third time lucky...  so far i have in midflow at some length had post mysteriously vanish.... followed by oops that's me ... not changing the log in time... and so here am i again... at first i was pretty frustrated... but on my way here i had this reverie.... i know someone who's favorite prayer (and i am glad that it is ) is this: "Come Holy Spirit!"......  and guess what ! one wonders therefore why they don't pray this more often than they do! however don't blame the messenger cos... me i take no further prompting... "Come Holy Spirit!" and even as i am walking along briskly cos it is cold.... i feel a swirling within.... that quite catches my breath ..

now i wasn't writing about this earlier on the contrary i was having a seasoned grumpy.... but walking along i was thinking that apart from me making a pigs ear .. well it was me wot set the settings and am kindof thinking GOD why didn't you remind me without full blown standing there in person arguing the toss... but it made me think then well ok so i discarded attempting to repeat the first post on the grounds that presumably that was not my offering of the day reflecting back to Saturday? and then posted on the bizarre notion of salvation within the church with reference to my own and of course having a good old moan about the church and seemed to have lost that too... as i am writing these words the words 'you are missing the point' and something else come to me so pause a while... i have ample time to have remembered something of last Saturday other than just to investig ...

...well what is the point? "Salvation of the few is what sets in motion Salvation of the many"  "Full Salvation is few and far between" i am missing the point about my own Salvation... taking these two statements together yes i am seriously missing the point if all i can think of is to moan about the Salvation of the many in the context of the church where Salvation is well what discarded as given which it is like in Ezekiel 36 i will water their hearts and turn hearts of stone into flesh....  that we can pray for others sure but aren't we a bit scared in - i'm doing it again.... i have stood a seperate line and even given myself a hard time about it but as with the lost second post where only i could be to blame i have failed to realise relax GOD is in control.... i have felt lonely and that was what i was really writing about it scares me silly and really we are all scared.... it's not of eachother it is of ourselves... imagine the darkness of that dark night when the saviour of israel suffers political execution before any real sorts of action has happened the one that is about overthrow and regime change... no apparently the religious features are in control and they like it so... there is not much written evidence from them so i do not want to overly speculate... but once word got out about Caiaphas! and co....  don't you feel let down? your own freinds brethren kind all that stands in the way.....  of Heaven onto earth.... so why does GOD DO THIS .. a theocracy is stable within the agreements and arrangements that it secures that is worth something surely! a pax romana.... surely the impact and influence that Jesus had would have served well? they dined Him but just could not buy Him off even if they wanted to.. i spoke recently with someone who saw a produced public passion play... it cost tens of thousands of pounds to put on.... what!? we baulked together a part of me finds this in my mind right now like can we actually buy folks into the Kingdom ok let's rephrase that ... if theatre was what it took then surely Jesus would have been a troubador the point is there is a real thing to this so why the substitution... can we not find it within ourselves to be with GOD .... and Salvation .... "mortifies"it brings home suppositions of  defeat disappointment ... we can go through the motions but we can't be real only GOD CAN....

it's my favorite subject and i feel so remote ... from being GOD REAL within me!.. but look how i phrase that you don't need to be real i will for you.. it's promises like this we cannot for ourselves make even though through the course of life we will make these promises time and time again to others  received as promises we can do no more than hope in logical fact ....  where reassurances are needed or so we think... i am reminded of a time where promises were taken seriously look i was not exactly one overflowing with promises but i did my best and failed on my backside and discovered that the actual language the actual word structure really really mattered ... and i failed as i reminisce on one important event i find another and that is an interesting life instruction because it takes me back to me teenage years .... yes this indeed it really does matter end does not justify the means even if both are intentionally best hearted efforts.. i believe this of the Father i expect a complete... i cannot handle the half baked ..... and maybe this is why so many of us half baked as adolescents we rely on the truth we rely on there to be a real truth and a keeper purveyor of this truth we rely on His Honesty so much that we cannot bare to hear it for real? so much that what if... ? i think it matters to a whole lot of people a whole lot more than we care to believe and yet Jesus believes in them GOD the Father sent His only begotten Son not to condemn the world but to save it and we look outside of our eyes to see this without thinking that it matters after all if nobody around us cares that much for us and certanly isn't there to make bone hearted promises without there being some sneaky payoff somewhere for them then how are we to see Salvation to recognise to receive to ask? 

that is why we go to churches so that we can expect someone is up in GOD STAKES where we just do not have the life or the energy....  even a religious person will do....  it's hard to take it's hard to swallow GOD is REAL it's my that's so rubbish with this!


GOD BLESS!

Peace and Love,