... in the interrim i have made a single phonecall and that to a charismatic church to ask about an itinerary...

i love the simplicity of her message... listening to comments about poverty and our reaction about people injustice poverty hungry the poor wanderer and shelter clothe the naked... it makes sense within the simplicity of a non western setting... how does it apply to a western setting many ask this but the reality is well should it? is it relevant? there are many questions and we in the church well is it any wonder we are only interested in going from church to home and back again and pray well we are short of things to pray for Align With ME what? we've done all that already haven't we we said our prayers did our deeds and then even said sorry for where we well we kindov fell short.. that's enough isn't it GOD well what else would You want?  TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN... that that's given freely given that passed on magnifies ... we wait for that we count the cost and we sit and watch others and that is enough surely!? ythis false accounting or bookkeeping? this is the west for crying out loud!  the land of borrowing into tomorrow without accounting for how to make good without having to account for the papearance of fools will will give over pride and goods and species and slaves or the absence of folks prepared to make a stand... who buy the rights to land from under your feet...  that sort of accounting...

it takes a special sort of pride perhaps to preach to the converted and convert.. to battle it out with the well where was GOD when penicillin or whatever...

the self aware look i know that by my own efforts i can affect my life just fine ...does Heaven on earth have anything over personal shangrilas?  or by my own efforts all i seem to manage is a mess... i sat on the bus earlier and already these i thought there were tow oh no there were three were in my face at the bus stop.. i am showered by old bus tickets and an apparent eagerness to converse.... and unnecessarily wielded bags and things i feel my space encoached upon and no sooner do i take my seat i have a feeling that... the trouble is i is not sure if i takes celebrity status for being recognised for street stuff or not!.... it takes me by surprise....  to think that it puts me on duty of sorts visible as a christian i'd better not grump too much!!!!     the three are determined to sit pretty much in my lap... where i get after i accepted there is not only no escape GOD has some sort of plan .... what are these three in some ways they are all the same... i am thinking people with learning difficulties ? but able? i am left not entirely sure of how they relate to eachother it appears to be two or is it three generations mother and two daughters? gran and two daughters.... the daughters are? teenage  15 14? twenties? the older woman 40/50/60? i am certainly left pondering i ask GOD for some clue but am left without....  one thing that appears to be certain is the one who appears to be the youngest of the two is pregnant... i stare at the woman who may be grandma about to be grandma? i just have this completely sick pit in my stomach about this group the expressions on their faces the secret smug smilings pf tje twp ypunger something about sex and sexual exploitation sex that was forced? who knows i have an impression of sexual abuse / sexual mispropriety they are too young ... i have a feeling that mam/nan is not entirely with it there is a pathetic acceptance and i am furious the pathetic collusion or the pathetic i wasn't there ...despair .. i do find myself praying for one of them and GOD's characteristic mark of GOD is doing something happens before me eyes.... i feel sick there is just something generational ... the older woman is good looking and she oddly looks like she should come from another culture other than the one that she finds herself in but that may purely be genetics ....   generations of women sickeningly exploited /and exploiting? and generations of men sickeningly well whatever.... this is love the words of that song 'nail pierced hands a wounded side this is love.... is this relevant to them... it was months ago when i heard these words i was shocked by them but i cannot avoid that i heard them walking along the street after housegroup/// i want you to work amongst the poor///  somehow that did not fill me with joy but filled me with a heavy sense of resignation all the things i is not equipped to do but then what am i equipped for?

prophetic message if there are prophetic people here this is a prophetic message if there are not prophetic people here this is a prophetic message... back again on time... remain in me John 15 reamin in me and ..... i will do what you ask... the emphasis is on Alignment with GOD... Heidi Bakers's anecdote is a long one all the components of faith and decision making in adverse circumstances what does one believe in what does one hold to how does one make sure that GOD gets what Jesus wants? earlier i lost a whole post and could not get the information that i wanted.... i asked GOD and GOD sorted everything about the information the decision i have to make is a b c in terms of plans but me hey i don't understand and for the first time all day since i was in the bus i want to cry


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,